Saturday, September 27, 2008
Not sad, not crying... but not happy either
Having fun... but not enjoying
Missing the zing from life – missing what’s called passion
To be passionate means to live from your center – from your Heart'n'Soul. And we all need this centre to live our lives and not merely exist… for our heart to pound with excitement and our spirits to soar higher.
But whilst we are lost in our daily humdrum, caught in the cobwebs of our own cowardice, our own fear of letting go of what is deemed normal and is socially acceptable... we forget to consider what is more likely to provide us the experiences of passion - What holds us back or what sets us free?
We forget that it’s not dependent on the level of involvement but on ones engagement in the activity and hence it's a life accessible to all of us.
By no means do I mean or am suggesting that it’s easy to go after what one wants and feels passionate about. In fact, I believe that pursuing ones true passion takes courage, since it often means deserting our fears and parting with situations we find comfortable... letting go of the "Normal" and the "Rational" and moving towards the unknown where there is only one thing u can be sure about - uncertainty.
And so I believe that people who are living their passion are the luckiest souls alive and I also believe that the credit for their happiness is solely their property.
We all have that core within us, that passion within us... it’s just a matter of some introspection and some realization.
And for me, it’s Dance… the reality dawned on me long back and like one of my friends said “Divkiran needs to dance to be happy”… she was bang on.
Dance is the core of my all. What I wish I could pursue... what I so can not. What I can never let go... what I will always indulge in.
Dance for me is a language to explore who I am in the middle of this mysterious thing called life as it brings me in tune with who I really am.
Dance for me is courage and inspiration - to claim my life cuz it’s my own... to break my barriers and shed my inhibitions to be myself.
Dance is my source of the most cherished and extraordinary moments, the ones filled with pure bliss. Its only when I am dancing, that I have experienced the unadulterated happiness.
Dance for me is my dream that I see everyday and yearn to live every single moment.
For most people it’s something they do, for me it’s who I am.
PS: Would like to dedicate this to one of my really close friends and one of the best people I know, cuz he is the most passionate person I have ever come across – HA, this ones for you, Hugz & Muahz… may god bless you always.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
For all those who asked me bout the devil award... here u can have a look!!!
HU HU HAA HAA HAA
I feel like doing it again so here...
HU HU HAA HAA HAA
No update for some time now, I know I know!!!
HA complains that I am not writing stuff I am good at... Attaboy complains that I have vanished... Sim says shes missin me... Yogi says I don even talk to her
I say - SIIIGGHHH!!! Trust me guys, I don like it either :"( ... But what to do... mez gotta deadline on thursday... its 1:30 in the nite n mez workin rite now... me wants to put my thoughts where they ought to be - rite here on ma blog... me wants to be where I ought to be, with you all here in blogville...
So I say again... SIIIIGHHH!!!
No worries, I promise to upload something this weekend for sure... but the worst part is - I don get to read either .... UUUUUHUUUUUUHUUUUUUUUHUUUUUUU
***makes a sad face n sighs again
CHOW Pplz... cya around
Thursday, September 18, 2008
And the Oscar Goes To....
First the Civilized reaction - I have received so many awards and I am so so so thankful for the appreciation... really feel honored cuz its coming from people who I admire myself. I would like to thank X and Y and Z and blah and blah. Ok forget it, I am tired myself ;P
And now after the special performance by ME, we shall start with the proceedings. Well, I thought cuz u have done so much for me and on top of that I have not been able to pass it on to anyone for SOOOO long... I thought I will create my own... Non passable ones... MWUAHAHAAHHHHHAAA (wicked DIVI)
Ok srry srry... basically I did this cuz I wan only my blog friends to have it :) ... I don want to share you with anyone.... PERIOD :D
SO HERE WE GO
...goes to Arv, Peter, Vinu, Samby, Gunj, Arun, Venky, Roy, Lena, Fali , Deb, Aneesh
The Rockin Riter Award
... goes to Sam, Vinu, MIP, Jane, Cindy
The Smart Kiddie Award - for my super super sweet hearts
... goes to Aayushi, Priya, Meghna, Samby, Vishesh
The Suppa-Wumman award
... goes to Keshi, Cindy, Ani, Jane, Fali
... goes to Sam, Smaby, Gunj
OH WAIT WAIT... last but definitely not the least... The Devil Award
Goes to......................... MEEEEEEEEEEE... HU HU HA HA HA
THNK YOU THNK YOU THNK YOU
Saturday, September 13, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
But there’s something else that I am absolutely terrified of and that too - much much much more than water... It’s the stranger loo usage phobia... SEE... even the name is creepy. I know I sound like a crazy lady after my drowning-in-the-bathtub nightmare, but I AM NOT paranoid about the public rest rooms ok! And for that matter even when some sloppy relatives visit our home.
