Heart'n'Soul

Thursday, August 28, 2008

A Matter of Faith

Today, I was driving back from work... late at night and there was hardly any other vehicle on the road. It was scary and yet I did not feel like going home. I just wanted to drive and go along with the road instead. There was nothing on my mind. I felt numb, lifeless and drained of all my emotions and energy. Nothing happened to make me feel this ways. Except for the fact that I had a long hard day, it was good. In fact a little better than the usual days at work. So i don't know why I felt this ways, but I did. I realised I need to visit that one place, the only place that invokes a sense of inner peace in me and so I did. And it worked too, it really did!

Its Bangla Sahib Gurudwara in Delhi. No no no, I am not a religious person at all. My concept of religion is very different and I shall leave that topic for some post some day. But I do owe it to my religious background and my family to have introduced me to this place. The vast expanse of sparkling white marble, the golden dome and detailed carvings, the small silent pond and the calm and quiet fishes in it... Siiiiiiggggghhhhh!!!! All kinds of people come here... all sects, all status, all religions.. just about everyone.

What struck me today especially was a lady rite in front of me who couldn't walk properly. She was very very old and couldn't bend her knees. So to do something as simple as sitting down - she had to first bend from her waist, place her hands on the floor, lie down on her stomach, turn to her side while bending her legs inwards from the waist and then sitting up. She still took the pain to come all the way, without any one's help and all alone at 11:30 PM in the night. There must be something about this place, or the religion, that her faith in it is so strong. I have seen too many people doing 'Seva' (service) there. The richest of women clad in the designer clothes and diamond jewellery swipe the floor while the men who drive Mercedes and BMW's serve by taking the visitor's shoes and keeping them in stands. I have seen people getting their new borns here directly from the hospital, even before he/she is taken home, when doctors strictly advice them to keep the infant away from public places. People standing in hot sun and serving water to other visitors, people cleaning the left overs and the "Langar" plates with their own hands and people drinking water from the pool meant for washing the visitor's feet.

I admit, I have never done anything there, I just visit once in a while. I don't have the reason I guess.
What is it about this place or the religion that they need to do all this? I believe its their faith - blind or otherwise. It made me think how I have faith in nothing anymore. How my belief system is not that strong anymore. And that there is nothing and no one that I truly truly have faith in and believe in. Yes I do have faith in certain people and certain ideals, but I don't have COMPLETE FAITH even in myself anymore. Some faith and belief, here and there...but nothing more nothing less. I don't COMPLETELY believe in Love, Friendship, Life, Family, Religion, Hard Work....nothing at all. Everything seems to have exceptions attached to it! Maybe I am too skeptical, Maybe I have seen only exceptions, Maybe I myself am an exception. But whatever it is, there is really nothing that I have complete faith in - no person, no relation, no concept, no ideal - Nothing.
SO you tell me now....
What is it that you have COMPLETE faith in?
Why do you have so much faith in it?
Are there really no exceptions that have challenged your faith?
And if not have you never thought about these exceptions?
And if yes, how do you stick to your faith without faltering?

Lemme know - Lemme know what you think, and I will try picking up the answers that make me rethink about my belief system and put it up in my next post :)

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 2:05 AM 46 comments

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Sho-E-paholic

When I see you in the window, my heart skips a beat and you make me feel reckless and out of control till I possess you.

I can’t sleep; I can’t eat cuz your image is stuck in my mind.

I have a lot of you, but I want some more....actually not some, but all that I like.

Every time I get my hands on you, the adrenaline just starts pumping... what a feeling it is.

I lie to mom about how much money I spent on you.

My account maybe empty and my credit limit may be getting over, but the financial damage from my little binges doesn’t bother me if it’s about you

I own you in 30 different forms, not including the ones I hardly use; I still think I need more.

Doesn’t matter how the day has been, the month has been or the year has been... one more and my smile is back – brighter than ever.

You can make my day, any day.

I am obsessed, I am possessed
I am a Sho-E-paholic

*** These are three of my current favourites ***

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 5:17 PM 53 comments

Monday, August 18, 2008

The Rose Tinted Glasses


FROM BEHIND THE GLASSES
From this side, it all seems so nice, so pleasant and so so so very glowing. My glass is still half full and despite all the dark clouds lingering in the sky, I am still looking for my silver lining. I love these glasses...

I love them cuz they help me never give up. As much as I may crib n cry foul, they do take me through the toughest situations. They make me never give up on my friends even when they are being difficult.

