Friday, October 1, 2010
For Now and Forever - VIII
Josh lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. The ruins of his world that had crashed long ago had now been reduced to dust.
He opened the drawer of his bed side table and took out a letter -old, opened and folded a multiple times but yet not torn.
He unfolded it once again and began reading…
You are just another name and just another person for some… but for me – the best and the worst part of my life.
You gave me the four most beautiful years of my life filled with joy of our love, and happiness that knew no bounds. And now the most traumatic time of my life… parting with you and it just doesn’t seem to end…
I don know where we lost it or was it just me? Suddenly everything looks like a farce… everything, everyone, every moment. Did you never understand me, did you never trust me or did you simply never love me?
But then what about all those special moments we spent together… our first kiss, our first dance, our first valentine day, our short trips, those long drives, the way you held my hand, the way you would cry every time I left, our silly fights, how you were always there when I got my honors, how your eyes sparkled when it rained… I remember everything as clearly as if it was just yesterday… every single thing. How you would always wear a T Shirt inside your shirt cuz u thought u were too thin, Your silly dance on the new joinee party, your ankle sprain during your only basket basketball match, your stories bout your nephew, how you ran away from the hospital when your sister was in labor, how your denims looked like they were about to fall, how your spectacles were never straight… the way you would look at me every time I was sad, how you would never drive above 50 miles/hr...And so much more...
And after all this… while I was still regretting having fought with you and wondering how to make things work and make them better... you told ME that you wish you were never with me and that you wish you were always with him. Did I never mean anything to you?
As much as I want to, I can’t even cry. The imprints of your face have been carved in my eyes forever. I fear it will wash away if I cry. But it’s only so hard not to cry, cuz it’s you I am talking about. Cuz it’s you I miss. It’s you that I have lost... irreplaceable forever. Cuz when you walked out on me, you didn’t just take a part of my life and a part of my heart with you but you also took a part of me with you.
And since that day, that place is just empty. Not even a single day has gone by when I do not wish to be with you. I still remember the day you left and every time I think about it, I wish I could ask for just a few more moments, few more days, few more years... a lifetime.
Only if I could have my way, just once. Or maybe it’s just too much to ask for.
Still loving you forever
He folded the letter neatly and held it in his hands while a lone tear trickled down from the corner of his eye, sinking to the floor silently. Josh stared at the tear drop resting on the floor unperturbed, yet futile and ineffective. He got up and walked to the fire place and placed the letter in the middle of the flames.
He stood there watching the letter burn, just like his dreams, his wishes – some went up in the flames, some reduced to ashes.
The life had come full circle, just like their song... the Josh and Grace Song.
Desperate for changing...
Starving for truth ...
I'm closer to where I started...
Chasing after you...
More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle