Friday, May 1, 2009

Its all too complicated!!!

The first quarter of this year has been a lot of things for me - Joyful, heart breaking, traumatic, gratifying, irksome, testing, adventurous, new learnings, letting go, love, hate, friendship, new people, old people, family, friends, disgusting, breath taking... etc etc etc. Just about anything and everything has changed... some for better and some for worse. So much has been thrown at me and so rapidly and so unexpectedly that most often than not, I found myself lost.... The girl who has always lived in absolute black or white was painted grey all over. Needless to say I hate it... I hate greys and I want my blacks and whites back... even if it means more of blacks.

Just a few days back when I sat down to look at the spectrum of emotions I went through, the things I did and the things I did not do... lot many questions came to my mind… a whole lot of doubts and a plethora of sensations.

I have always been this one person who always gives others a huge benefit of doubt, giving them enough chances before I give up on them, never doubting other people's intention for no good reason and sometimes even after having ample reasons (How stupid you say? I agree!!!)…. giving them the opportunity to be themselves, never judging... just letting them be.

And I guess that why all in all; I have mostly been disappointed in people. In fact - almost always.

It makes me wonder - too many people, too many lives interwoven... I don understand why people would want to make it more complicated with the fast pace and ever changing dynamics of the world, already maddening and annoying us on every step of our life. I don’t know if being simple and being black and white is queer and complicated or is it the rest of the world that is actually queer and complicated... but it just doesn’t seem right from my point of view.

Here’s why I am saying all this… some real people…

- A guy who is getting married to a girl just cuz his mother likes the girl... though he did not like the girl himself and though there is no cultural or social match between the families. Makes me wonder about the girl - I would surely not want to be in her place and get married to someone who doesn’t like me enough. And the worst of it all, the poor thing has no clue about it either.

- A mother-in-law who taunts her daughter-in-law about the medical expenses that are incurred during pregnancy... like its someone else's grandchild!!! WHY?

- A girl who is getting married to a guy just because he is rich. All they do on their dates is shopping - CK, Prada, Gucci, D&G, Sisley, Tommy.... phew. I can’t imagine getting married to a guy who’s never bought me flowers... not even a single one!!!

- A mother who runs away from home with her new lover leaving behind a 1 year old kid. I mean really!!! YOUR OWN CHILD. I am not judging her cuz she fell in love with someone else...NO... but how can you not be bothered about someone you gave birth to... How can you not care about your own child?

- A woman who is having an affair with her OWN sister's husband, putting the future of three young children at stake. The father spends all his free time with his muse while the mother of the children has a real hole in her heart. My heart really goes out to the kids and I fail to understand how a father can be so heartless. Needless to say the wife’s plight is even worse.

- A guy who makes a girl wait for him for eight long years while he is gladly indulging in adultery. And when she gets tired, and wants to get married to someone else – that too because he doesn’t want to get married, he still has the audacity to create issues in her wedding procedures.

- A guy who is madly in love with a girl for over 6 years, waiting to express himself and waiting for the right time... lets go of her cuz she is now more educated and better earning. The ego raises its ugly head.

- A husband who lies about his salary to his own wife. Doesn’t even bear the cost of child birth and rather puts it on the girl's parents. Does the child and the mother have no relation with him? It’s not the neighbor’s wife for god’s sale!!!

- A girl who is about to get married, but can’t still give up on his long list of ex-guys and current interests. She still wants to talk to them and be with them whenever possible.

- A best friend who doesn’t call anymore, cuz he got married. Mr. Dependable lets her go home alone at 2 AM in the night in a city like Delhi.

- A guy who gets drunk and calls a girl to tell her how she is the only one who understands, how no one will ever relate, shares his deepest darkest secret... but in the broad day light and somber times, he doesn’t even consider her a friend. Doesn’t give a damn about how and what she feels. Rude and Selfish are an understatement for his behavior towards her.

- A 55 year old sick man, who indulges in adult chats while his 50 year old wife dutifully goes out to earn money, come back to take care of the house - the children and also take care of her old, unwell husband. So much for gratitude... and so much for all her devotion!

- A close friend who lies for no good reason and when caught, still manages to make up excuses.

- A 45 year old divorcee, wanting to marry a 25 year old spinster, and NO it’s not a love marriage or anything, it’s an arrangement he’s looking forwards too??? Seriously... what does he think he is...? President of US or the King of England?

