Heart'n'Soul

Miss You

2011-09-15T16:25:00.003+05:30

As the life goes by - it doesn't matter who you are and who you become; it doesn't matter where you were, where you are and where you are going to be; it doesn't matter what happened and why or what is going to happen and why - some moments and some people are always close to your heart and will remain so forever. We may forget the details, the words and the exact sequence of events as we grow old and our memory fails us, but we never forget how it felt because our heart preserves the essence of those times and never fails to stir our emotions with it.

Not even a day goes by when I don't think of you. And today being one of those many days when I am missing you miserably, just felt like putting up this song here - just so that I never forget it even if I lose my memory someday. Every word in this song has a special meaning and only you know why.

Desperate for changing

Starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking

Completely incomplete

I'll take your invitation

You take all of me now

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose

There's nothing else to find

There's nothing in the world

That can change my mind

There is nothing else

I'm desperate for changing

I'm starving for truth

I'm closer to where I started

I'm chasing after you

I'm falling even more in love with you

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until you make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with you

I'm living for the only thing I know

I'm running and not quite sure where to go

And I don't know what I'm diving into

Just hanging by a moment here with you

Just hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment

Hanging by a moment here with you

_______________________________________

With you or without you - you will always mean a lot and you will always be special!

Terrorism - Outside or Inside!

2011-09-08T02:02:00.003+05:30

Once again the sitting duck of our government and their vote bank politics in India ends up compromising India's stand and fight against terrorism. Their policy of appeasement and ambiguous take on diplomatic relations with our neighbors ends up hurting and literally killing the people within the country. What an Irony it is that the terrorists who attacked us have taken responsibility of the attacks while the authorities responsible for protecting us are not even ready to consider it as a mistake and a shortfall. They still have the audacity to defend themselves even though the last six big blasts in the country (not to mention low intensity blasts happening often) still remain unresolved.

And under such circumstances when the political will and the intent of the government is questioned, they say don’t question our will cuz we lost one of our leaders to terrorism and that it’s a ridiculous question to even ask. The fact that their own prime minister died of terrorist attack and they have still been unable to fight it clearly shows their intent and will to fight it, or shall I say – not to fight it. They say that it’s foolish to think that they want to save the govt. and not the people and that’s their really intent - well then why don’t we see it then - why is just lip service - why is the govt. not stopping what they seem to be always condemning - why is India becoming the shelter to the terrorists caught. Where is the capital punishment for them? Why is there the lack of coordination between the police that works on govt's directives and Mr. Chidambaram’s department who said that he had already passed on the information to police today??? WHAT THE HELL!!! Where is the action on the promise by the govt. after 26/11 Mumbai blasts that we will have stricter measures to protect and punish... WHERE??? WHEN???

They have apprehensions to pass a janlokpal bill that they made a 75+ years old man go on a hunger strike for over 11 days while banning a strong anti-terror law like POTA did not take much! Where were the human rights groups when Anna was fasting - yeah the same ones that cry foul when a terrorist is being killed or suspected leads are questioned. What’s a little bit of discomfort to a handful of innocent people who are questioned as compared to large numbers of innocent people being killed?

How much more time does the govt. need to build the security measures. On national TV, a spokesperson defends the govt. saying the security was everywhere except the gate where this happened and that terrorist attacks cannot be stopped by a CCTV camera since the terrorists are ready to even die. What kind of a statement is that? Is this kind of behavior even expected and acceptable on national TV by one of the so called parliamentary representatives of the ordinary people? Doesn’t it simply show that to the govt., the ordinary people just don’t matter, because the govt. is clearly busy protecting their own interests and we can go to hell for all they care.

Why are our security forces still dependent, incompetent and serving the political master. Why are we still unable to have made any progress in so many blasts in recent past like German bakery case, batla house case, Banglore blasts, other Mumbai and Delhi blasts.

A 21 year lawyer-to-be who went to collect his pass for beginning his practice, who dreamt of a colorful future, died before he could even begin painting it. An 80 year old man who was fighting his grandsons case for past so many years, who did not give up visiting the court time and again even at 80, died in vain. More nameless faces suffer every single day, the relatives of the ones who died, the ones who have lost their limbs in numerous blasts like the one that happened in Delhi today, will suffer for the rest of their lives. And what’s their fault? Their fault is being an ordinary Indian who is ruled by an extraordinary bunch of educated idiots, supported by a bigger bunch of uneducated losers.

And you wish it would end here! But no it does not, because even in the hospitals, the relatives of the dead and injured are being pushed out of the compounds and emergency wards, while the big shot politicians are gladly allowed to visit them. Will they ever learn to step aside? When will they learn that not every thing is about power! Where's that tiny bit of compassion that they could have shown today by not visiting the hospitals today? When we need to be protected they leave us alone and when we want to be left alone, they will flock to us like bees do to honey!!! What will it take to drill some sense in them??? WHAT!!!

With what has happened and what is happening w.r.t terrorism, I wonder if the terrorist are really the ones outside and attacking us or the ones inside and subjecting us to these attacks by being irresponsible, insensitive, careless and casual about this over and over and over again.

Pain, agony, anger, tears, hurt, helplessness, and loss are probably just few words that we can use to define and label today's tragedy. But it’s unfortunate to know that there seems to be no end to it. My sincere condolences to the families of the ones that died and the ones who have been injured. May god give you strength to carry on and may the souls of the deceased rest in peace.

Sink

2011-05-19T11:41:00.003+05:30

Upon receipt of news which ruffles more than a feather or two, one feels the blood rush to the cheek and eyes. No you do not know how to handle it. You don't want to know either. You want to slip away quietly. Get out, hide your feelings and unleash the plethora of emotions on someone who will not judge. So you slip away. You do not want to be seen by anyone. No one must know what your mind is going through and the mind is not helping at all in making a secret out of it. Flushed, drained, shaky - you seek solitude. Avoiding darting glances, you stealthily find someplace you can lock yourself up in. You feel the emotions flow down. You want to talk. You want to just talk to someone who will not just get it, who will tell you that it will be okay and means it too. There's noone though. So you sink. To the floor. Telling yourself that it is okay and that it will be better. You wipe your tears. Dilute the emotions with a fake smile. You check in the mirror. Once. Twice. Wishing away the redness. Must wait somemore. The muscles they contort again, as the eyes stare deep into the reflection of the eyes. Not wishing for anything. Just wishing for nothing. Give nothing at all. No grief. No happiness. You pick it up, the sinking smile, the sinking heart, the pang of loneliness. Gulping down a glass of water, you shroud everything you feel inside, brace yourself to face the others, only to find a lonely spot soon, feel the muscles breaking away from the smile - sinking. With noone to witness it.

You survive. Not happily and satisfactorily. But you do

(Thanks Shaifali - for your contibution not just in form of words but also in form my best friend, You always know exactly how it feels)

Some Men Uff! - I

2011-04-18T14:24:00.008+05:30

Till date I haven’t been able to fathom why a single woman who is not dependent on anyone and can take care of herself and is ok with it and has a mind and thought of her own... is open minded and has the cant care less attitude... What is so wrong with her??? Why is it that men think that she is so called "AVAILABLE" for everything but not "Marriage Material" - whatever that term means!!! And if that term really does exist, most men would by default be exactly "THAT" Just to spell it out LOUD for the ignorant breed of men... here are some misconceptions guys should NOT have.

Because a girl smiled at you does not mean that she's drooling at you or wants you etc... Only if you could rise above the man ego and use some of your grey cells which you tend to be so uselessly proud of, you may realize that she is actually laughing at the irony of what you are and what you think you are!

A girl without a boyfriend is not always looking for one. She is not trying to get off for god's sake. Some girls really are happily single and loving it!

Just cuz a girl enjoys a drink or a smoke - she is not a lose character. Please get it engraved in your head that a drink or a smoke is not the same as sex. She may enjoy a drink with you cuz she loves her drink. But doesn’t mean she would enjoy "YOU" too. Oh wait! - Maybe if she is drunk enough or passed out - then maybe she wont notice that you actually suck at "IT"!!!

When she says she enjoys her life or likes having fun it does not equate to meaningless sex. FUN is not the same as sex for girls. Ever seen or taken a girl SHOPPING???? Do that to know what fun means for her... might just enlighten your pea size brain.... MIGHT JUST!

Just cuz a girl can crack a joke and enjoy one too, doesn't mean you can make one out of her. And especially cuz she can laugh at a naughty joke doesn’t mean you can get fresh with her... unless of course you think of yourself as a joke, which you anyways probably are.

A friendly coffee doesn’t mean she is "LEADING YOU" ... even if it was her idea. It’s just coffee... she might just be someone who loves conversations and coffee so much that she doesn’t even care about whom is the company! Consider this - that you aren't even important enough...it’s just the coffee.

It doesn’t matter what time of the night it is... if she wants to talk to you, then you are probably nothing more than just a friend... she wants to TALK and TALK does not mean SEX in any dictionary! Oops I forgot - in your dictionary almost everything is synonymous with that! "Ignorance is bliss" was probably coined for your benefit.

She is not "AVAILABLE" cuz she is showing her cleavage or wearing a short skirt. If that logic of clothing applied to men, then each one of you would be so available... Oh but I forgot... YOU ARE!

And last but not the least and certainly the most important - just because she may like you or is probably even in love with you or cares for you... does not mean she is your opportunity at free, no-strings attached sex.

Looks like she cares for you and will take your shit eh?... don’t think so... it’s just in-built in most women to be caring and nice to people they know. But you mess with it and you will get some good shit load of it back. Unless of course you are sissy enough to run away anyways!

GROW UP GUYS... GROW UP... not all women are available.

Infact - unlike your breed, most of us are not, even if we are single!!! Learn to respect women or leave them alone... and if you cant, I must ask your mother "WHAT" she gave birth to!!!

Exceptions are not examples - so the men who are exceptions and do not agree, this ones not for you so no offence to the small community of the nicer ones. And for the ones who are great examples.... well LOSERS is an understatement for you!

And if you reading this you are probably wondering why this sudden rage. Cuz I have been there and seen my real good friends also being treated the same ways by this breed of losers. And there have been times where I felt like cutting off his penis, fry it up in order to serve it to crocodiles awaiting a nice meal.

So all you real woman who love having some fun, when you run in a situation like this and it gets really bad - try the idea above. And if you really want the loser dude to suffer - cut his balls off too while also fantasizing about throwing them in the ocean so sharks can eat them. Just remember in your fantasy to not feed them to a vegan shark! Although I fear the shark also might refuse to eat the garbage!

A Walk to Remember

2011-03-17T18:32:00.004+05:30

Jack and Sarah lay in their loungers staring at the sky as the sun started to set leisurely, flooding the warm peach glow of the sky with crimson pink.

The sea gradually began to blanket the beach bit by bit as the sand seemed to vanish beneath the veil of the sparkling aqua waves.

'Aooww!' Sarah let out a delighted shriek

'What?' Jack sat up, anxious and concerned.

'The waves Jack, they are coming up till here!' she smiled with excitement

Jack shifted to Sarah’s lounger as she settled comfortably in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his chest. He held her close to his heart as their feet dangled in the water.

'So what do you want to do for dinner tonight?' he asked

'Chinese' she said

'Again!!!' Jack sighed

'Well....' Sarah looked up at him

'Ok Ok. Whatever you say my princess...' Jack smiled

'You are the best...' she said as she placed her head back on his shoulder

The sat their in silence looking at the horizon as the sun rushed out of the vision and vanished into the gigantic stretch of glittering water

'Sarah...'

'Hmmmm....'

'You don realize do you?'

'Realize what?' and she looked up at Jack, smiling at her with a glint of mischief in his eyes. She wondered what he was up to

'You are wearing white today....'

'So?' perplexed, she asked.

'So let’s soak you...' Jack got up swiftly

'No Jack.... Please No…' she shouted as she ran away towards the beach

Jack ran after her

She ran as hard as she could, Jack chasing after her. And before she could even cross over the 100 meter mark, he caught up with her. He held her by her waist and swirled her around before they fell in the sand.

Out of breath and gasping for air, they both lay in the sand laughing, staring at each other’s face.