Every time I am let down by something or someone...it hurts. But I carry on cuz my rosy glasses remind me that at least I did my bit and did it to the best of my abilities. They tell me that every time someone has hurt me it might not be their intention and that every time someone does something nice for me; there may not be an ulterior motive.
It might be a dog-eat-dog world but not everyone will back stab you to get to the top.

THE OTHER SIDE
You are plain stupid. You like them not cuz you are fond of them but cuz you don wanna know the truth sometimes. Cuz you are scared of the true tones of this world and its people.

Remove them, deal with the world as it is and you won’t ever need to cry n crib. It just takes you through the toughest situations but you don’t learn anything out of it and end up being hurt again and again and again.

Yes, not everyone is bad...but get rid of the rosy shades and you will see that not everyone is as great as you make them to be. And so sometimes, you should let go of the difficult ones cuz they don’t deserve to be your friend.

Save yourself the heart break cuz if they are being difficult and do not realize the fact that you have done your bit to the best of your abilities, then they don’t value you. And so they don’t deserve you.

It is a dog eat dog word...get rid of those glasses, cuz it makes even a wolf look like just another dog to you.
posted by Heart'n'Soul at 4:56 PM 56 comments

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

To the end and beyond


For all the letters I wrote and can never send
For all the calls that will never get through
For all the conversations that we never had
For all the times I felt uncared for
For all the times I have been misunderstood
For all those nights that I have cried myself to sleep

I wish you were here to hold my hand and take me through this thing called life when I seem to have lost my way and can not fathom the truth. When I can not differentiate between what’s right and what’s wrong… cuz my thoughts are obscured by my emotions and my vision is blurred by my tears.

I wish you were here to end this nothingness, this overwhelming solitude. It’s a whirlwind of emotions inside but I still feel so numb...cuz I don’t have you to share it with.

I seem to have no answer anymore, cuz you my friend are never coming back. It’s been six years now, and I still can’t seem to come to terms with the loss. Something always feels amiss, a void that makes me feel empty inside.

Losing you and dealing with it has been one hell of a torture, one that will never end. I don’t think I will ever be able to completely recover from this loss and there will always be those moments when nothing will be enough...just like today!

And I still try to smile, cuz you wanted me to. I still try believing in people, cuz you asked me to.

You have taught me how to be a friend in true sense of the word... How to never take anyone for granted...How to care unconditionally...How to be there always...How to be trustworthy... But there’s is one thing that you did not teach me - how to be without you. How to care about myself cuz I never had to and cuz no one else seems to care enough.

And so, I miss the hug that used to make me feel like I am the most precious person on this earth. I miss that smile that acted like sunshine every time my life was shadowed by the dark gloomy clouds. I miss my strongest shoulder to cry on and the warmth that told me that there is someone who will always love me and need me. I miss those pep talks that made me believe that nothing can ever go wrong,

And you know what Kev...till you went; nothing ever went wrong...And since you have left, nothing has ever been right. I miss you a lot and I always will. And as much as I know I can’t do anything to get you back, I would do anything to see you just one more time.

Love Always
D

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 5:30 PM 35 comments

Monday, August 11, 2008

A(wwww)GUST!!!

Yeah...its “Awwww poor baby” time for me. One of those months of the year that always kept me excited, especially in the first week, seemed to have dampened my spirits rite in the beginning of the month!!! Friendship week, Rakhi and a few important birthdays kept me busy...but this year, well I don feel like myself!!! Except for all the goodie goodie compliments for my new pic…of course it doesn’t matter that my sister thinks I look like a retard instead…LOL

I love travelling, and this month looks jam packed. But after the first trip to Bangalore/Kochi... I am scared of going anywhere at all. The month started with a BAD BAD BAD day at office...was juggled from project to project, THREE TIMES in just one single day. And no one was willing to tell me WHY ? Usual office politics at the higher level took its toll on me and yeah I cried…..I CRIED….I mean I CRIED!!! That too - IN OFFICE...DIIIIAAAMMMM....felt so stupid after that. My leave was also cancelled :”( the only solace was that I was looking forward to a trip to Kochi with my friends.

I think there is something majorly wrong with my stars this month...the one thing that was the reason for me to smile, my trip last weekend, got totally messed up!!!

