Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Love Is What Love Is!

A few days back I was having a conversation with one of my teenaged friend from the so called "AAJ KE BACCHE" brigade and got some really funny insights on what love and relationship is to the new yuppie gang. It was majorly amusing because it was almost exactly opposite to what my views on this topic are. It was more about being selfish than being selfless. And for some wiered reason, some bits of it did make sense too. Now that’s for sure a surprise for me too :)

Not that I am less of a mush pot already, but his insights made me sound like a totally filmy, old bollywood-ish, romantic nut case!!! He even pointed out some new bollywood flicks that kind of depict the new-age romance. But guess what, I still happened to nail him on this one. Because no matter what and no matter how (in reference to the movies he mentioned) - at the end of it - ALL IZZZZ WELL... it’s always a happy ending, as absurd and illogical as they maybe, they are still happy endings, there is still romance and there is till the feel good factor.

So well, then since I almost won the argument, my friend suddenly popped the question of what Love and relationships mean to me? How I would like it to be? And all these questions were accompanied by a very sarcastic "Let's see the dream world you live in". I laughed it off but thought about it at the back of my head and wondered if it’s really that blown up in my head.

I had a discussion, argument and disagreement for each point with me and with him and here is how it went:

I said: Love's like this balm, the one that erases all the heart aches you have had. Like the pain you feel right now will be erased from your heart when you find someone who really loves you. It’s when they want to give you the world and that’s exactly what they are themselves for you

He argued: oh what crap! Comes with a lot of complication. you love, he doesn’t love or he loves and u don’t love back.... and what if it anyways doesn’t work out, u both end up hurting. No correlation. Plus sometimes these very people will end up hurting you knowingly and unknowingly. And please stop being filmy - I can get you the moon and the world and all that. I don’t buy it... NEXT PLEASE

I said: when you can totally respect them, admire them for who they are and exactly like they are... even after a disagreement or an argument... and probably even in the middle of it.

He argued: Uh well, you only keep saying that people change. So what if he/she changes? Or is probably not what he/she seemed to be? Then this concept goes for a toss too. You would end up being bitter about getting what you din not sign up for. Nah, don buy it either... Next

I said: it has to be someone one can let go of their dreams for... not as a sacrifice but cuz the bigger and more important dream in ones life is to be with that person and collective happiness of both the partners. Of course it goes without saying that both people must feel the same and hence take a collective decision on what suits them best.

He argued: ummmm... this still sounds better with the ifs and buts, which makes it relative isn’t it? So then it’s not selfless so as to say! And what if only one person is constantly giving up most of the times, the bitterness of COMPROMISE will crop in sooner or later - either subtly or prominently. Ah blah!

I said: its trust - in yourself that no thing and no person can tempt you enough to give up on him. Its trust - actually blind trust - one that can make you face your worst fears cuz you know he's holding you...

He argued: Oh my queen of trust failures, did u read your own blog post, the latest one??? Or are you just duh enough to have forgotten everything??? Need I say more?

I argued: yeah well trusting wont come easy, all I mean to say is that despite all odds, love makes you trust that person like that. Else it’s just a compromise...Or at least that’s what I feel!

He said: yeah I got my answer - u r that Duh! Best of luck :p ... and continue

We ended up laughing and continued our discussion

I said: Now this is going to sound clichéd but its being there for someone, through thick and thin... always an ear to lend and a shoulder to cry on - like best friends for life

He agreed (for a change): now that’s true. But isn’t it a part of all bonds that we form - family and friends

I smiled: Yes, that’s why as corny as it sounded in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - I for a change agree with Sharukh that "Love is friendship"... infact I think friendship as a bond is probably a lot above that.

He agreed again - and this time I pointed out triumphantly that he agreed with mushy movies of my time...LOL... though this being a Sharukh movie pissed him beyond explanation

I said: It’s true; love is friendship, the one that makes you feel so secure with the other person that you know that with all the ups and downs of life, he will get you through just by being there.

He sat in silence, listening intently....

Its companionship, the feeling that you would never run out of conversations, that you will never fall short of words and even when there is silence it will be comfortable

Its that level of comfort where there is uninhibited laughter... at even the silliest things... cuz it binds you together... when you can smile together at life cuz there is someone to witness every tear and wipe it away too

It’s when you say and do things for someone, for no reason at all. When you love their imperfections too, and know that each and every quirk adds to who they are and without those little things, it will be someone else

Its when every little thing matters - the way they crinkle their nose, the way they call your name, the wiered nick names, the way they look at you, the warmth you feel when they smile at you, the way they laugh, the way they make their hair...

He laughed: WHAT?