Jack looked at her and said teasingly 'Honey... we are not done yet'

Jack picked her up in his arms and started walking towards the sea.

'Jack!!!! Nooooooo....... no no no no' Sarah said protesting, yet laughing

Sarah closed her eyes tightly and held on to him as they came closer to the waves. Jack was just about to throw her in the water when he bent forward and planted a kiss on her cheek.

She opened her eyes, beamed at him and said "Oh My God! You missed!”

A wide grin lit up his face. "You little tease!" Jack said as he handed her over to the vivacious waves rushing towards the shore

'Aaoooooo! Gawd I hate you!!!" She exclaimed as she stood up to walk back to the beach

'Really? Ah thank god! Now I have no reason to feel guilty about soaking you. Once more sweetheart?" they both burst out laughing he followed her trail towards the beach.

After walking for a few minutes Jack stopped and called at her back "Sarah..."

She turned around "Yes..."

Jack moved slowly towards her and asked "Have you seen Romeo and Juliet?'

"What? I think so. Why?'

As he moved closer to her, he gently touched both her palms with his own "Let lips do, what hands do, they come together to pray"

She raised her eyebrows and looked at him puzzled

He leaned in as he held her chin, tenderly lifting her face towards his and placed a warm, soft kiss on her delicate cherry glossed lips.

She closed her eyes as her senses exploded in a mesmerizing hurricane of emotions

Jack smiled at her as their lips parted.

He held her hand and silently led her back to their loungers.

"Do you realize?" Jack said as he sat down on his lounger and Sarah settled down next to him.

"Uh oh! Now what?" Sarah stopped and looked at Jack

Jack turned to look at her and said "You are so beautiful... and something else completely. You realize that? “

She looked at him, too stunned to say anything. She smiled and said nothing, burying her head in his shoulder. With teary eyes, Sarah lay their quietly watching the sky, protectively engulfed in the warmth of his arms.

As the moon took over the reign of darkness, her heart was being conquered by peace, making her feel alive, safe… and loved

You, Me and Mumbai!

2011-02-24T11:30:00.001+05:30

A truly long day, crammed with the pessimism born out of the games people play, had perched itself contentedly on my mind and there was suddenly nothing I looked forward to in tomorrow. It was a blank canvas - the one in front of me – and the one in my mind and my heart.

I was on my way back, and I saw you once again - just like I did everyday, in all your diverse avatars- incredibly stunning but never enticing enough to hold me and my thoughts. You stared back with the same alluring anticipation. But today there was something more to you. Something different, something just so... just something... and I decided to give you a chance.

I asked the cab driver to stop and got down. You watched me with your mystery laden face as I smiled and walked slowly towards you. I settled my bag on the bench, removed my shoes and climbed on the platform next to you. As I stood up and took a closer look at you, I realized what I had been missing, feeling glad to have let go of the inhibitions of being with you all alone.

You stirred a little as I gazed at you intently. With uncountable secrets hidden within, you finally seemed to smile at me. The life in that smile made me aware of the surreal backdrop of where I stood - the windswept hours of darkness, the glorious sky dazzling with the milky white grandeur of the moon and the stars swathed in the misty veil of its radiance.

Mesmerized, I stood still, admiring you - unable to take my eyes off the shimmering infinity of the silver expanse on your surface. A smile spread on my face as the wind played with my hair, kissing me tenderly and whispering in my ears the sweet salty nothings that you sent my way. You stirred a little more, engendering the half-hushed waves, of motion splashed with trembling crumbs of froth. Blended with the tranquility that knew no bounds, seeping softly in every single inch of my soul, you drenched me with your serenity and overwhelmed all my senses with your fragrance.

Thanks... Thanks a lot oh dear sea - thanks for this - for bringing peace to me where there is none and for being with me when there is no one.

Love Is What Love Is!

2011-01-19T17:33:00.001+05:30

A few days back I was having a conversation with one of my teenaged friend from the so called "AAJ KE BACCHE" brigade and got some really funny insights on what love and relationship is to the new yuppie gang. It was majorly amusing because it was almost exactly opposite to what my views on this topic are. It was more about being selfish than being selfless. And for some wiered reason, some bits of it did make sense too. Now that’s for sure a surprise for me too :)

Not that I am less of a mush pot already, but his insights made me sound like a totally filmy, old bollywood-ish, romantic nut case!!! He even pointed out some new bollywood flicks that kind of depict the new-age romance. But guess what, I still happened to nail him on this one. Because no matter what and no matter how (in reference to the movies he mentioned) - at the end of it - ALL IZZZZ WELL... it’s always a happy ending, as absurd and illogical as they maybe, they are still happy endings, there is still romance and there is till the feel good factor.

So well, then since I almost won the argument, my friend suddenly popped the question of what Love and relationships mean to me? How I would like it to be? And all these questions were accompanied by a very sarcastic "Let's see the dream world you live in". I laughed it off but thought about it at the back of my head and wondered if it’s really that blown up in my head.

I had a discussion, argument and disagreement for each point with me and with him and here is how it went:

I said: Love's like this balm, the one that erases all the heart aches you have had. Like the pain you feel right now will be erased from your heart when you find someone who really loves you. It’s when they want to give you the world and that’s exactly what they are themselves for you

He argued: oh what crap! Comes with a lot of complication. you love, he doesn’t love or he loves and u don’t love back.... and what if it anyways doesn’t work out, u both end up hurting. No correlation. Plus sometimes these very people will end up hurting you knowingly and unknowingly. And please stop being filmy - I can get you the moon and the world and all that. I don’t buy it... NEXT PLEASE

I said: when you can totally respect them, admire them for who they are and exactly like they are... even after a disagreement or an argument... and probably even in the middle of it.

He argued: Uh well, you only keep saying that people change. So what if he/she changes? Or is probably not what he/she seemed to be? Then this concept goes for a toss too. You would end up being bitter about getting what you din not sign up for. Nah, don buy it either... Next

I said: it has to be someone one can let go of their dreams for... not as a sacrifice but cuz the bigger and more important dream in ones life is to be with that person and collective happiness of both the partners. Of course it goes without saying that both people must feel the same and hence take a collective decision on what suits them best.

He argued: ummmm... this still sounds better with the ifs and buts, which makes it relative isn’t it? So then it’s not selfless so as to say! And what if only one person is constantly giving up most of the times, the bitterness of COMPROMISE will crop in sooner or later - either subtly or prominently. Ah blah!

I said: its trust - in yourself that no thing and no person can tempt you enough to give up on him. Its trust - actually blind trust - one that can make you face your worst fears cuz you know he's holding you...

He argued: Oh my queen of trust failures, did u read your own blog post, the latest one??? Or are you just duh enough to have forgotten everything??? Need I say more?

I argued: yeah well trusting wont come easy, all I mean to say is that despite all odds, love makes you trust that person like that. Else it’s just a compromise...Or at least that’s what I feel!

He said: yeah I got my answer - u r that Duh! Best of luck :p ... and continue

We ended up laughing and continued our discussion

I said: Now this is going to sound clichéd but its being there for someone, through thick and thin... always an ear to lend and a shoulder to cry on - like best friends for life

He agreed (for a change): now that’s true. But isn’t it a part of all bonds that we form - family and friends

I smiled: Yes, that’s why as corny as it sounded in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai - I for a change agree with Sharukh that "Love is friendship"... infact I think friendship as a bond is probably a lot above that.

He agreed again - and this time I pointed out triumphantly that he agreed with mushy movies of my time...LOL... though this being a Sharukh movie pissed him beyond explanation

I said: It’s true; love is friendship, the one that makes you feel so secure with the other person that you know that with all the ups and downs of life, he will get you through just by being there.

He sat in silence, listening intently....

Its companionship, the feeling that you would never run out of conversations, that you will never fall short of words and even when there is silence it will be comfortable

Its that level of comfort where there is uninhibited laughter... at even the silliest things... cuz it binds you together... when you can smile together at life cuz there is someone to witness every tear and wipe it away too

It’s when you say and do things for someone, for no reason at all. When you love their imperfections too, and know that each and every quirk adds to who they are and without those little things, it will be someone else

Its when every little thing matters - the way they crinkle their nose, the way they call your name, the wiered nick names, the way they look at you, the warmth you feel when they smile at you, the way they laugh, the way they make their hair...

He laughed: WHAT?

I continued: yes, even that. The way they tease you over nothing, the small things they do to irritate you, the sweet nothings and the not so sweet arguments over nothing. It’s when you know that despite all odds, you want to keep that person for life...

You know, it’s like that dialogue from "Shall we Dance"... one where they talk about a witness to your life. It’s like having a witness to every little thing you do, someone who makes sure that your life will not go unnoticed. That you and everything you do - good, bad, ugly - is special to someone and you are someone special for them. That someone is looking out for you and you are looking out for them through every step you take in life.

Its just that feeling, that comfort that person gives you about being yourself, that makes you love yourself for who you are and as you are... the same way you love them for who they are and as they are.

After a long silence, he asked: Have you ever been in love? I mean does it really feel that ways?

I smiled

He said: ok now that was a duh question wasn’t it? I think you are just making it sound that good. Pure Bullshit.... u r getting in to my brains now, stop polluting my thots woman... M outta here.

I said: You can pick what you want to do with it but Love is what Love is!

He said: Uh watever - Cya later, alligator (winking)... And you, well best of luck... M not as old as u r, but I don think that thing exists... or does it? Ok never mind - I gotta go do some physics homework and this surely doesn’t help... and we are never talking about it again. GET IT?

I laughed: Ok, Get it! Now leave

Stranger in the making - III

2011-01-10T16:07:00.006+05:30

Innocence and trust have no value these days - do they?
I am questioning myself and answering at the same time
No - it surely does not!!!

But it is a little extreme when people will do things going all out of their way to make you trust them only with a plan to break it. OUCH! It hurts a lot. Especially when you have to literally pay a bomb for it, like an atom bomb worth of real money. Till today it had never been a concern for me. I have never valued money over people or over general state of being sane. I would rather spend money and not bother about it then being in a mentally disturbed or depressed state - be it myself or someone I know - money was never above people. And hold on - I am not talking about the usual shopping and chocolate indulgence women use for mood lift! I am talking about travelling with friends, catching up with an old friend even if thy are in a different city, Making loooooong calls, joining a class, going for a drive - cuz they need it or cuz i need it- things which are decently expensive to not so expensive but keep my or my friend's general happiness in day to day life intact and hence help us being sane.

This time around though, even that hasn’t help, even though I am totally bankrupt now.... I don’t know what to believe - that money is important, cuz I suddenly have none or that mental sanity is still more important, which doesn’t prevail right now since I don’t seem to comprehend till date what happened and why and of course how even with all my money gone, I am actually more distressed! Yeah I am worried about my bank balance for a change!!!!

And it’s not just that – it’s also about people. What do I do? Do I stop believing and trusting in people? To not believe anyone who I meet and question even people who I think as good friends? Cuz people who did what they did were also supposedly good friends!!! SO if I am duh and naive enough to not being able to judge people well, then how do I know that the people I trust are actually trustworthy? So do I just suddenly start disbelieving and doubting everyone, cuz people change and will obviously never tell you what they really have in mind!!!

At the same time there are people who have been there for me pretty much... Abhi, Sud, Nicks, Mads, Surs, Fali, Arjun.... and they are not acquaintances; they are not someone I happened to know... they are people I can rely on... But weren’t they also acquaintances once... its because I thot of them as potential good friends that I talked to them and then as great people that is why they became close friends. So if I stop believing, I won’t meet more people like these and will completely cut myself from any potential goodness left in the world!

I don’t know, this is all so confusing. I don’t have it in myself to look forward to meeting new people anymore. I am done with that nonsense. I think I am too old to meet new people and get stuck in some more bullshit just cuz even at this age I tend to trust people. I should not. I WILL NOT I RESOLVE!

SO yeah trust is overrated and I seemed to have discoverd it the hard way. There is no value to it. We can trust someone as much as we want and they will still screw it from all sides possible. Sometimes even if they have proven other wise... So just like each day is new, the equation that we have with other people is also renewed. Today they maybe extremely trustworthy and tomorrow the bang opposite. We will never see the other side of a person, the ugly one more often than not, till they chose us the lucky winner. And in my case I seem to be winning that a lot these days.