Then there's the breed of losers who don’t know the difference between an Indian and a Western loo. PEOPLE... you need to understand that a western toilet seat is NOT... I repeat it’s NOT an Indian toilet and you DO NOT... again I repeat you DO NOT sit with your feet on the edges!!! STOP SQUATTING on western toilets!
And then there are the Men ... the ones who need to know that the world maybe their pee pee place but not the guest loo's in someone else’s house or the common public restrooms. It’s not like they are out their in the open and can swing it whichever way they want!!! Guys kindly FOCUS... TARGET and SHOOT!!!
Don worry, M not gender biases. Cuz I am not too fond of the women who think that wadded up, soggy, blood soaked and stinky sanitary pads look better on the floor or better still INSIDE the shit pot... IT’S A SHIT POT...NOT A PAD POT. UFFFFFF. Ladies: Please read the instructions on your sanitary napkin packs... and in case you cant, read this - it says "DO NOT FLUSH"... Stop clogging the drainage for god's sake!!!
Another thing that I don understand about ladies loo is the drips on toilet seat!!!! And trust me, this one's like a biiiiiiig mystery. Is there some specific reason behind this that I don’t know of? Or are men secretly using the ladies loo? Hmmmmmmmm.....
Oh and my favorite breed of people, especially the relatives... the ones who forget to shit at home and come all the way to shit at my place... the ones who flush the toilet and walk out simultaneously. They NEVER check the bowl after they flush and leave behind the ghastly ruins of their previous meal for other people's viewing pleasure. I have no words to thanks them for providing us with such a magnificent vision, that too in my own house... how talented they must be!
Its funny how in our kiddy days we all get the same POOP-PEE Training... we all learn how to sit on the toilet seat, do our business, clean ourselves and then push the magical silver handle that makes our creation vanish into that dark little hole. But as some of us grow up, looks like their toilet etiquettes also go down the same dark hole...
Saturday, September 6, 2008
I consumed "it" for not more than a minute and it felt like I am in a different world all together. My heart calmed down. I was neither nervous nor anxious anymore. Instead, I felt nice and mellow. A sheepish grin was plastered on my face and I felt like I am dreaming. I could hear music in my head. I looked at my friend thankfully, gave him a peck on his cheek and returned "it" to him.
Since then, "it" is the one thing that keeps me going in all circumstances. Just need a trusted source to provide "it" for me. It’s the feeling that "it" generates... the one of total euphoria.
HOLD ON HOLD ON!!! Don’t let the horses of your imagination too lose. It’s not the pot, the alcohol or the white stick... it’s more potent than any of these things. It’s a medicine for every illness - mental or physical. No other medicine works without it, and when everything fails - "it" still makes things better than they are. AH! The happy high it gives me.
They call it "The HUG Therapy"; I call it "The Human Touch"... after all, what comes from a heart, reaches a heart and the heart is what keeps us alive!!!
And I am dedicating this post especially to Samby, Sam, Arv, Keshi, and Nai...wtever happened shouldn’t have, but it also showed the amount of affection and concern blogville has... Goes to show how it doesn’t matter how you came to know sumone, if you have ever seen them or not, its really just what the heart feels - direct dil se!!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I - ME - MYSELF
I am struggling to trap it further and get on with my life, but the dancer fights back. It raises its head once in a while and I succumb to the temptation.