- A close friend who always wants you to be there, to listen to them, to take care of them... but when it’s their turn... u get just one excuse – “I am like that only”

- A guy who shoots a vulgar video of his own wife. It’s their life and they can do what they like… but that’s not where it ends. The husband shares it with his own real brother and the brother-in-law merrily distributes it further to his friends and colleagues. SICK is not the word!!!

- A guy who just got engaged... telling another girl, who he practically came on to and made out with… that he doesn’t know why but he loves her company, feels comfortable talking to her and so doesn’t want to let go... "Can't we be friends?" He says.


That’s how they make me feel. Scaring me out of my wits….

It’s just so scary to know that we can never know the true face of a person... and even if we do, the person might just change for worse… and then what?

It’s so scary to know that these kind of people exist. And that they are not too far away from me.

It’s scary to know that I may have to face them some day, and that I have faced a few already…. that I am who I am and so I may not always survive this.

Scary... cuz a second chance for these people is as trivial and as irrelevant, as the trust that others invest in them...

Scary… cuz they draw pleasure from being wide of the mark... and not just that, they are even proud of what they do... with no remorse whatsoever.

God Oh God!!! What’s becoming of this world and apparently your most beautiful creation... Or is it just me?

posted by Heart'n'Soul at 3:57 PM


huh! i dunno wt2 say!

May 1, 2009 at 4:47 PM  

@Sims - dont... i will say - u r the first one again!

May 1, 2009 at 4:56 PM  

i wud lyk 2 make an addition to d list..."a man who hates his wife and children wthout ne particular reason, sleeps around wth othr women,beats his wife wen she reacts,beats his children wen dey stand by their mothr..."

dis s tru...it has happend wth ppl "very" close 2 me...i prefer not 2 reveal who it is...

dat's life...n m ashamed 2 say dat...

May 1, 2009 at 4:57 PM  

Dear Heart n Soul,

you have rocked this post.. by the time I reached the end I have goosebumps really!

it is scary this world and I was living with eyes closed but your post literally shook me.. so hard that I feel what's wrong with these people.. what are they getting out of their dishonesty and the hurt they are causing..

i am leaving this page with a 100 questions!

May 1, 2009 at 8:32 PM  

Keepup good work as nobody is watching but remember someone is watching i.e., God.

May 1, 2009 at 10:59 PM  

So you're back and how !!

What a post !! Truly, when you see what people are doing to each other, i really wonder what is the world coming to . What ever happened to decency, honesty, commitment, loyalty, love, caring, gratitude etc... I wonder...

What saddened me though, was as I was reading your post I was Not at all surprised as I personally know a few people who're doers of the above ... What saddens me is the shock value of such incidences are really going down, as Everyone is out for Only ONE thing - Self Gratification !!

One can only hope that some day, at Least the victims of these occurrences stand up for themselves and call on the people purporting these acts, else can only leave it to Karma and the Big Guy in the sKy !!

It's just sooo, @#$@#$!$%! sad !!!

Here's a prayer for all those people who've lost their way, hoping the world is rid of such filth and soon !!!!


May 1, 2009 at 11:43 PM  

ps- I didn't say it, but loved your post :) Good that you're putting it out all there ....

May 1, 2009 at 11:43 PM  


Very introspective and very aware of your surroundings.
You know whenever I see these things around me, I tell myself, for every one of these weird stories, there are a 100 others which are touching. This is the exception and not the rule. The way you live your lifes is like your living in that world somewhere over the rainbow. Similar people will come & join you and you'll create your own little wonderland around you!

and someday when some else is writing about all the good things, you'll have your own little story to add :))



p.s- can u please remove the word verification

May 2, 2009 at 10:28 AM  

loved the piece babe!

May 2, 2009 at 10:38 AM  

Oh my God... it was horrible reading about those people and I held onto my breath for worse!

May 2, 2009 at 12:36 PM  


world is full of mask holders..!!
u never can realize what is what..


May 3, 2009 at 9:36 AM  

it is complicated... cos humans make it complicated...

but pls dont get lost in it... cos we can still have a simple life to ourselves if we strive for it :)

take care... cheers...

May 3, 2009 at 10:29 AM  

I will echo!

Vinz aka Vinu said...

world is full of mask holders..!!
u never can realize what is what..


May 3, 2009 at 2:45 PM  

Thanks guys
idea really want to make anyone sad... just that feels wierd to come across so many complicated ppl... and all at one go!!

May 4, 2009 at 11:42 AM  

I think it is very brave of your to post this. Each one of us knows the kind of people you have talked about but either we are unable to do much in the situation or the best we do is ignore them, forget about such incidents and not brood over it. Why? Because the more we think the more uncomfortable we feel about it. And don't want to have our little world punctured by such images.
However, even the contrary is true...though the world is full of the people you have described, there is always a higher ratio on the other side with people doing good things and being good human beings.
Thanks for posting such an uncomfortable post!