What to do such is the breed called Homo sapiens! And I am too black and white to deal with it, so as usual I shall deem it all black and I am outta it...

And for that thing called trust, here are my last words to you:-

Dear Trust

Well I shall hope to see you sometime, it was good to know you but extinction is quite a hazard. I know I have used you too much and have completely spent you on silliest of people and I know I run the risk of not trusting someone worthy anymore, but oh what the hell!!! Being proven wrong this time around would actually be a super delight as compared to the other way round as a practice and being let down by everyone. Goodbye trust.

Will try dealing with your half sister called expectations the same way and hopefully say the same to her soon

Till then.. Whatever!
Div

Stranger in the making - II

2010-10-14T13:10:00.004+05:30

When we were all babies, our parents would tell us all the time to not touch the hot bottle, or electric plugs, or not to eat and chew on our toys as it’s harmful. And yet, the first thing we did when they were not looking is do exactly what they asked us not to do. We burnt our hand and cried. We got an electric shock and cried. We swallowed funny things and cried bloody murder.

And still, when some thing new came along, we were more than eager to explore it and try, even though our parents insisted AGAIN that it can be harmful. Ignorance being our excuse, we would still go ahead with it.

But I believe there was a bigger factor there. This was our unadulterated trust in the hands that cradled us to sleep and wrapped them around us every time something went wrong. We knew no matter what happens, they will be there to hold us and make things fine. Fear was not a consideration.

I was born in December and apparently it was a good cold year. Luxury was not a consideration in my house then. One room is all we had and that was certainly more than enough for all three of us. And later on when my sis was born, even for all four of us. But despite that, I had the finest and the most luxurious sleep all the time. My dad would put me on his arm and then wrap his arm on his chest. I would sleep just fine, actually perfect, all night long... while my dad probably was uncomfortable being in that position. And the next day he would do the same again.

I was obviously never bothered about cold and how I would sleep. I was so loved that I wasn’t even allowed to feel the cold. And that's why I trusted completely.

BUT THEN I GREW UP

My world now comprises of not just my mom and dad but many more.

Not so long back, or at least that’s how it seems. I used to be this open, friendly, trusting person who would let in people in her life easily. Make friends and let them be. I am still friendly, open and trusting. But the fact that there is even that little space to fit in the doubt, the fear - takes away from the joy and happiness that life and people can give us. Because my ability to trust people completely, with anything and everything, has gone to hibernation... maybe I have even lost it.

Unlike the childhood, the fear has set in because my world has grown from just the two beautiful people and their loving hearts to a huge word of randomness filled with too much of deceit, lies and hatred. I am not unaffected either. I have learnt to lie, to fear, to lock people out and to dislike and even hate them.

And so, now when I have an opportunity to meet someone new or do something new. More often than not - I won’t. I am too scared of the unknown. In any case; life is unpredictable and no one knows the answer to what next so why add another dimension of "NOT KNOWING" to it. It’s just that place I fear. "New" scares me because it doesn’t come with an assurance of being good.

The winter is setting in again. This time on who I am. The cozy feeling which I get from the love and care of family and friends around is just enough to keep me going and yet not enough to keep me comfortably warm. I wonder sometimes if it ever will be.

The stranger doesn’t say anything, just quietly stays next to me. Like a shadow that never leaves me and yet is the most discomforting factor of life right now.

Stranger in the making - I

2010-10-07T16:04:00.004+05:30

When I was young, I was always known to be the child who spreads smiles and joy around. I would easily befriend new people. I would stand in my balcony and wave & smile at strangers passing by, when I wasn't even as tall as the railing on the edge. Mom says I wouldn't be shy in playing with someone new who visited our house and would settle in their lap without a fuss. In fact I would sometimes shower impromptu kisses and hugs while I welcomed people home in my baby talk.

Like all parents, I was advised to steer clear of strangers, especially in my parent's absence. But they were worried that some day some stranger might fool me and kidnap me - not on context of buying me a chocolate - but simply by just being nice to me, since I was always a friendly child - trusting with my heart and not the head.

The head never really got a chance. The heart always ruled. Love always flowed. Everyone cared, everyone was loving, everyone was nice. Mom and dad scolded me at times, I threw tantrums too. But life was still beautiful - everything and everyone I needed was just across the corner.

BUT THEN I GREW UP...

I have the best people in my life still - my family and friends. I probably even have more in life than I did when I was a child. And yet everything feels incomplete.

There is still the same love, care, concern I get from these people and yet its not enough. I am still friendly, open and honest but its not the same.

The head has started to show prominence. And for some reason it never seems to agree with the heart. And it is not a comfortable change, because its not who I am. I feel suffocated by this wall this head is slowly building around me. I do not see any windows, nor do I see any doors.

Just enough space for my head to breathe and just a tad bit less than what my heart needs to survive.

That is certainly not what I was born as and designed to be. There is a Stranger in the making. And with who I have become, a stranger hanging around me all the time is surely not a comforting thought.
__________________________________________________
PS: This is my attempt at starting a new series on how and what life changes as we grow up, trying to recollect and put in words some beautiful childhood memories and some life changing experiences. Hoping that soon the stranger would become a friend too!

For Now and Forever - VIII

2010-10-01T12:42:00.007+05:30

MESSAGE IN A BOTTLE

Josh lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. The ruins of his world that had crashed long ago had now been reduced to dust.

He opened the drawer of his bed side table and took out a letter -old, opened and folded a multiple times but yet not torn.

He unfolded it once again and began reading…

Dear Grace

You are just another name and just another person for some… but for me – the best and the worst part of my life.

You gave me the four most beautiful years of my life filled with joy of our love, and happiness that knew no bounds. And now the most traumatic time of my life… parting with you and it just doesn’t seem to end…

I don know where we lost it or was it just me? Suddenly everything looks like a farce… everything, everyone, every moment. Did you never understand me, did you never trust me or did you simply never love me?

But then what about all those special moments we spent together… our first kiss, our first dance, our first valentine day, our short trips, those long drives, the way you held my hand, the way you would cry every time I left, our silly fights, how you were always there when I got my honors, how your eyes sparkled when it rained… I remember everything as clearly as if it was just yesterday… every single thing. How you would always wear a T Shirt inside your shirt cuz u thought u were too thin, Your silly dance on the new joinee party, your ankle sprain during your only basket basketball match, your stories bout your nephew, how you ran away from the hospital when your sister was in labor, how your denims looked like they were about to fall, how your spectacles were never straight… the way you would look at me every time I was sad, how you would never drive above 50 miles/hr...And so much more...

And after all this… while I was still regretting having fought with you and wondering how to make things work and make them better... you told ME that you wish you were never with me and that you wish you were always with him. Did I never mean anything to you?

As much as I want to, I can’t even cry. The imprints of your face have been carved in my eyes forever. I fear it will wash away if I cry. But it’s only so hard not to cry, cuz it’s you I am talking about. Cuz it’s you I miss. It’s you that I have lost... irreplaceable forever. Cuz when you walked out on me, you didn’t just take a part of my life and a part of my heart with you but you also took a part of me with you.

And since that day, that place is just empty. Not even a single day has gone by when I do not wish to be with you. I still remember the day you left and every time I think about it, I wish I could ask for just a few more moments, few more days, few more years... a lifetime.

Only if I could have my way, just once. Or maybe it’s just too much to ask for.

Still loving you forever
Josh

He folded the letter neatly and held it in his hands while a lone tear trickled down from the corner of his eye, sinking to the floor silently. Josh stared at the tear drop resting on the floor unperturbed, yet futile and ineffective. He got up and walked to the fire place and placed the letter in the middle of the flames.

He stood there watching the letter burn, just like his dreams, his wishes – some went up in the flames, some reduced to ashes.

The life had come full circle, just like their song... the Josh and Grace Song.

Desperate for changing...
Starving for truth ...
I'm closer to where I started...
Chasing after you...

___________________________________________________________

More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle

For Now and Forever - VII

2010-09-13T10:09:00.007+05:30

GONE WITH THE WIND

He sat on his bed, staring at the dense clouds flowing across his window like a huge mass of white cotton. He thought to himself, only if life was this black and white. The black of the sky and the white of the clouds. - no grays - just Black or White.

He sat their thinking about Grace - all the memories he had of her, the extraordinary moments, the special things she did, every little nuance of who she was, her smile that spread to her eyes, her fragrance, her voice, her touch, the way she loved him, the way she looked at him, the way she smiled when he admired her, the way it felt to watch her cook and fuss at him, the blush on her cheeks every time he said he loved her, the affection in her eyes every time she said she loved him, the way it felt to be loved and be loved by her, the way it felt to love her, to hold her in his arms and to kiss her.

It still felt like it was just yesterday. But with every passing day, he dreaded forgetting how it felt t be loved… how it felt to be loved by her.

He dreaded forgetting her.

He picked up the phone and dialed the number.

It rang. His heart skipped a beat and he disconnected the phone.

This was what he wanted but not what he expected. For more than four years now, every once in a while he dialed her number - the one that was out of reach, or switched off or just busy. The one that hardly ever rang.

He called again.

"Hello"

"Hello"

"Who's there? Heloooooo!"

The unfamiliar voice echoed in his ears.

"Aaaaa... ummmm .... Hi! Can I talk to Grace please?

"Grace? There's no Grace here" said the angry voice

Perplexed and confused, Josh blurted "But it’s HER number!"

"No its not! Who arr..."

He disconnected.

The last thread of everything they had was lost. The number that had belonged to Grace for over ten years, the number that had become a part of her identity, the number she wouldn’t give up even when she changed her city - no more belonged to her.

Last four years, that was all that made him feel connected to her. Everything had changed but the number. She did not always use it, but it was her.

And now…... it was gone too.

Josh got up and drew the curtains, closing his window to the world to which Grace belonged.

She was gone forever; her love was gone forever.

“I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standing on the edge of something much too deep,
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard”

As the radio blared in the distance, tears filled his eyes while nothingness filled his thoughts and his life.

“But I will remember you… Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by… Weep not for the memories”

___________________________________________________________

More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle

Thunder from down under - III

2010-08-16T16:52:00.003+05:30

Most narrations of a real life account for a journey or an event tend to start with the words "one fine day". But I would like to begin this one with the words "one fine night"

So one fine night, under the blanket of overwhelming Srilankan stars - me, Kani and Jane hit the road and headed towards the Yala National Park - famous for its wildlife. While we were driving down, I was expecting it to be just another fun filled weekend with some dose of adventure. But boy oh boy!!!... I couldn't be more wrong. Organized superbly by Kani, it turned out to be one of the most adventurous and enthralling experiences of my life. It was my first chance to see the world the way it is meant to be - UNTAMPRED.

As soon as we hit the park, the stage and sounds changed and a whole new world awakened for us to explore.

Yala is one of the most famous and most visited wildlife parks in SriLanka. It’s the country’s second largest wildlife reserve located about 300 km from Colombo. The low-density flora provides ideal conditions for safari as it allows a clear and unobstructed view of the wildlife. But it also does make sure that you are covered in dust by the time you are done with your trip. So if you are planning to make a trip to Yala, don’t forget to get a good headgear, big shades and an even better sunscreen. And even if you don' t, trust me - the thrilling experience is worth all that and probably even a little more dust :)

Yala is supposed to be one of the best places in the world to locate leopards. But the leopard was definitely a bit elusive and it’s said that one needs to be fairly lucky to spot a leopard. If this is true, then I believe that we were more than lucky since we spotted two - a fully grown leopard and a leopard cub.
The adult leopard settled on top of a huge rock, like a king sitting on his throne - while the awestruck visitors resembled the common people in his royal court, paying their greetings to the king of Yala. Immediately after that, we got to see a leopard cub perched comfortably on the branch of a huge tree. staring down at the crowd of his international admirers clicking away to glory. He seemed like a sensational superstar obliging the paparazzi without much ado. And just like everyone else, I just couldn’t stop admiring the cub either.... just so adorable and cute... from far I guess!!! LOL

Another great spotting for us was that of a tusker. When we spotted him, he was far away, behind the trees and bush... majestic in its form and playful in his activities. But then he started moving towards us. The thrill of the tusker coming towards us and getting up close to the caravan of jeeps waiting for him is simply an extraordinary experience. He was just so calm and so serene, though he did scare me off a bit when he came close to the jeeps. But apparently all he wanted was to cross the trail and go to the other side. Surprisingly enough he was totally unperturbed by the human presence and did not even bother to look at any of us. I wonder if we as humans can ever have that kind of attitude towards the rest of the species. Like live and let live, like why trouble someone unless it’s a food chain requirement or unless someone is attacking you. Why can’t we all live in harmony like these animals do? I think these animals have a great lesson to teach us all... and not just about how to live in tandem with the nature and with each other, but also about how to be satisfied with what is enough instead of running after more all the time.
Ok, too much of philosophy... lets switch back to Yala Mode!