I continued: yes, even that. The way they tease you over nothing, the small things they do to irritate you, the sweet nothings and the not so sweet arguments over nothing. It’s when you know that despite all odds, you want to keep that person for life...

You know, it’s like that dialogue from "Shall we Dance"... one where they talk about a witness to your life. It’s like having a witness to every little thing you do, someone who makes sure that your life will not go unnoticed. That you and everything you do - good, bad, ugly - is special to someone and you are someone special for them. That someone is looking out for you and you are looking out for them through every step you take in life.

Its just that feeling, that comfort that person gives you about being yourself, that makes you love yourself for who you are and as you are... the same way you love them for who they are and as they are.

After a long silence, he asked: Have you ever been in love? I mean does it really feel that ways?

I smiled

He said: ok now that was a duh question wasn’t it? I think you are just making it sound that good. Pure Bullshit.... u r getting in to my brains now, stop polluting my thots woman... M outta here.

I said: You can pick what you want to do with it but Love is what Love is!

He said: Uh watever - Cya later, alligator (winking)... And you, well best of luck... M not as old as u r, but I don think that thing exists... or does it? Ok never mind - I gotta go do some physics homework and this surely doesn’t help... and we are never talking about it again. GET IT?

I laughed: Ok, Get it! Now leave

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 5:33 PM 6 comments

Monday, January 10, 2011

Stranger in the making - III

Innocence and trust have no value these days - do they?
I am questioning myself and answering at the same time
No - it surely does not!!!

But it is a little extreme when people will do things going all out of their way to make you trust them only with a plan to break it. OUCH! It hurts a lot. Especially when you have to literally pay a bomb for it, like an atom bomb worth of real money. Till today it had never been a concern for me. I have never valued money over people or over general state of being sane. I would rather spend money and not bother about it then being in a mentally disturbed or depressed state - be it myself or someone I know - money was never above people. And hold on - I am not talking about the usual shopping and chocolate indulgence women use for mood lift! I am talking about travelling with friends, catching up with an old friend even if thy are in a different city, Making loooooong calls, joining a class, going for a drive - cuz they need it or cuz i need it- things which are decently expensive to not so expensive but keep my or my friend's general happiness in day to day life intact and hence help us being sane.

This time around though, even that hasn’t help, even though I am totally bankrupt now.... I don’t know what to believe - that money is important, cuz I suddenly have none or that mental sanity is still more important, which doesn’t prevail right now since I don’t seem to comprehend till date what happened and why and of course how even with all my money gone, I am actually more distressed! Yeah I am worried about my bank balance for a change!!!!

And it’s not just that – it’s also about people. What do I do? Do I stop believing and trusting in people? To not believe anyone who I meet and question even people who I think as good friends? Cuz people who did what they did were also supposedly good friends!!! SO if I am duh and naive enough to not being able to judge people well, then how do I know that the people I trust are actually trustworthy? So do I just suddenly start disbelieving and doubting everyone, cuz people change and will obviously never tell you what they really have in mind!!!

At the same time there are people who have been there for me pretty much... Abhi, Sud, Nicks, Mads, Surs, Fali, Arjun.... and they are not acquaintances; they are not someone I happened to know... they are people I can rely on... But weren’t they also acquaintances once... its because I thot of them as potential good friends that I talked to them and then as great people that is why they became close friends. So if I stop believing, I won’t meet more people like these and will completely cut myself from any potential goodness left in the world!

I don’t know, this is all so confusing. I don’t have it in myself to look forward to meeting new people anymore. I am done with that nonsense. I think I am too old to meet new people and get stuck in some more bullshit just cuz even at this age I tend to trust people. I should not. I WILL NOT I RESOLVE!

SO yeah trust is overrated and I seemed to have discoverd it the hard way. There is no value to it. We can trust someone as much as we want and they will still screw it from all sides possible. Sometimes even if they have proven other wise... So just like each day is new, the equation that we have with other people is also renewed. Today they maybe extremely trustworthy and tomorrow the bang opposite. We will never see the other side of a person, the ugly one more often than not, till they chose us the lucky winner. And in my case I seem to be winning that a lot these days.

What to do such is the breed called Homo sapiens! And I am too black and white to deal with it, so as usual I shall deem it all black and I am outta it...

And for that thing called trust, here are my last words to you:-

Dear Trust

Well I shall hope to see you sometime, it was good to know you but extinction is quite a hazard. I know I have used you too much and have completely spent you on silliest of people and I know I run the risk of not trusting someone worthy anymore, but oh what the hell!!! Being proven wrong this time around would actually be a super delight as compared to the other way round as a practice and being let down by everyone. Goodbye trust.

Will try dealing with your half sister called expectations the same way and hopefully say the same to her soon

Till then.. Whatever!

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 4:07 PM 5 comments