It started with a flight delay at the time of take off...so I called my friend to airport accordingly...but guess wt??? The flight landed 45 minutes early...LOL...History in the making for Indian airports I guess.... and so I was stranded alone at the airport for almost an hour. Then came the next morning....got up somehow, packed our bags and left for Kochi feeling pretty excited. But just as soon as we started noticing and admiring the natural beauty of God's own country...something like an earthquake shook us well out of our cheerful and bright mood. The smile on our face faded away...Why? cuz of the beautifully constructed crater like wholes in the road...and well we drove in similar conditions for next 4 n a half hours...I mean seriously...FOUR AND A HALF HOURS...My friend did all the cribbing cuz the poor thing had to bear the brunt of the lovely roads…feel sorry for him and his car!!! And the icing on the cake - Kochi welcomed us with a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG traffic jam. By the time we reached our hotel, we were dead tired and I am sure if a dissection was carried out on us, some of our bones would be discovered out of place due to all the shaking and the breaking! Ufffffffffff!!!

If that was not enough, the next day, just when I was in the bath room...trying to relieve my totally fucked up back(how and why is another story), the tap broke...can u believe it!!!! It just fell out of the wall...JUST LIKE THAT...And it was a 5 star hotel for god’s sake ....eeehihihihihihi...FIVE STAR!!!!! The water flooded the loo and the room. Ok I know how to swim...and as irrelevant as it mite be...I was still scared. I am scared of water and I felt like m gonna drown n die rite there rite then. - in the bathtub...DONT YOU DARE LAUGH...the stupid thing fell on my foot and the water came dashing full force on my face. I was not in my senses for next one hour. Ok fine laugh if you want to but I can’t help it, water is the only thing I am really scared of. Can face other things I fear but not water I guess!!! What guess Div??? You surely can not face it!

Anyway, the way back was equally exciting with the craters that seemed to have widened. Looks like my stars wanted to have some more fun...so on a short visit to a CCD on the way back home, I merrily forgot my cell phone there...my Sony Ericson that I had bought just a month back...the moment I realized it, my heart stopped beating...I almost had a heart attack...felt so idiotic and lost....I guess I was!!! But I got it back...thanks to the staff there, I am still alive...cuz if the mini cardiac arrest wouldn’t have killed me, my mum sure wud have!

You think its over….hahahahaha…read on for some more twists and turns…for some reason I was feeling cold like crazy, that too in South India during this time of the year….everyone was looking at me like I am an alien in a pull over. The flight IN was still better cuz the guy sitting next to me was talking to me so the time flew by and I made a new friend…but flight OUT was miserable. I was freezing and spicejet did not have blankets, was damn woozy and felt like I will throw up. My friend advised me to grab a bite as soon as the flight ppl serve something…I tried following the advice but ended up puking it all out as soon as I finished eating it. Felt frail and exhausted!!! Eeewwwwwww…. I wished badly that it would end but the anticlimax was me fainting on Delhi airport, they said my BP was higher than it should be…and as soon as I regained consciousness, I was feeling sorry for the poor guys who had to carry me…of course I think it’s funny now. Poor Guys really!!!

But this is just the least of it...cuz exactly on friendship day; I managed to lose two of my close friends. BINGO....what a celebration!!! One doesn’t seem to care enough…wonder if I was ever considered a friend and the other has just moved on in life. It hurts like hell and if it was in my hands, I would never let go… but well, sometimes - to be yourself, you got to stop being yourself. Now that’s a good one for Speaking Dee Dee section…LOL!!!

But well, like Linda Goodman wisely said...this saggi girl for sure has those little wings tied to her feet and has her rose tinted glasses resting perfectly on her nose. So as much as I am scared that my trips this month may not be that great, I am still ready with my bags packed.

Here is how August looks like -

- Next Weekend, a trip to Dalhousie...mountain hopping again...YAYEEEE!!! Praying that god gives me enough courage to touch the water taps in the hotel or else my friends will be suffering from self induced nose blockage. And the trouble seems to have already started here cuz my stay is confirmed but not the train tickets…LOL

- Once the project kicks off on or after 20th I shall be visiting Chennai and/or Bangalore...depending on which team I am in.

And well if my luck will have it, even Egypt is not far, just that I still don’t have a passport!!! Yeah I know I should get one ASAP…Sigh!!! The form is too long to fill.

JAM PACKED I SAY...but my philosophy says that if you want to make time for something you really like and really want, it happens automatically and doesn’t need any special effort...so I shall make time for blogville and even if I don post a lot, I promise to drop by regularly and read what all of you are doing :)

Wish me luck...I don want to drown n die!!!! I wonder what mischief my stars are up to this time ***raising the eyebrow!!!