Inside the park, I couldn’t help but notice the diversity of its landscape. The park features not only green areas but also a sandy beach, freshwater lakes, scrubland and a river. I guess that’s the reason why there is such a diverse range of animals that not just occupy but also enjoy this reserve.
The park also has some dramatic rock monoliths spread throughout the park, one of which is called the elephant rock since it resembles one. It’s amazing how the flora, the fauna and their surroundings merge in to each other so effortlessly. A place that houses elephants has a rock that looks like one and the fallen sticks in and around the water pools resemble a snake or a crocodile. It’s hard to differentiate unless you really look carefully.

But "I" learnt to spot the crocs and I seemed to be good at it too... I am glad I learnt SOMETHING: D

In Yala, there is a substantial population of spotted deer, wild buffalo, jackal, mongoose, monkeys, langurs, painted storks, crocodiles and peacock. I have never seen so many peacocks together in my life. They were beyond fascinating; and beautiful would be an understatement.

They say that the bird life here comprises over 120 species. Well, obviously we did not see all of them but we did catch hold of a few including the most fascinating and extremely camera friendly bee eater. He seemed like he was posing for the camera jumping from one branch to another and looking directly at us with a series of expressions. The cutest thing ever!

Not just this- I was also deeply impressed by our jeep driver cum safari guide who I fondly named Nandu. He's been working there for over 30 years now and still seems to love his job. And the depth of his knowledge and his sense of fun was just simply superb - completely skilled and entertaining.

Although, we did miss out on the sloth bear. Kani is doing some kind of research project on them so I believe it was a bigger disappointment for him than me or Jane. Or maybe it was a bigger disappointment for me and Jane because we may never get to go there again while he has done it earlier and I am sure will be going to many more trips like these.

Anyway... to sum it up, I would like to mention that till date, I know of no finer adventure than being in the wild, in an open air jeep, trying to spot various animals that you get to see only in the zoo. But it’s not the same... the zoo with all its exotic species suddenly sounds like a boring museum to me. Because now, for me, the finest way to experience the exhilaration of being close to nature, the flora and the fauna, is by being on a wildlife safari and capturing these animals in their natural habitat... unrestricted and being themselves in the world of nature isolated from the impacts of man.

The big thing about this trip is how little I am and how great this is... I am privileged, I think, because if the humans continue with their destructive streak and keep messing with the environment, I am not sure if my grand children will ever be able to experience something so incredible. Loosing myself to nature and seeing so many beautiful creatures free in the Wild was a surprisingly lovely experience. From standing in the back of our jeep and marveling at the animals to sitting by the pool and gazing at the stars, the trip was surely one to remember.
_____________________________________________________
PS: have posted the pics on my facebook, so you can check out and you would understand exactly what I am talking about!

Thunder From Down Under - II

2010-08-06T12:53:00.001+05:30

Hellos again... still from Colombo - And I cant help but mention that its still the thunder from down under.... sorry but really cant help!!!

Anyway, it’s been 3 weeks almost here and I have made some little progress in adjusting to the day to day activities and the social life here. It obviously can’t be the same as Delhi but its better here now w.r.t the initial week.

But I still do miss Mom, Dad, Chan, Abhi, Priyanka and Shombe a lot. Especially cuz I had spent so much time with all of them just before coming here. Was pretty much with them 24 hrs or so given my health issue. And now I haven’t even seen them in 3 weeks. Doesn’t feel right AT ALL!

It feels so funnily weird... like Shombe got full marks in his test and I should be giving him chocolates. We discussed it - thanks to the mobile - but I can’t do it like rite now. I wanna give him a huge hug (which he wud run away from making a face) and tell him how happy and proud I am! And I wish you were around - I miss our "watch a kiddies movie, eat at McDs and play at amoeba" outings. I miss being a kid cuz I can do that only with you.

Then here, I have to get up real early most mornings to make myself breakfast cuz I need to take the meds. And I can’t help but think that mom used to do that for me every single day. And not just this, when I was unwell she wud make special food and feed me too. She would prepare juice, khichdi and be ready with my meds on time. I feel so useless without her. A mother's love is really precious. Sometimes I would get all irritated and over burdened by her care but now... without her, I feel so unloved and uncared for. Like no one cares enough. She calls everyday and knows stuff even before I say anything. The day I went to the doc here for general consultation on my cough, she sent me a message saying hope u r fine and don’t have fever. I was amazed... totally surprised, rather shocked to see the sms. I mean, how did SHE know???? I think there's just something special about these people we call Mother.... Miss u mom, and love u so very much, wish u cud read this.

Dad - love u equally and miss you equally... life wudnt be even half as much fun and positive if you weren’t you... I miss your pranks, leg pulling, the fights for the TV couch, and especially your optimistic attitude. I guess I get my positivity from you... actually I am sure! On most days I would find those things irritating but that’s just cuz its fun to be bullied by you like a big brother and then try snatching the remote from you or sitting in your chair when u get up and then fight about that too. Totally love you :) MUAH

From here, I can’t see and admire Priyanka's new phone - BB Curve. This comes with a wink especially for Priyanka!!! No Chinese dinners, no soups floating in front of our eyes, no shopping at GIP - NOT EVEN WINDOW SHOPPING :( - and no movies... the girl talk we still manage :) I miss her chocolate shake so much!!! And the daily dose of - "you better sleep on time" ....lolz

And Abhi... well he’s busy at the client site too - so we hardly get to talk... not like he talked much anyways, but it used to be good enough to see his face like 2-3 times a week and bug him with my leg pulling.... and him getting back at me for that not instantly but some time later.... Abhi, this is probably one of the very few times that you will catch me saying this so be happy that I am accepting publically that you are not such a bad guy - lol. You are queer but yet so lovable!

I miss Chan, Sud and Fali too... but I guess not as much as others cuz we were mostly in touch thru the phone and email, and that we still are. Only fali and me both have more work these days so when I call she’s busy and when she calls I am busy... just bad timing I guess!

Someone asked me how am I such a friendly and loving person... while typing this today, it struck me - its cuz I have so much love around me, its flowing into my life with each of these people in their unique way. Thanks and Love you all!

Thunder from down under - I

2010-07-22T14:04:00.003+05:30

Hullllloooooooooooo!!! to the bolg and the readers....

Greetings from Colombo... it’s 19th July, 2010 and I am sleepy and tired and I want to make sure I put it on my blog...hehehe! And for those of you who know me would have understood the context for the title of this blog. Just cudn't help naming it this ways!!!

Ok so here I am in a small city in a new type of "Pardes" - unlike bollywood where it only means USA... and recently in some exception cases UK and Australia(strictly exceptions)

The apartment here is good... fully furnished, spacious, good decor and one thing I love and would want in my house as well... the sliding door/window overlooking a great view. The clouds, the breeze and the drizzle that stopped before I was supposed to leave for work pretty much made up for a good start for the day ahead.

Colombo on first look seems like a mixture of Chennai and Goa... and I haven’t seen the beaches as yet so it’s just the architecture, colors, dressing, roads, shops and all that. The weather as of now is nice; clouds are around the corner all the time. But the pollution is not such a welcoming factor, especially when one is travelling in a tuktuk instead of the comfort of my "Lal Pari". Oh BTW, tuktuk means our standard auto in Delhi and Mumbai :D

I am still to understand the color coding that these tuktuks have - red, blue, green, yellow etc... but it costs 200 bucks to my office. Have learnt that in INR it means just 80 bucks, which is a short distance travel in Delhi but it sounded like a BOMB for an auto vis-a-vi the distance.... but well, like they say - when in Rome do as Romans do... so 200 SLR it is.

The vending machines and water coolers do not have glasses here and there is no CCD or Barista... which means no coffee for a while - till I either find a good cafe or buy myself a sipper. AND... till then I will die of this headache from lack of coffee. On top of it my hair is misbehaving and this is an understatement... but considering the humidity factor, maybe I can let it go. Hoping that it would settle down soon!!

The interesting thing I noticed is that here everyone uses glass bottles to store and drink water... and well, i said interesting cuz they are mostly alcohol bottles. I think it’s very amusing and scientifically safe at the same time ;D

Internet has not been setup as yet so I am right now just typing stuff on MSWord, probably will be posting it tomorrow, once the Internet is setup for me and if the BlogSpot is not blocked... else whenever.

Also, how can I forget to mention this when I am writing bout today, it’s an important important day .... two of my closest buddies were born today, more than 2 decades back... HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRLS... this is for Shaifali and Neha... Love you my babies!

More from the Colombo later, back to documents, meetings, calls and more documents for now!

For Now and Forever - VI

2010-07-13T18:01:00.011+05:30

AS GOOD AS IT GETS

Josh sat on his desk looking through a plethora of flower arrangements. Nothing appealed to him. Nothing seemed good enough to match up to Grace. Nothing was special enough.

“Finally …. something she would love. Or is there something better I can do for her?” He thought.

He sat there staring at the screen... Pay or Cancel... Cancel or Pay

Grace looked at her cup intently, focusing on the remains of her coffee, wondering if she would ever learn to read the future in it. She had tried several websites and books but all in vain.

As the clouds roared in the background, she thought to herself "It’s going to rain, but I can’t see any clouds in here for sure."

She concentrated harder and could make out a man, or a car or….. After spending a few more minutes with her cup, she decided that it was just a white mug with a coffee stain - the one that needs to be washed.

A sudden knock on the door busted her concentration.

"Coming" she shouted. She placed the coffee mug on the table and ran to the door.

Knock Knock

"I said I am coming!" she frowned

She opened the door to a crisply dressed middle aged man with flowers in his hand and a lovely black limousine in the background.

"Miss. Grace" the man smiled, handing her the flowers and a small note.

Delighted with herself at finally being able to successfully comprehend the coffee stain, she hurriedly opened the letter.

Hi Hun

No questions - Just get ready and get in the car.

Love
Josh

Grace smiled at the man and asked "What’s your name?"

"I'm Joe"

"Thanks Joe, I will be out soon!"

Half an hour later, Grace stepped out of her door. Dressed in Josh's favorite dress, she looked like an angel draped in red.

Grace called out "Joe, Thanks for waiting", covering her head with her purse as the blues and grays of the sky begun spraying the first shower of the season.

Joe opened the rear door for her as she ran towards the car.

She entered the car and to her surprise, she found Josh there waiting for her. She beamed at him.

"So?" she asked as her eyes lit up with amusement

"I said no questions, didn’t I?"

"But..."

"Shhhhhh.... Is it just you or all girls are like this?"

"What?"

"See... another question"

And they burst out laughing...

The tip tap of the rain grew louder. Grace looked outside and then looked at Josh grinning widely with sheer joy exuding through her expressions.

"You love rains don’t you?" Josh said

"Yes! It’s the best" she said bursting with exhilaration

Josh laughed as Grace giggled like a school girl.

“Joe, stop the car.” Josh said

"Are we there?" Grace questioned

"What did I tell you?" Josh questioned her back

"No questions!" she frowned

Josh removed his shoes, opened the door and stepped out. He came to Grace's side and opened the door, extending his hand for her.

"Take off your shoes"

"Bu..." she left the word hanging in the air, removed her shoes and held his hand to step out.

The rain fell like a thousand sprinklers upside down.

"Let’s walk" he said and led her to the adjoining park. She followed.