May 4, 2009 at 11:58 AM  

when you wrote about the greys, i wanted to tell you to just hand on.. let it all settle down, and then be hopeful that you'll see more of whites, than blacks.

but by the time i reached the end of it, im myself losing faith in this world,and its people. People will be just the way they want to be. Everyones got just one life, and they want to do all that they could manage to do during that, allthough it isnt in tune with what they should.

im just wondering whether being detached is the key to deal with things like this? probably it is not. but right now, im at a stage where im learning to be detached. may not be the right way, but thats the only way im seeing now.

May 4, 2009 at 4:32 PM  

Its really too complicated :(

May 4, 2009 at 6:43 PM  

Div, you've got an award waiting for you at my blog. Please do pick it up!! :)

May 6, 2009 at 12:43 PM  

let add sme more...
A guy who is madky in lov with a gal, bt never express, and when the girl expresse, he is too shoked to respond..

A girl who is confused between her orthodox family n relatived and her modern upbringing..

A girl getting married to a guy, without knwong the person coz thats the rule and tradition of the family.

A girl getting married to a guy of her parents choice, coz she is not allowed to make her on decision though she loves someone else n dont wanna get married.....
it will go..... the list is too long..

I should say that i was noding my head most of the time agreeing wt u said, it sooooo true...

May 8, 2009 at 3:17 PM  

Where is living? well apparently something is wrong here...maybe a huge rock from space needs to visit us...

May 8, 2009 at 6:00 PM  

LOvely post :) made me think...

May 11, 2009 at 4:35 PM  

I wish no-one met such fate; But knowing many around me do... I wont say much but hope & pray ...


PS: I read these stories today before reading this post & everything seems a continuation ...


May 13, 2009 at 10:55 AM  

i am here..with or without the sx4..

May 14, 2009 at 11:13 PM  

ouch.. thats over exposure to life i say!...

well look at it this way.. most of above is sheer stupidity. anyone in their rt senses, wanting to live a happy life, would not indulge in such acts.. and if u surround urself with enuf non-stupid ppl, u reduce the risk of runnin into these scary elements... :)

also... i do believe that such acts are exceptions rather than the norm... most ppl, most of the time are good ppl...

so dont lose this faith!!


May 17, 2009 at 10:09 PM  

Very Well Said !! Amazing ...I Think Eveyone Should Think On The Mentioned Points.....I Mean This Is Something Which Really Hurts !! Great Blog !!

May 21, 2009 at 1:35 AM  

ohh.. that was some honest post... you know we dont really notice when goes around us.. and once we stop and observe we get scared because we see things that you mentioned... i guess the value of humans' feelings and emotions is too low nowadays

The Colors Magazine

May 26, 2009 at 11:41 PM  

beeen here after a really long time! really loved the post, and i have to admit i never looked at people that way. all i can say is, jesus christ! god save the world.

June 4, 2009 at 12:55 AM  

hey loved ur post..............u have a nice blog n cool space!!!

June 19, 2009 at 11:41 AM  

Oh my GOD..!

Ab mei kya bolun..!

ok..ek kaam karney kaa..

aalti paalti maarney kaa..Ankhey band karney ka..and chant aummmmmm...:)

Mann ko shanti milegi :)

And these things have always been around, may be you opened your eyes wide enough to notice them just now. Infidelity, brutality, violence, adultery..sick indeed but they are all part of human nature and human nature my friend... can not be explained.. :)

July 2, 2009 at 2:21 AM  

And why is everyone on a hiatus..?

July 2, 2009 at 2:21 AM  

Wow.... Its true.. most of wat u said relate to ppl I know too... Loved ur style n ur blog, of course... U ll be seeing me around :)

July 18, 2009 at 11:35 PM  

FUCK IT MAN!! What about those women who ignored their guys for other men? Whose guys kept calling and all they'd feel is a gleeful sense of ego boost while they spent nights with other guys? WTF. Fucking hypocrite

July 24, 2009 at 1:44 AM  

@Kurt - looks like u din read the whole thing cuz I have mentioned even about girls... this is really not a gender biased column...tho u look badly gender biased!

October 3, 2009 at 7:29 AM  

whoa!!! wat a post! nd i dnt noe wat's mre tragic..d fact dat all of dis is believable..or dat i cn actually relate to sme of these cases...

December 8, 2010 at 10:41 PM  

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