And then the realities of life dawn on me. Every time I open my eyes I see myself stuck in a world where I don’t belong.
So where do I belong then? I don’t know... but I do know what it would be like. I know what I want!
I want to be myself.
I want to setup a performing arts academy...that teaches various dance forms, both Indian and International...cuz I did not have access to it when I wanted to learn
I want to have the courage to fall in love again and share my life with someone.
I want to trust in friendship again, I want to believe that the goodness of human heart still exists
I don’t want to feel empty anymore... I feel lonely but I don’t want to be with anyone either. Ugh! I sound strange now, but I don’t mind
I want to blow bubbles and chase after them again, just like I did when I was a little girl
I want to dance in the rain, splash in a puddle
I want a small house on a beach in Goa...so that I can’t retire there.
I want a cafe of my own...D's Corner...just like central perk...where you will get to listen to retro music and get to watch popular and classy series like FRIENDS
My patience is running out, I don’t want to chase after anything or anyone but my own dreams. I want to save my patience. I want things and people to chase after me... lol
I want a life partner who’s a friend, someone who listens, someone I can grow old with.
I want to adopt a daughter and I want to call her Trusha
I want a golden retriever and I want to call it either Joey or Phoebe
I no more want to feel bad about showing you the mirror and tell you that you have disappointed me. I don’t want to feel bad about hurting the ones who have hurt me. I don’t want revenge, but want to be strong enough to let go and tell them that they are not what they portray and I know… I just tend to give them the benefit of doubt. I don’t want to anymore.
And for all the real "Friends" I have, I want them all right besides me, present right here right now... I don’t like distances...It feels like a black screen and I don’t know what’s happening on the other end.
I want to learn to lie and deceive... not cuz I want to, but cuz sometimes it’s necessary to deceive others and lie to them in order to shield myself from them, to not be perpetually vulnerable to all and sundry.
I want to see the whole world...all nooks and corner. That ways I get to meet you all as well. Would be so much fun!!!
I care, I understand... but now I want to be understood as well. I want to stop caring, cuz too much of it doesn’t seem worth it anymore.
I am a happy person, but with time it’s becoming harder and harder to stay this ways... I don like being unhappy, makes me sick inside... and its got nothing to do with things like job, love, money, friends, myself - nothing. I know how to smile in the worst of the situations and I want to stay that ways. I don want to lose it`.
I want to laugh again, direct dil se and not just on the surface. Haven’t REALLY laughed in a long time. I miss it. My friends used to call me crazy and used to ask me to stop it. They said it was infectious... but not anymore. I want to laugh again just like that
Genuine, Genuine, and Genuine - I am tired of hearing that word, over and over and over again... I don’t want to be called that anymore. Cuz people first say they admire it and then they use it against me to hurt me instead!
I want to have more time to read, to sleep, to be with myself and to explore what interests me, not what others expect me to.
I want to blog more often... not once a week, but once a day.
I want to live, just like I want, just the way I am meant to and not lose myself somewhere in the daily grind.
I want to die the way I am, smiling and with the stone on my grave saying – “A Human SMILES in peace here”
Is it too much to ask for? I don’t want everything, just my peace of mind... and well it will come on its own if I have all this...Just this much!!! ;D
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Keshi - Thanks for tagging me on this one. Made me think of so many wonderful books that I have read and so many things they teach us. I simply LOVED reviving my memory about all the characters and the events.