"Josh... check this out"

She jumped in a puddle of water "Woooooo!"

"Ah! You are such a kid" and Josh followed.

They put their arms around each other and walked on the wet grass talking, laughing, playing and jumping in the water puddle whenever one came in the way.

The hues of green looked splendid - fresh and laden with drops of water.

He let go of her hand as she raised her head to face the sky and extended her arms, her palms reaching out for the drops of heaven that kissed her skin tenderly.

"I saw her sitting in the rain, raindrops falling on her.”

Surprised, Grace turned around, smiling from ear to ear.

"She didn't seem to care. She sat there and smiled at me." Josh continued singing as he walked towards her

He took her left hand and placed it on his right shoulder. Placing his right hand on her waist, he swirled her around in a circle.

"And I knew - I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew
She could make me happy - happy, happy"

Swinging from right to left, from left to right, he went on…

"Flowers in her hair, flowers everywhere.
I love the flower girl, oh, I don't know just why. She simply caught my eye.”

He pulled her closer and swayed gently from side to side as she joined him and sang.

“I love the flower girl, she seemed so sweet and kind. She crept into my mind. "

“Flowers in her hair, flowers everywhere.
I love the flower girl, oh, I don't know just why. She simply caught my eye.
I love the flower girl; she seemed so sweet and kind. She crept into my mind."

Josh hugged her, enveloping her snugly in his arms “Hun, You are a terrible singer." Josh murmured

"Ummm... I know" Grace said tucked securely in his embrace "And you are a terrible dancer"

"What?" Josh said

"No questions Mister... remember?"

They both looked at each other explodeing in a loud chortle. They walked back to the car, drenched in rain, water dripping from their hair and clothes.

"I'm hungry" Grace said making a sad face...

"Well, if they will let us in, we maybe able to get back on track with the original plan!"

Josh asked Joe to take them to the restaurant as they settled in their seats.

"Josh..." Grace said "Thanks for this. It couldn’t have been better"

"Don’t thank me, I didn't order the rains!"

"But it wasn’t the rains..." She looked at him affectionately "It was you. The rains will never be the same again" she said with a warm smile.

He took her face in his palms and kissed her gently - "Happy Birthday Hun!"... So gentle and so loving, it made her insides melt... It didn’t feel right... it felt perfect!

The radio crackled in the background

"Suddenly the sun broke through (see the sun)."

Josh continued staring at the screen... Pay or Cancel... Cancel or Pay

"I turned around she was gone (where did she go).
And all I had left was one little flower from her hair."

He clicked on cancel as the music filled the room

"But I knew (I knew, I knew, I knew, I knew), she had made me happy (happy, happy).”

The sound of her sweet voice filled his memory as her words echoed in his mind - The rains will never be the same again.

Indeed… NEVER…

___________________________________________________________

More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle

Random Ramblings - II

2010-03-29T00:45:00.001+05:30

Sometimes, when I am walking right in the middle of a huge crowd, full of both known n unknown faces... I suddenly stop and look around and this strong sense of loneliness evades me. I feel like falling, free falling.... Just to know, just to see if I will fall or if someone will hold me and save me from it. But I dont do it. Cuz m not sure that sumone will. I have known that feeling of surety, knowing that there is sum1 who won’t ever let me get hurt. And then that very person pushed me over. N then I just waited to hit the bottom... I fell, I got up n now I don feel safe enough to even trip. Its like a vicious circle now... Unless I let I be... Open to trip n fall... I will never know if there’s someone right besides me to ensure that I don... But since m not sure, m over cautious, I don want to fall m hurt. I don like it... But such is life... just don know how long will the flame of my faith will last till I stop wishing n hoping for - anything and everything - I believe in, I deserve or I want.

Waiting to Board!

2010-01-22T22:29:00.008+05:30

Sitting at Delhi airport, I can’t help but look around and notice how it has changed... rather transformed. It doesn’t look like anything it used to be... It changed for better. It’s more spacious, more comfortable, more organized, definitely cozier n warm as compared to the cold outside... BUT BUT BUT - extremely loud and noisy now... which I don’t like! "SABHI ATITHIYON SE NIVEDAN HAI...BLA BLAH BLAH... DHANYWAD" - DING DONG - “MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE...BLAH BLAH BLAH...WE WISH YOU A PLEASANT FLIGHT...THANK YOU!”

Someone spare me the trauma of the LOUD-Speakers!!! (pun intended)

The flight delay is not helping either, from 10:30 PM to 11 PM and now to 11:30 PM - which means I will be landing at 1:30 in the night. It Mumbai but still... I am hoping there wouldn’t be more delay. Call from Spicejet - Dear Customer, we would like to inform you.... blah blah blah -I wonder why she sounds so happy about the delay!!! its a DELAY for god's sake, not some prize money you are offering me :-x

I am wondering - since when did Delhi become so boring.... no good looking men around.... like hello - NOT EVEN ONE...tsk tsk...

And since when did I become so boring - I say so cuz I am sitting here logged in to my client's system trying to fine tune the payroll - that too when I m not getting even a penny out of it and nor is my company... what Irony I tell you!!!

I suddenly have located an empty laptop station... yeah there are plenty on Delhi airport now. Unfortunately the well educated people here behave like uneducated idiots and are using these so called laptop stations as their head rests - sleep stations to be precise.

I feel like having a coffee but leaving my stuff here is neither safe n nor recommended. And I certainly don’t want to drag the whole thing around. Though its just one bag n a laptop but still... I am feeling too lazy to be doing this. But its coffee... I think I will get up... ok here I go

And now I am back, my coffee with me, and one more hour to go before I board. Maybe I should have waited...

The process that I had started some half an hour back on client's system is still at 8.5% completion... Humph... I don want to land in Mumbai and work but at this rate it looks like I will have to... Darn the stupid server! Grrrrrrrrrrr! Urgh! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh!

AND SOMEONE PLEASE REDUCE THE VOLUME OF THESE SPEAKERS.... It’s hurting my ears now... like someone’s put his/her fingers through my eyes and turned my brain around....yuck yuck yuck!

Huh - back to coffee! Got a call, thanks god for the distraction... Time to post n stop typing!

Shattered

2010-01-14T18:13:00.003+05:30

On and off in life, we seem to go through the rough patches. And sooner or later, we all do move on and are fine. Life just leaves us no option, what to do!

It can be something as small as losing your favorite material thing and something as big as losing someone close to your heart. And amidst all of this, you and me often forget to acknowledge what we already have - things and people - that are such a coherent part of our life, just like our own skin - so perfectly blended with our own existence that it all seems like a part of us and not as some external entity.

And hence, more often that not, we tend to overlook, all that we really need to breathe. We may or may not take it all for granted, but we surely do not realize how important they are for us... until one day, when we lose something or someone.

Its then that we realize what we have lost... and that sometimes there is no looking back... cuz you will never be able to make them realize what they meant, no words you say will be heard, nothing you do can undo the events, worst still, you may never be able to say things that you wanted to.

Its been seven years now since I lost my best friend and its never been the same. I know some of the best people around and my closest buddies are my friends in the real sense of the word. But no one can ever fill the gap that’s been created. And so, I tend to hold on to my close friends with all my dear life - call it fear of losing them to the uncertain, call it ideology, call it anything - but I follow it like a strict rule. Friendship happens to be one of my most cherished values in life.

However, these very close friends of mine do not agree with it all the time. A very close friend of mine, recently complained about me not having enough self respect and letting another friend use me. I was advised to steer clear of that friend. But all I asked was, if you have some work, wont you ask your closest friend first to help you or depend on them to care for you??? So how is it that I was so called "USED"??? And all I said to her was that a friend is a friend, even with all his/her shortcomings... and I can’t let go of a friend just cuz they did something they should not have. She said it’s all ideal and sounds good to hear, but should be implemented only to a limit and only when the same is being reciprocated by the other person. She said that all relations are a give and take, and I am being Mother Teresa by acting foolish and hurting myself.

Maybe she is right. I know she cares, I know she is reading, I know she is one of the very few people who would actually say things as they are without putting any make up on top of it. And that’s why I’d rather talk to her than anyone else, cuz I like things black and white... doesn’t matter if most of them are black and if it hurts like crazy... but grey is not for me... it makes me sick both mentally n physically... so black is also good cuz its not grey.

But at the same time it is in direct conflict with my ideology of friendship. I do not discount the fact that I can’t be wrong or the fact that not everyone is alike and this particular person may not really be a great friend to have. However, the dilemma is - how do I decide what’s rite in this case? Do I follow my heart and be a friend despite all logic pointing in a totally opposite direction? Or do I follow my mind, which asks me to completely shun this person out of my life and don give a damn... cuz seems like this person clearly does not either.

We become friends with someone only when we know that we think we can trust that person and then we do exactly that - we trust them. And so did I. And then, it was broken under the pretext of friendship... now that also is in direct conflict of my idea of friendship!

In today's world where everything seems like a sham, trust has become a rare commodity... its very difficult to find someone to trust and its equally difficult to find someone who trusts you. So its obviously not just rare but valuable too. Or maybe not. Especially when its broken and assaulted by the very few people who you consider close to your heart.

Now all this jazzy shit aside, I wonder how one person starts believing or trusting the other. What is it that makes you trust someone? What is it that makes you accept that person without questioning their intentions?

Its like an extreme adventure sport, you don’t know what you are getting in to till you come out all fine, or otherwise for that matter. You expose the most vulnerable feelings, emotions, secrets and all that stuff - with full confidence in that person that it wont come back to haunt you. Unknowingly and unintentionally, you are gearing other people to take advantage of you... while you expect and believe that it wont happen.

Now why do we humans do that?? Like why do we believe that someone is good enough to be "THAT" person who will keep your trust safe and will not break it at the drop of a hat??

Neat - ain't it... like a vicious circle - unless u fall, u will not know if the person you "TRUST" will save you. But unless you trust someone, you wont try falling... and if that trust is broken, you will fall n hurt pretty effectively.

So when do you know that someone is not being a friend or depending on you as a friend, but is instead manipulating your trust in them? Where do you draw that line and say - till u don cross that line, I will not let my ego rise but beyond this line, its my self respect that I must save? Is there really something like a selfless friendship or is it just a myth... cuz then we all should stick only to people who care and love us back equally. NO???

AH!!! - I’ve hit another grey... n not liking it for sure!!!

This new year, I just wish to have enough strength to survive the fall and to never be the "puppy dog" that my other friend called me. (Although I love puppy dogs, only not everyone does).

God - if you exist - remind me not to trust just about anyone, cuz the risk is not worth it at all.

Me for Myself

2009-12-29T16:26:00.003+05:30

After a break of more than three years, I joined my dance classes back. And after an equally long time, I felt I was in tune with myself again. Although it was only for a short while, twice a week to be precise, but I was enjoying myself. I was surely happier. In the middle of everything going wrong, there was something I looked forward too.

I couldn’t have asked for more, I had my fav instructor to teach me and Shiamak was right there on the day of the show. It was a good surprise since he arrived there just before our performance began. I was all pumped up and all smiles. And it was truly unbelievable to be up there and performing again. Bliss!

The dance style I learned this time was Krumping along with popping and locking. And the song was Blue! - remixed version of the title song. We used a huge piece of satin cloth and t-shirt as our props. All thanks to Prafful's superb imagination - the choreography was unbelievably awesome... and with amazing group effort, our number was well appreciated and was one of the best that evening.

Other numbers which really impressed me was "Tu Jane na" - very romantic and beautiful, a contemporary composition - totally loved it.

And for the first time, my enthusiasm was just a tad bit less. For the first time, I did not see that familiar face in crowd - the one that was always there for all my performances. I knew it won’t be there but for some reason my eyes were still searching for it. All I want to say is that I really missed you. I miss you everyday but I missed you a lot more that day.

Only if life was fair enough, even if not completely fair.... but since its not, I am going to take this as a new beginning. Beginning of a series of performances where it’s just me - my performances will now be all mine and for me. This time around, it will be me for myself.

Love at first sight!

