Heart'n'Soul

When we were all babies, our parents would tell us all the time to not touch the hot bottle, or electric plugs, or not to eat and chew on our toys as it’s harmful. And yet, the first thing we did when they were not looking is do exactly what they asked us not to do. We burnt our hand and cried. We got an electric shock and cried. We swallowed funny things and cried bloody murder.

And still, when some thing new came along, we were more than eager to explore it and try, even though our parents insisted AGAIN that it can be harmful. Ignorance being our excuse, we would still go ahead with it.

But I believe there was a bigger factor there. This was our unadulterated trust in the hands that cradled us to sleep and wrapped them around us every time something went wrong. We knew no matter what happens, they will be there to hold us and make things fine. Fear was not a consideration.

I was born in December and apparently it was a good cold year. Luxury was not a consideration in my house then. One room is all we had and that was certainly more than enough for all three of us. And later on when my sis was born, even for all four of us. But despite that, I had the finest and the most luxurious sleep all the time. My dad would put me on his arm and then wrap his arm on his chest. I would sleep just fine, actually perfect, all night long... while my dad probably was uncomfortable being in that position. And the next day he would do the same again.

I was obviously never bothered about cold and how I would sleep. I was so loved that I wasn’t even allowed to feel the cold. And that's why I trusted completely.

BUT THEN I GREW UP

My world now comprises of not just my mom and dad but many more.

Not so long back, or at least that’s how it seems. I used to be this open, friendly, trusting person who would let in people in her life easily. Make friends and let them be. I am still friendly, open and trusting. But the fact that there is even that little space to fit in the doubt, the fear - takes away from the joy and happiness that life and people can give us. Because my ability to trust people completely, with anything and everything, has gone to hibernation... maybe I have even lost it.

Unlike the childhood, the fear has set in because my world has grown from just the two beautiful people and their loving hearts to a huge word of randomness filled with too much of deceit, lies and hatred. I am not unaffected either. I have learnt to lie, to fear, to lock people out and to dislike and even hate them.

And so, now when I have an opportunity to meet someone new or do something new. More often than not - I won’t. I am too scared of the unknown. In any case; life is unpredictable and no one knows the answer to what next so why add another dimension of "NOT KNOWING" to it. It’s just that place I fear. "New" scares me because it doesn’t come with an assurance of being good.

The winter is setting in again. This time on who I am. The cozy feeling which I get from the love and care of family and friends around is just enough to keep me going and yet not enough to keep me comfortably warm. I wonder sometimes if it ever will be.

The stranger doesn’t say anything, just quietly stays next to me. Like a shadow that never leaves me and yet is the most discomforting factor of life right now.

Labels: Belief, Faith, hope, human touch, introspect, Life, memories, random, Self

Labels: friends, friendship, human touch, Life, think, time pass

I consumed "it" for not more than a minute and it felt like I am in a different world all together. My heart calmed down. I was neither nervous nor anxious anymore. Instead, I felt nice and mellow. A sheepish grin was plastered on my face and I felt like I am dreaming. I could hear music in my head. I looked at my friend thankfully, gave him a peck on his cheek and returned "it" to him.

Since then, "it" is the one thing that keeps me going in all circumstances. Just need a trusted source to provide "it" for me. It’s the feeling that "it" generates... the one of total euphoria.

HOLD ON HOLD ON!!! Don’t let the horses of your imagination too lose. It’s not the pot, the alcohol or the white stick... it’s more potent than any of these things. It’s a medicine for every illness - mental or physical. No other medicine works without it, and when everything fails - "it" still makes things better than they are. AH! The happy high it gives me.

They call it "The HUG Therapy"; I call it "The Human Touch"... after all, what comes from a heart, reaches a heart and the heart is what keeps us alive!!!

And I am dedicating this post especially to Samby, Sam, Arv, Keshi, and Nai...wtever happened shouldn’t have, but it also showed the amount of affection and concern blogville has... Goes to show how it doesn’t matter how you came to know sumone, if you have ever seen them or not, its really just what the heart feels - direct dil se!!

Labels: friendship, happy high, hug, human touch