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 4:00 PM 46 comments

Friday, August 8, 2008

Heart of Matters of Heart

You are so genuine
You are so loving
You are so caring
You are so understanding
You are everything I could ask for
We are so compatible and you are such a great company

It’s so easy to fall in love with someone like you, But I can’t, cuz I DON’T love you

What a pity and What an Irony!!! But it all so true... cuz in matters of heart...its really Black or white. You can neither force someone to love you. Nor can you force someone not to love you. And funnily enough, we can’t even force OURSELVES to fall in or out of love with someone. You either do or you don’t.

Love, I believe is the largest paradox - the most delightful and yet the most agonizing thing in the world. It’s like this quote I read somewhere -“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun”.

If you have it, you don need anything else. If you don’t have it, nothing else matters.

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 1:31 AM 59 comments

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Two-To-TA(n)G(o)

Disclaimer - please don bother bout the spellings...
This ones courtsey Arun
THE 30 Question TAG...PHEW!!!
1.Last movie you saw in a theater?
The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger is just Amazing)....ARUN m not changin the answer cuz thts the same for me
2.What book are you reading?
Vector - Robin Cook
3.Favorite Board
GameLudo....lol
4.Favorite magazine(s)
Mostly lifestyle and auto mags
5.Favorite smells?
Natural - the earth just wet by first shower of rains, petrol
Artificial - Pleasures by Estee Lauder, Green tea by Elizabeth Arden, Chanel Chance, Nina by Nina Ricci, Femme by Hugo Boss and more :p
6.Favorite sound
Birds chirpin in the mornin, tip tapping of the rain drops, water splash :)
7. Worst feeling in the world?
Loneliness...When you cant be with the one you love - could be rejection, separation, distance...anything....but the feeling of helplessness to do anything bout it makes one feel so empty and drained.
8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?
Can I sleep for 5 more minutes?
9. Favorite fast food place?
Too many to name... but I prefer the roadside Dhabas and Chaat shops - same pinch Arun, not changing the ans here too
10. Future child’s name? - ***Arun??? whos HER???
Ok i know the ans...i have a long list...u can chose from it if u have a confusion but i shall not reveal the list here ...just the one baby girl name i love the most and thats TRUSHA
11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….
Travel around the world - wow, same pinch again
12. Do you drive fast?
Yeah...but depends on the traffic n urgency
13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?
Nah...one stuffed toy cnt sleep with the other one...lol
14. Storms - cool or scary?
Ummmmm....depends
15. What was your first car?
Maruti Zen...the baby still stays
16. Favorite drink?
Coffffeeeeeeeeeeeeee
17. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?
I don wan time...i wish i had 12 hrs a day...i don like being idle
18. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?
Yep!!
19. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?
RED...hahahahah, No actually i love my hair color too :)
20. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?
Arun...i was in Kochi this weekend man!!!! I have lived in Delhi then Pune n now back to Del
21. Favorite sports to watch?
Indian Cricket, F1 and Lawn tennis, synchronised swimming and gymnastics
22. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?
Thought provoking man - wt a rare breed...lolJust kiddin...Arun seems to be pretty sensitive about a lot of things and unlike most of us, thy r social causes n not personal....admire tht though his topics are always controversial...lol
23. What’s under your bed?
My bathroom slippers
24. Would you like to be born as yourself again?
Nopes... I am tired of being myself
25. Morning person, or night owl?
Night Owl
26. Over easy, or sunny side up?Whats over easy????
....dun know wt to answer....wts the ref. to context and whts the context ;p
27. Favorite place to relax?
Anywhere with my closest buddies
28. Favorite pie?
Chocolate... I'm a sucker for Anything Choco.. a total chocoholic....ARUN, this too same to same
29.Favorite ice cream flavor?
Chocolate....need i say anything to this
30. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?
Not taggin anyone....but whoever reads this and wants to do it, go ahead, wud love to read ur answers

______________________________________________________
NOW THE SECOND ONE....Sameera tagged me for this one
HERS how it works: The rules are:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.
3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
What is your first name?
What is your favorite food? right now?
What high school did you go to?
What is your favorite color?
Who is your celebrity crush?
What is your favorite drink?
What is your dream vacation?
What is your favorite dessert?
What do you want to be when you grow up?
What do you love most in life?
What is one word that describes you?
What is your user name?


AGAIN...whoever is interested, plz go ahead...consider urself tagged :)

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posted by Heart'n'Soul at 4:12 PM 33 comments