2009-10-20T14:03:00.011+05:30

Now this is one thing I never believed in. I always take my own time to really love something or someone, cuz in an instant - there can only be a spark, a vibe, some little liking.... but love - eh! No way!!

And if it’s anything to do with "first sight" it most certainly is based on how someone or something looks. This is anyways against my strong belief of inner beauty. I'm not trying to be philosophical here, just that I do believe that looks, per say, don matter much.

Or shud I say, I used to believe tht... cuz I have finally experienced love at first sight. With a place and a person. A rocking city - Las Vegas - Just like the sign says "FABULOUS LAS VEGAS"

And a rockin hunk - Matthew

And oh what crap... I had to leave both behind...Just my luck, if I may say so!

But to be frank, I haven’t had a more wonderful trip in my life. Las Vegas is the most amazing place on this earth... Yes... I had the time of my life last month, thanks to Vegas... I loved it beyond belief and I am sure not going to forget it ever... guess not even in a memory loss situation.

I'm not even gonna attempt to put it down in words, all my adventures and experiences of the city - be it the gambling that makes u forget what time it is or the crazy streets and parties where after hours mean 6-7 AM... yeah, and I'm not exaggerating...

Be it the cute Lion cubs at MGM or the Thunder from down under show at Excalibur... the fountain show at Bellagio or the Huge bike at Harley Davidson cafe...

the all lighted Coke bottle or the awesomeness personified Diablo Club... the 5$ Gucci Steal or the Real flamingoes next to our breakfast table...

the New York and the statue of liberty or the Paris and the eiffel tower...

AND GUESS WHAT - I saw only 1/4th of the city .....

Oh, and about Thunder from down under - all you girls, even if u can’t see that show, you must check out their website www.thunderfromdownunder.com. It’s not a nude cheap crappy full monty show as one would think from the name or the city it is associated with...nah - not at all - BUT its definitely a hot male revue. Its like 8 men, as hot or more hot than John Abraham in Dostana... I would say hot is an understatement for them... who perform some gigs and dance for ladies only... mostly the bachelorette parties...

The show just simply rocked and that’s where I spotted Matty... N I still can’t stop smiling at the mention of his name...Geee... So cute! I mean he is as hot as one can be - or like Deanna commented - How can someone be SO hot... LOL ... but I fell for his cute vibrant smile more than the hotness factor... which of course was not at all something one could overlook... Sigh!!!

I wish we could interact a little more and maybe I could stay there a little longer... stupid after show party was just not long enough... but nevertheless, I shall never forget our short conversation about Cricket (he was from Australia) and a few compliments I managed to get from him (Thank god I decided to dress up unlike my usual self)... Gawd he was hot... almost made me forget John... Teehee! I sound like a smitten teenager don I? But who cares... I am smitten after all! Teeheee...

It's funny how I was even thinking about not going to Vegas...stupid me. But m glad I took the gr8 decision to go...n thanks to my boss for a two day holiday...Yipeee!! I am just so thankful that I had the opportunity and I did not miss it... Yayee!!! And am sure I am going back sometime.... Sometime soon that is!!!

Some goodbyes are forever....

2009-10-07T14:47:00.005+05:30

Have you ever done something that’s the right thing to do at that moment... impulsive or planned? Something that was exactly what you should have done. But turns out, there is nothing in life that you would regret more.

Have you ever let go of someone who meant the most to you but just did not feel right... friend/family/love... anyone. You had the strongest, most logical reason to part ways and so you did. And when you couldn’t find that person anymore around you, you realized how much you needed them... and you just never stop missing them, thinking about them and wondering if they think about you too. Even thought the right thing to do was let go, but if given a chance, you would not do it a second time.

I will make a confession today and say, I have done that in life. I let one of my closest friends... one of the people who gave me some of my best memories in life...walk away. And I am saddened to see that a lot of people are doing that too.

Just makes me think how stupid we humans can be. We invest our emotions, our love and our feelings in someone and then... we just let that person walk away in a fit of anger, disappointment, hurt... whatever the reason maybe. We forget all those small little things that made that person so special and those moments that we would cherish for life. We let them go and then once the anger, the resentment settles down... we suffer for the longest time ever. They move on, cuz you asked them to...but you stand there forever, looking at the footsteps they left behind. I swear I tried hard to make things fine, but I guess it was too late. You had gone too far... too far to hear my voice, to far to see me.

You can’t move forward, cuz there's no way there. You can’t follow them, cuz that's not right and you would reach no where in the end. And you can’t even go back. You know you will never see them or hear from them, that they are gone forever. And you are scared that you will forget the feeling of being with them, the way they sounded, the way they looked, the way they were with you... that you would forget the best of your memories without them. You are scared they will become just a faint memory, that they will become someone you know existed but cannot recall. And you are scared that you would lose whatever is left of them with you.

I am pretty sure that even if I did not take the decision I took, the things would still be the way they are today. We would still not be friends. You would still have found another excuse to do what you did.... cuz that’s how you wanted things to be. But I still so wish that the excuse wasn’t me... that maybe if it wasn’t me, then maybe it wouldn’t have been you either... that maybe we were still friends... I wish you had been more honest and I wish I was more patient. I can’t speak for you anymore, so I don’t know about the dishonesty bit on your part, but I do know bout my impatience and I wish I had held on a bit longer... just a wee bit longer. I wish I hadn't given up.

I'm sorry for the fight we had... I truly am. I still miss you... I still love you... I still trust you so much that though I know all your lies, my heart still doesn't believe any of it. I miss the friend, who understood my passion like no one else has ever been able to understand, not my family - not my best friend. And I know no-one ever will.

There are all kinds of mistakes, good - bad, big - small, others - ours... but there are some mistakes, some decisions we take - that we can neither forget and nor forgive ourselves for. And it’s always easier to live with someone else's mistake and forgive them, but not your own...specially the ones that give you a bruise for a lifetime. Cuz it kills you from within each day, cuz it’s your own guilt and you are responsible for making yourself suffer... cuz you can’t even complain... cuz you can’t play the blame game.

So when you feel like saying goodbye - be very careful and just remember - that some goodbyes are forever...

The Jhoooo Asssss Part - II

2009-09-17T13:52:00.004+05:30

Ok so am back
Back for good and back with loads of good memories...

When I landed in US, I din like anything except the cool breeze in san Diego.

Ask me now - and there is nothing that I do not like about that place.

Culture, Respect, Peace, Brother hood.... all that we talk loudly about, on top of our voices - it’s actually something they practice more than we guys do.. they are warmer, more welcoming, more respectful, and more polite than us in general.

We talk about a good routine, getting up early, having a family time etc - but that’s the last thing most of us do or follow... But in US, most ppl are in office by 7:30-8:00 AM. They work hard till 4:30-5:00 PM and then its time for family. Unlike our spoilt brats of kids here who shout n cry loudly for every little thing - the kids there are in bed before 9. I was amazed, cuz that’s the last thing I expected based on what impression we have of US culture.

Yes - the kids move out at 16-18 yrs of age and become independent. But then so what. They really know how to LIVE their life. People concentrate on themselves and so no one has time or energy to spend on getting jealous of sum1 else’s achievements or being judgmental or bad mouthing sum1. Now exceptions are there, but exceptions are not examples.

One of the things that really amazed me and left me in awe was the use of technology to provide centres like seaworld and hollywood. Just so much fun to be. Will never forgett the Shamu Show- Killer Whale show at SeaWorld and the Jurassic Park Ride at Hollywood. Yipeeeeeee!!! Jaw Droppin Stuff I say!

Another thing that I really loved there was the respect for other people and their time. Which means most people would follow rules. Almost everyone did. And so - I loved driving on the roads. Freeways were such a great experience.

I can’t even express how good it felt. One really got to be there to experience the JOY of driving and not just enjoy driving.

I have already raved about the work culture so I will now get to that one thing which I loved the most in US - LAS VEGAS - The Sin City

I am back and I love being back in India, I love being home and have my crazy family going crazy everyday. The crazy Laughter... but I just can’t get over Vegas... I guess more than the city it was me being myself totally - no restrictions no bars.... there are things I learnt about myself in 2 days which I did not know in 26yrs...just cuz I was free to take my decisions without any one looking at me and trying to judge me or sum1 pressurizing me to do sum thing. It was me being myself and there’s no greater feeling than that. And that, I owe to Vegas.

Now what happened in Vegas doesn’t necessarily have to stay in Vegas. So my Vegas story next time.... cuz it really deserves a special exclusive blog. Something I would like my kids n my grand kids to read and say - grandma was so mad... like she was so mad...LOL

But US trip can not can not end without me mentioning 3 people who really made it worthwhile!

1- Venky - Dude, u were like my guardian angel. Thanks for the calling card, the recharge, the Hollywood trip, the GPS, the daily calls, the motivation to hold on and to drive :) and an amazing weekend... :D

Aap nai hote to mera kya hota US mein..Muah

2 - Mama - I got the best gift ever in my life - The Atlanta trip and the camera, one that I had been planning to buy since whenever and now I finally have it. I can now click anything anytime, whenever I want. I got like some 700 pics although I had the camera only in the last 2 weeks... just so love it.

3 - Deanna - My client and this amazing woman. Superbly humorous and so obviously we had so many things to laugh about - specially the "Hard Disk Failure", the "Crazy Horse" and "Its Paper".... oh and the Indian - with a dot and a feather? hehehe... Thanks for being the guide Deanna... Vegas wouldn’t be half as much fun without u. Totally loved your company... THANK YOU!

Back to work now... But I'm loving it. Ting Ting TiDing!

Uncle Sam - Here I am!

2009-08-11T03:50:00.012+05:30

Well Well Well - US - the land of dreams. Here I come... with no specific dream and still dreaming of a something to change in my life... in a good way. I don know if this land of dreams can really fulfill my dreams cuz they r not about wealth, car, lifestyle or freedom. Nah. But then, I still got a month here and people who call this country the land of dreams must have a reason to do so. So till I am supposed to go back home, lets leave that question unanswered!

Anyway, till now all I have done is worry bout how n what I will do here to survive. Why? Cuz it’s totally opposite what we are. The electric switch goes the opposite way and so does the traffic. The language per say is not an issue but usage is. For example, thank you is a very important word... u reserve it for something huge... but you appreciate it if someone does something for you, even if it’s their job. Which is nice! Very nice I say. It’s nice to get acknowledged isn’t it? Also, problem means something huge. Rest are all issues. And I like that approach too. Cuz issues are really not big. And so, if the small problems in our day to day life become just mere issue... well then all good cuz thrs no PROBLEM...rite...LOL

Here, I have a nice room all to myself.... although its not home and it does get lonely but its a great place still...

The sky from this place is amazing and the moon is so close that it looks like I cud just grab it and hold it in my hands and then keep it all to myself...

It is just SIMPLEY SUPERB to look at it every night, so huge n so beautiful. I can see the craters clearly forming the shadows on its bright white surface. Hmmmmmm.... how pretty...sigh!!!

I am working at the client site here and I have a nice small cubicle, all to myself... I would love to call it my office - only its not...LOL...

- Thats my small lil cozy cube

- And this is the cafe view, I prefer working out of here as its so calm and peaceful. Just a gr8 view while sippin a cup of coffee!

The work culture also is pretty nice here... very different from the way we funtion. Everyone says hello to you. People don’t just walk past you like you are invisible or transparent. My existence is being acknowledged. Now it may seem a superficial thing, but really its not. It’s just the way of life here. It’s respecting the other person’s presence in the room, next to you, in the lift or in the cafe area. But I guess if we start doing that in India, we would die of sayin hello - considering the sheer number of people we would see everyday... NO?

But behold... alls not well here as well. Like some parts of India, the public transport sucks here too. And unlike our cheap autos and rickshaws, the cab here costs a bomb. And I mean a BOMB. LOL. So does food. Imagine having an all Indian, no frills meal for $6, which is like 300 dollars... I mean it’s a lil like - woho--hullo--wts on man!... when u have had that in just Rs. 20 which is like a quarter dollar. A bottle of parachute coconut oil... the small little one... costs a 150 bucks here... OMG!!! The other day I tried to take a bus cuz I can’t yet drive here and I wanted to go shop a little, and no not for stuff but for groceries... I waited for 20 minutes and no bus came. So I walked 2 miles and back. Everyone looked at me like I was a crazy lady either lost or just crazy to be walking in the sun like this... hehehehe...

