Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Love at first sight!
And if it’s anything to do with "first sight" it most certainly is based on how someone or something looks. This is anyways against my strong belief of inner beauty. I'm not trying to be philosophical here, just that I do believe that looks, per say, don matter much.
Or shud I say, I used to believe tht... cuz I have finally experienced love at first sight. With a place and a person. A rocking city - Las Vegas - Just like the sign says "FABULOUS LAS VEGAS"
And a rockin hunk - Matthew
But to be frank, I haven’t had a more wonderful trip in my life. Las Vegas is the most amazing place on this earth... Yes... I had the time of my life last month, thanks to Vegas... I loved it beyond belief and I am sure not going to forget it ever... guess not even in a memory loss situation.
The show just simply rocked and that’s where I spotted Matty... N I still can’t stop smiling at the mention of his name...Geee... So cute! I mean he is as hot as one can be - or like Deanna commented - How can someone be SO hot... LOL ... but I fell for his cute vibrant smile more than the hotness factor... which of course was not at all something one could overlook... Sigh!!!
I wish we could interact a little more and maybe I could stay there a little longer... stupid after show party was just not long enough... but nevertheless, I shall never forget our short conversation about Cricket (he was from Australia) and a few compliments I managed to get from him (Thank god I decided to dress up unlike my usual self)... Gawd he was hot... almost made me forget John... Teehee! I sound like a smitten teenager don I? But who cares... I am smitten after all! Teeheee...
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Some goodbyes are forever....
Have you ever let go of someone who meant the most to you but just did not feel right... friend/family/love... anyone. You had the strongest, most logical reason to part ways and so you did. And when you couldn’t find that person anymore around you, you realized how much you needed them... and you just never stop missing them, thinking about them and wondering if they think about you too. Even thought the right thing to do was let go, but if given a chance, you would not do it a second time.
I will make a confession today and say, I have done that in life. I let one of my closest friends... one of the people who gave me some of my best memories in life...walk away. And I am saddened to see that a lot of people are doing that too.
Just makes me think how stupid we humans can be. We invest our emotions, our love and our feelings in someone and then... we just let that person walk away in a fit of anger, disappointment, hurt... whatever the reason maybe. We forget all those small little things that made that person so special and those moments that we would cherish for life. We let them go and then once the anger, the resentment settles down... we suffer for the longest time ever. They move on, cuz you asked them to...but you stand there forever, looking at the footsteps they left behind. I swear I tried hard to make things fine, but I guess it was too late. You had gone too far... too far to hear my voice, to far to see me.
You can’t move forward, cuz there's no way there. You can’t follow them, cuz that's not right and you would reach no where in the end. And you can’t even go back. You know you will never see them or hear from them, that they are gone forever. And you are scared that you will forget the feeling of being with them, the way they sounded, the way they looked, the way they were with you... that you would forget the best of your memories without them. You are scared they will become just a faint memory, that they will become someone you know existed but cannot recall. And you are scared that you would lose whatever is left of them with you.
I am pretty sure that even if I did not take the decision I took, the things would still be the way they are today. We would still not be friends. You would still have found another excuse to do what you did.... cuz that’s how you wanted things to be. But I still so wish that the excuse wasn’t me... that maybe if it wasn’t me, then maybe it wouldn’t have been you either... that maybe we were still friends... I wish you had been more honest and I wish I was more patient. I can’t speak for you anymore, so I don’t know about the dishonesty bit on your part, but I do know bout my impatience and I wish I had held on a bit longer... just a wee bit longer. I wish I hadn't given up.
I'm sorry for the fight we had... I truly am. I still miss you... I still love you... I still trust you so much that though I know all your lies, my heart still doesn't believe any of it. I miss the friend, who understood my passion like no one else has ever been able to understand, not my family - not my best friend. And I know no-one ever will.
There are all kinds of mistakes, good - bad, big - small, others - ours... but there are some mistakes, some decisions we take - that we can neither forget and nor forgive ourselves for. And it’s always easier to live with someone else's mistake and forgive them, but not your own...specially the ones that give you a bruise for a lifetime. Cuz it kills you from within each day, cuz it’s your own guilt and you are responsible for making yourself suffer... cuz you can’t even complain... cuz you can’t play the blame game.
So when you feel like saying goodbye - be very careful and just remember - that some goodbyes are forever...