- Jot down 5 of your favorite quotes from the various books you've read,
- Tag 5 people at the end
I am gonna go a step further, and mention the quotable quotes which are on top of the looooong list that I have. So here I go : -
Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Winne the Pooh
A day is like a whole life. You start out doing one thing, but end up doing something else, plan to run an errand, but never get there... Your whole life has the same shape as a single day. - Jurassic Park
Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all; because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. - The Velveteen Rabbit
All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. - Animal Farm
If we want things to stay as they are, things will have to change. - The Leopard
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all doing direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. - A Tale of Two Cities
Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and its solution is its own reward. - The Adventure Of The Blue Carbuncle (Sherlock Holmes)
Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. - The Yellow Face (Sherlock Holmes)
Evil is impotent and has no power but that which we let it extort from us. - Atlas Shrugged
Rationality is the recognition of the fact that nothing can alter the truth and nothing can take precedence over that act of perceiving it. - Atlas Shrugged
It's said that the worst thing one can do to a man is to kill his self-respect. But that's not true. Self-respect is something that can't be killed. The worst thing is to kill a man's pretense at it - Fountainhead
It takes two to make a very great career: The man who is great, and the man-- almost rarer-- who is great enough to see greatness and say so." - Fountainhead
Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn't done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity. There is no standard of personal dignity except independence. Altruism is the doctrine which demands that man live for others and places others above self - Fountainhead
Never hate your enemies. It clouds your judgment – Godfather
'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain yourself!'
'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself, you see.'
'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.' - Alice in wonderland
To end with, I’d like to mention a quote that truly expresses the connect that we have with each other through this lovely place called blogville:
Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs, breaking the shackles of time, allowing us to voyage through time. – Cosmos
And I am going to Tag - Venky, Shaifali, Biplab, Sudeshna, and Mayank - simply cuz thy r my least active blogger friends AND AND AND... Sachi on special request.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Reviving the faith
But m back now and here are the answers that enlightened me, made sense to me and made me see the logic :-
Keshi - And even if it took me to a wrong/sad place, I BELIEVE it's meant for me. Cos Instincts is the only natural map in life that I have been gifted with, so I follow it RELIGIOUSLY. And I have total faith in that, cos it dun hv conditions that limit me. It only tells me of real things. To me, thats God.
***I wish I could do the same. Listen to my inner voice all the time and let it take me through.
Sol - What is essential is to live life COMPLETELY.
***now this is somethin i really believe in
Hobo - I sometimes pass my inner-voice and I am wrong but yes I try to stick to it but the duration of inner-voice is too less
***yes, I do ignore that voice too often too
Cindy - What matters is holding onto it just a lil longer just when you think you cant no more. Nd its in those macro seconds of an extra effort for endurance comes the moment of redemption.
***holding on girl, holding on J…. You put it so well
Lena - And having doubts is a natural state of human mind. Without doubts there is no moving forward.
***Bang on! If I don’t doubt what I see, I will never know if my belief is right or wrong, I will never know if I need to hold on to it stronger or just let go
Comfortable Numb - What is it that you have COMPLETE faith in?
Why do you have so much faith in it?
Cos nothing else in this world guarantees me a place in the world I want for myself.
***you gave a totally new meaning to this question :)
Sameera - the flame never died, though it flickered
***summarized perfectly :)
Aneesh - you mentioned faith....I was wondering how could I forget that. Fate indeed is something I believe in. Which I could write it at least for myself! ;p
Vinu and Samby - thanks a lot for sharing all that you did with me on this post. Your comments really really touched me and made me think in a way that I did not earlier. God bless you both and may you never be short of happiness! Made my faith in nice people stronger…cuz you did not need to get personally involved in making me feel better, but you did
Rajesh - Faith is spiritualized imagination
***Just loved tht line, what a quote!!!
Priya J- I just want to say faith hasn't to hav reason but ur reason has to have faith.
***food for thought, and coming from a girl as young as you, I couldn’t help smiling and thinking that kids these days are not even close to being as bad as they are made to be. Lovely!!!
Wollgathering - Y this craving?
***another food for thought, will let u know if I find the answer.
And lastly, what Roy said - You know -- people do keep faith every day, they just don't recognize it. It’s FAITH that helps you to think, your friends will read this post & comment you back
You guys totally proved him rite... Love ya all so much...Bless Ya :D
To end this post I will used Deb's words - Feel ur faith.. rise.. all ova again !