This weekend... I din do much. Or shud I say that there wasn’t much to do. Except for Saturday evening 4 hours at Sea world. But those four hours, I became a lil kid. Running from one spot to other, trying to catch up with so many things to see and admire - killer sharks, dolphins, white whales, underwater aquarium, penguins, polar bear, flamingos, seals, ghost fish(amazin stuff).

And of all, one thing that gave me a major kick was the fact that I SAW A POLAR BEAR. The cutest thing in the world. Huge and so so so so so so so so sweet n pretty. OK now I sound like a girl in pink frock to myself so m not gonna say pretty again. But really, it was damn cute.

If ppl who are reading this get some time. Go look up Shamu the killer whale on google. Its show was unbelievable and maybe thts y they call it believe. Dolphins were also extremely adorable.

And guess wt... For both these shows I was in the soak zone and these huge creatures splashed water all over. Drenched would be an understatement. But when did a kid ever bother... so nor did I... I was so excited, and it was all worth it. And I have the pass to go back anytime I want for the rest of the year. I don know if I will but it’s just enough thrill to know that I can. Yipeeeeeeeee!!!

Enjoy the pics and the videos... not gr8 quality but well, my memories nevertheless!!!

But I miss home. I miss my family, my friends, my car, my room, everything... and I will be back cuz except work, there is nothing to keep me here. And what is that people don’t want to leave this place is another question that I will leave unanswered....

A Step Ahead...

2009-07-04T13:27:00.004+05:30

Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it - goes the song penned by Cole Porter.

It’s a gr8 day in Indian history since homo sexuality is legalized... well at least in the capital city. And hopefully soon everywhere else. The reason why it makes me glad is not because I'm one but cuz finally India is showing some signs of being a democratic country. A country where a person is not judged based on just their sexual preference and character.

But what pains me is that this is being opposed by the so called common people, the youngsters of the Janta. Of all the generations, I never expected our generation to be against it. Well - SURPRISE!!!

I can understand t hat the oldies do not agree and its ok for them not to agree cuz of their old believes, lack of knowledge and religious concepts, etc etc tec. But really shocking that our well educated generation is opposing it. I can’t do anything about it, but it’s just a lil unacceptable or rather I can’t seem to digest it. And well, calling it western culture is like hilarious... coming from such well off folks.

It’s just made me wonder about how the society can make it really hard for its constituents to be themselves. I agree that society plays a huge role in ensuring that everything is in order through the rules and regulations its sets for its members, however, sometimes, out of its own prejudices, it can be absolutely unjust to certain members as well. And I am writing this with this clearly planted in my mind that that some of you, infact a lot of you who are reading this, will not agree and say that homosexuality is not normal... well, think again!

Cuz just like the song mentioned above goes, some same-sex birds really do it. So do cows, ducks and other birds, beetles, fruit bats, dolphins, orangutans, cats, dogs, insects, gorillas, horses, sheep, monkeys, and a plethora of other creatures. Scientists are discovering that homosexuality is a part and parcel of our animal kingdom.

Still don believe me??? Try reading this book called the naked ape and you would know how the current breed of Homo sapiens can be naturally Homo! A controversial statement I guess, but true nevertheless.

So do I think homosexuality is a crime? Yes ... read on before you get confused.... It is nothing less than a crime in the Indian sub-context. For centuries it’s been a taboo and considered a curse. To top it all, homosexuality is classed as illegal under an outdated 141- years-old law that prohibits “unnatural” sexual acts, resulting in a punishable offense. But well, then this same act prohibits Oral and anal sex as well since it’s considered unnatural and hence anyone who indulges in it is a criminal.... I believe 90% of our country would be a criminal in this case!

And this is precisely why I am glad that HC has taken a step forward to refine and redefine our laws. It’s high time it’s done and it’s high time that new laws are introduced so that our society can move ahead with time.

I believe No one, and I mean NO ONE at all should be made to feel worthless just cuz of their different desires and preferences. Its time we understand that homosexuals are not queer; they are human... that there the terms homosexual and heterosexual are just two words that define sexual preferences and not the person himself. That we are all the same... we are all human beings no matter what.

Gays. Lesbians. Bisexuals. Trans-gender individuals still have no rights to marry, adopt children or even protest against discrimination at the workplace. But thankfully, this new order by HC at least gives them the right to be recognized as normal human beings, free to live life as billions of other do.

I don’t understand what the silly people are protesting against... what’s the harm in someone being able to live freely? How is it hurting anyone at all?

OH! I heard someone say it’s not natural!!! Ah I hear another voice... against the human race... is it? Really? Harassment, someone else says... nah, these are just excuses

I have been harassed by men so often on the streets of Delhi... so now do I start discriminating against all men??? No right? Of course no... Cuz I do know some of the best people and they belong to the male gender. And I am sure that tomorrow if a lesbian approaches me, and if I tell her I don’t swing that ways, she would be far more respecting and understanding of my feelings and choice than any random roadside Romeo.

And as far as being unnatural is concerned, well its just old bull crap. Yes it’s exactly that. People just need to read more about homosexuality before just simply protesting against it just for the heck of it. It’s been proven that homosexuality existed way before home sapiens did. And recent studies have even proved that’s it’s in the genes. And I don’t think that there is anything more natural than what is in a person’s gene!! And whoever doesn’t believe me, can do their own research before deciding if I am right or not.

And if there is really so much free time that people have on their hands to protest, then kindly make me understand when and how did consensual sex between two adults harmed anyone at all?? GLTB's are not bombing innocent people. They are not raping minors. They are neither stealing nor kidnapping. Infact they are far more superior than the stupid protestors, cuz they are not burning the public property and disrupting the everyday life of our country and its people.

You know what, maybe the tax paying GLTB's should protest against these useless protestors who burn stuff every time anything happens... its like they just need a reason to shout and burn things around

To sum up... all I wanna say is that - People are born gay or straight... just like you are born a male or a female. We don’t have a choice. Its as simple as that. Its like the majority is right handed, but then there are the left handed people too - the ones who are perfectly normal.

All we need is an open mind and above all, an open heart.

Its all too complicated!!!

2009-05-01T15:57:00.001+05:30

The first quarter of this year has been a lot of things for me - Joyful, heart breaking, traumatic, gratifying, irksome, testing, adventurous, new learnings, letting go, love, hate, friendship, new people, old people, family, friends, disgusting, breath taking... etc etc etc. Just about anything and everything has changed... some for better and some for worse. So much has been thrown at me and so rapidly and so unexpectedly that most often than not, I found myself lost.... The girl who has always lived in absolute black or white was painted grey all over. Needless to say I hate it... I hate greys and I want my blacks and whites back... even if it means more of blacks.

Just a few days back when I sat down to look at the spectrum of emotions I went through, the things I did and the things I did not do... lot many questions came to my mind… a whole lot of doubts and a plethora of sensations.

I have always been this one person who always gives others a huge benefit of doubt, giving them enough chances before I give up on them, never doubting other people's intention for no good reason and sometimes even after having ample reasons (How stupid you say? I agree!!!)…. giving them the opportunity to be themselves, never judging... just letting them be.

And I guess that why all in all; I have mostly been disappointed in people. In fact - almost always.

It makes me wonder - too many people, too many lives interwoven... I don understand why people would want to make it more complicated with the fast pace and ever changing dynamics of the world, already maddening and annoying us on every step of our life. I don’t know if being simple and being black and white is queer and complicated or is it the rest of the world that is actually queer and complicated... but it just doesn’t seem right from my point of view.

Here’s why I am saying all this… some real people…

- A guy who is getting married to a girl just cuz his mother likes the girl... though he did not like the girl himself and though there is no cultural or social match between the families. Makes me wonder about the girl - I would surely not want to be in her place and get married to someone who doesn’t like me enough. And the worst of it all, the poor thing has no clue about it either.

- A mother-in-law who taunts her daughter-in-law about the medical expenses that are incurred during pregnancy... like its someone else's grandchild!!! WHY?

- A girl who is getting married to a guy just because he is rich. All they do on their dates is shopping - CK, Prada, Gucci, D&G, Sisley, Tommy.... phew. I can’t imagine getting married to a guy who’s never bought me flowers... not even a single one!!!

- A mother who runs away from home with her new lover leaving behind a 1 year old kid. I mean really!!! YOUR OWN CHILD. I am not judging her cuz she fell in love with someone else...NO... but how can you not be bothered about someone you gave birth to... How can you not care about your own child?

- A woman who is having an affair with her OWN sister's husband, putting the future of three young children at stake. The father spends all his free time with his muse while the mother of the children has a real hole in her heart. My heart really goes out to the kids and I fail to understand how a father can be so heartless. Needless to say the wife’s plight is even worse.

- A guy who makes a girl wait for him for eight long years while he is gladly indulging in adultery. And when she gets tired, and wants to get married to someone else – that too because he doesn’t want to get married, he still has the audacity to create issues in her wedding procedures.

- A guy who is madly in love with a girl for over 6 years, waiting to express himself and waiting for the right time... lets go of her cuz she is now more educated and better earning. The ego raises its ugly head.

- A husband who lies about his salary to his own wife. Doesn’t even bear the cost of child birth and rather puts it on the girl's parents. Does the child and the mother have no relation with him? It’s not the neighbor’s wife for god’s sale!!!

- A girl who is about to get married, but can’t still give up on his long list of ex-guys and current interests. She still wants to talk to them and be with them whenever possible.

- A best friend who doesn’t call anymore, cuz he got married. Mr. Dependable lets her go home alone at 2 AM in the night in a city like Delhi.

- A guy who gets drunk and calls a girl to tell her how she is the only one who understands, how no one will ever relate, shares his deepest darkest secret... but in the broad day light and somber times, he doesn’t even consider her a friend. Doesn’t give a damn about how and what she feels. Rude and Selfish are an understatement for his behavior towards her.

- A 55 year old sick man, who indulges in adult chats while his 50 year old wife dutifully goes out to earn money, come back to take care of the house - the children and also take care of her old, unwell husband. So much for gratitude... and so much for all her devotion!

- A close friend who lies for no good reason and when caught, still manages to make up excuses.

- A 45 year old divorcee, wanting to marry a 25 year old spinster, and NO it’s not a love marriage or anything, it’s an arrangement he’s looking forwards too??? Seriously... what does he think he is...? President of US or the King of England?

- A close friend who always wants you to be there, to listen to them, to take care of them... but when it’s their turn... u get just one excuse – “I am like that only”

- A guy who shoots a vulgar video of his own wife. It’s their life and they can do what they like… but that’s not where it ends. The husband shares it with his own real brother and the brother-in-law merrily distributes it further to his friends and colleagues. SICK is not the word!!!

- A guy who just got engaged... telling another girl, who he practically came on to and made out with… that he doesn’t know why but he loves her company, feels comfortable talking to her and so doesn’t want to let go... "Can't we be friends?" He says.

URRRGH!!! YUCK!!! EEEWWW!!

That’s how they make me feel. Scaring me out of my wits….

It’s just so scary to know that we can never know the true face of a person... and even if we do, the person might just change for worse… and then what?

It’s so scary to know that these kind of people exist. And that they are not too far away from me.

It’s scary to know that I may have to face them some day, and that I have faced a few already…. that I am who I am and so I may not always survive this.

Scary... cuz a second chance for these people is as trivial and as irrelevant, as the trust that others invest in them...

Scary… cuz they draw pleasure from being wide of the mark... and not just that, they are even proud of what they do... with no remorse whatsoever.

God Oh God!!! What’s becoming of this world and apparently your most beautiful creation... Or is it just me?

For Now and Forever - V

2009-04-09T12:00:00.025+05:30

A LOT LIKE LOVE

Ding Dong - The huge clock tower struck 7, startling Josh.

Josh leaned against his car, nervous as hell... waiting for Grace to come out of her office complex. His eyes constantly shifting between the exit gate and his watch. He felt the same anxiety every time he came to see her… Every time.

Moments later, Grace emerged from the gate. Smiling, as always. Grace, not just by name... but elegance personified. Something lit up inside him the moment he saw her walking towards him.

She came and hugged him "Hello Happiness!” planting a cheerful peck on his check.

Amused, he asked "Oh Wow! What was that for?"

Grace "Just like that!"

Josh "Oh Common, you never do that. Now out with it."

Grace looked at Josh, her grin widening "No really, for no reason."

Josh "No No No. There IS something, tell me... NOW"

Grace "No"

Josh "Yes"

Grace "No"

Josh "Yes"

Grace "No"

Josh "Yes"

Grace "No"

Josh "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Grace "Well! If you really want to know..."

Josh "Yeaaaah... I really want to know..."

Grace moved closer to him and murmured softly in his ear "I just had a fortune cookie" and handed over the fortune paper to him.

Josh looked at her surprised and mystified "So?"

Puzzled, he opened up the crumpled paper to read it. It said "Stop searching, happiness is just next to you."

He looked at her with all the love in his heart and smiled with all the warmth in his soul. He gently held her hand and locked her close to his heart, in a tender embrace.

In this moment, he knew that it was either her or no one.

In this moment, he did not know why and how... but he just knew.

In this moment, he knew he wanted to hold her, just like that, next to his heart... For Now and Forever.

Ding Dong - The huge clock tower struck 7, startling Josh as always.

He looked at the exit gate, not nervous at all… waiting for her, as the crowd started pouring out.

In this moment, he knew she would never surface from the crowd… he knew that his heart will always long for it but he will never be able to hold her again…

In this moment… he knew.

___________________________________________________________

More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle

What was and will be!

2009-03-30T16:11:00.005+05:30

Note: This is a guest post by Hussain, one of my really good friends and one of the best people I've ever met in life...

I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. -- Gilda Radner

There is always tomorrow, and life gives us another opportunity to do things right, but in case I am wrong, and today is all that is left to me, I would like to tell you I’m thankful for the acquaintance I had with you and for the words and emotions you have linked with me. As we leave and part on our ways, we take with us fond memories. We take with us lessons from life. We savour the taste of new relationships formed and throw away the burden of bonds that have faded away.

A few words for you…
When we first met,
The speculation in your eyes, I’ll never forget..
We learned to look at circumstances, all in the same mirror
Where our reflections collided and shimmered..

Be it the war of opinion and verity
Or the sweet togetherness of companionship and support’s beauty..
We travelled the same roads nevertheless
Now it’s time for us to digress..

Call it serendipity, call it fate
I wish for you to give your dreams wings, bring closure to the wait..
I gift you my gratitude for the kind words and acquaintance,
The golden rays of this sunset will bid you farewell and all success in abundance..

--- Hussain Arsiwalla

Learning to Learn

2009-03-18T10:52:00.002+05:30

Life chooses its course without asking us. The best we can do is move with it instead of trying to run in the opposite direction and hence make the most of it. Now Now - I'm not being preachy. Most of the times, even I cant do it. And in all honesty, acceptance is the worst of my capabilities and hence, so is letting go.

But at the same time, I can also assure that acceptance is in fact a rare treat you can give yourself, because unless n until we accept things as they are, we will not be able to make the right decisions in life. And more so, we will be responsible for hurting ourselves and making our own life miserable. And if you doubt it, I have a PhD in it - so might as well take my words for it.

Intent and will - is all that we need and all that is toughest to implement. And in case one of you has it in abundance, kindly pass it on to me, hehehe!

The trick is, to see things as they are and not with the highly optimistic rose tinted glasses or for that matter not even the highly pessimistic all black glasses. The trick is to ACCEPT - accept that we can only be in control of ourselves and not others. And it’s tougher than climbing the Everest for sure cuz our very own heart and emotions, weaken us every moment every day. Our ego fights, our brain fights, our heart fights... I - ME - MYSELF....

But the truth is the truth. Nothing can change it so why not just accept it as it is. Definitely saves a lot of time and makes life a lot easier and a lot happier. Why? You ask... cuz when you know you can’t change something, then you make peace with it and move on to the next step - deciding what to do next.

And in any case, why should one traumatize oneself... there are always better things in life waiting for us then sulking and feeling bad about things that we cant control... cuz there are things that we CAN control and that CAN make us happy. And most of all, the one thing that we can be in total control of, is our own self. Well, almost!!

If you would have asked me about a few months back, I wouldn’t have agreed or recommended this - but speaking out of my own experience and realization in life today- the power to make me happy, resides right inside me. And so does the power to make my life hell for no good reason.

It doesn’t feel good all the time, but it’s surely better than feeling sad all the time. There are still times when I sulk; when I want things my way and feel bad cuz I can’t have them. But it’s not a constant anymore. Cuz I am on my way to realizing, that truth is what it is... and noting we do can change it. We can only distort its meaning when we view it from different perspectives and live in an illusion - but the truth itself, doesn’t change.

The only person we can change is our self... the only thing we can control is our feelings and thoughts... the ONLY thing. And so, the only effort we should put in is making our self happy - whatever it takes. Even if it means unlearning what we have followed religiously all our life and learning something totally new and overcoming our deepest fears.

I have LEARNT the hard way, but I HAVE learnt that learning is not really changing… its just upgrading… becoming better for ones own self.

I'm learning to learn... and hopefully this will be another exam in my life that I will pass with flying colors. And once I am done, I would have learnt to value myself and my will more than just about anybody… I would have learnt to let go…

I really wish that I would have learnt finally….

And forget not that the earth delights to feel my feet - bare
And the winds long to play with my hair!!!

*** The quote above is adapted from Khalil Gibran

For Now and Forever - IV

2009-02-14T12:12:00.014+05:30

SHALL WE DANCE

"One more please" Josh signaled

"Sure sir" Bartender replied

Just then, from the corner of his eye, he saw a man leading his lady to the dance floor. A few moments later, another couple joined them. Before long, the dance floor was filled with couples only, holding each other close, smiling and gently moving to the sound of music.

It still feels like our first night together
Feels like the first kiss ....

Josh suddenly became aware of the occasion. It was Valentines Day.

"Sir" the bartender interrupted "your drink"

Josh looked at his glass and smiled.

The world around him began to dissolve, melting into images from another time, another place as his eyes stared blankly in the thin air.

He turned around to face the dance floor.

She stood there in a vibrant pink blouse, a high cut black trousers and the black satin wrapped around her neck, contrasting and complimenting the white of her skin. Her face shimmering in the darkness, smiling generously at him.

He put down his glass and rushed towards her, with an urgency unknown to himself.

He took her hand tenderly and drew her close to himself, sweeping her across the dance floor.

"What?" Grace said, embarrassed and startled by his actions.

Josh put a finger on her lips "Shhhhh!!!"

Grace "But!"

Josh "Shhhh!!!"

Grace "Jo..!!"

Josh "Shhh!!! ...listen"

It's gettin' better baby
No one can better this ...

It was her favorite song. She looked at him and her eyes lit up.

He lifted her arms softly and put them around his neck. United in form and movement, they moved effortlessly to the symphony... elegance and style... like a dream...as if she was flying on a magic carpet in his arms.

Slowly, she began to let go as Josh led her gently through a series of patterns, blending flawlessly with the rhythm of the music... filled with the warm joy of her free spirit... no bounds, no fear.

The first time our eyes met it's the same feelin' I get
Only feels much stronger and I wanna love ya longer

As the song progressed, Josh drifted in time... only to find his empty arms and an empty glass.

I remember the smell of your skin
I remember everything
I remember all your moves
I remember you
I remember the nights ya know I still do

"One more please" Josh signaled

"Sure sir" Bartender replied

With every word and every breath I'm prayin'
That's why I'm sayin'...
___________________________________________________________

More from the series - For Now and Forever:
For Now and Forever - I: If Only...
For Now and Forever - II: PS: I Love You
For Now and Forever - III: You've Got Mail
For Now and Forever - IV: Shall We Dance
For Now and Forever - V: A Lot Like Love
For Now and Forever - VI: As Good As It Gets
For Now and Forever - VII: Gone With The Wind
For Now and Forever - VIII: Message In A Bottle

If Only...

2009-02-07T13:14:00.007+05:30

He drew her in a tight hug, holding her close to his heart... rocking her gently in her arms, her head buried in his chest. Her tears pouring out heavier than ever.

He looked at her tears, her pain reflecting in his eyes.

He let her cry in silence and spill it all out till she was drained.

Gradually the tears stopped flowing... the rhythm of her sobs breaking his heart and the silence enveloping them.

He cupped her face tenderly in his hands and looked in her eyes. Something tugged hard on his heart.

He kissed her on the forehead "You know you cry like a baby!"

"Hmmmmm....." another tear rolling down her cheek.

He wiped it away softly. " Tigs - there is a reason why I call you that... and you know it"

"Hmmmm..."

"You know, you are not allowed to do this to yourself."

"I know..."

"But you wont stop" his voice gentle, yet firm .

"I don’t know... I'm sorry" and she hid her face in his chest again

"Hmmmmm..." He hugged her again. "It’s ok... I'm here"

If only… you were here today
If only… I could hear you say
Those words that made it all disappear
If only… it helped to pray

Kev, this ones for you…I miss you more than ever... my bestest friend, my strongest pillar of support, my sunshine for all the gloomy days... what do I do without you now?

If only life was fair…

PS: I will be taking a break from blogging after my next post which is the part of my “Forever and For Always series”. I guess I just need to be with myself for sometime. I am scheduling the next post to be published on V-Day. And I am sorry as I won’t be around to catch up on you all for sometime. But I promise to read and catch up on everything before I take a break.

Luv
D

Love - for real

2009-01-31T17:46:00.009+05:30

The day has ended and its time to sleep. She is drained and defeated in her war against herself. But, her last thoughts of the day still reach out to him. Just before she sleeps, there is a small, short prayer that she says in her head... every night...

"I hope you are fine and if you are not, then I hope you will be fine soon. May god bless you. Amen!"

And as she closes here eyes, tears welling up in them, she doesn’t forget to remind herself - "I love him, he loves me not… I love him, he loves me not … I love him… “

…and the worthless drop of saline water starts it never ending journey once again, just like the last night, carrying a prayer that doesn’t reach anywhere, the one that is never answered, but the one that doesn’t dry up like its carrier.

Love - it is
For real - very much

Help Me Fall - By Mark Wills

I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
And letting go with all my might
There's a part of me that's empty
I know only love can fill
I'm afraid I'll never find it
And I'm scared to death I will

Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fall
Help me fall

I've been holding conversations
When I haven't said a word
I've been speaking with my silence
And praying that you heard

I'm a walking contradiction
I'd hate to be my heart
It keeps trying not to love you
But it don't know where to start

Help me fall
Help me fall
If you care for me at all
Help me fall
Help me fall

I've been trying not to love you
I've been putting up a fight
I've been barely holding on
Letting go with all my might

SIGN-ed

2009-01-21T12:36:00.006+05:30

Everyday, Every now and then, every new or old path that I take... I always find these random, hilarious and bizarre sign boards. Most of the times while travelling, especially when I am not driving, reading these sign boards becomes a great source of entertainment. So while I was pondering over what to post on my blog this time, I thought it surely won’t hurt putting it up here and making some of you laugh - though I am guessing everyone will.

- Go soft on my curves
Urmmm!!! Uh!! Urrrr!!! Ok - if you say so!! ….
Now Now Now – just before you let your brain run here and there, I must tell you that it was just a sign board on my way uphill to Dalhousie.

- Outerwear
A brand for winter wear jackets... OMG! OMG! OMG!… thanks for explicitly mentioning it on the OUTER COLLAR of the jacket, cuz otherwise, people would use the jackets as their undies… I must say- great public service!!!

- Fast passenger
But if the passenger is FAST, then why is he boarding the bus... which by the way was hardly moving

- Hard Nipples AC Service
The name guarantees the service, doesn’t it!!!

- Khul Ja Sim Sim

Now this one is surely witty… placed outside an ATM door… absolutely hilllllllarious…isn’t it?

- Dawakhana aaj khulega nahin kyonki aaj band hai
This means that the medical store will not open today because it’s closed today.
Hmmmmmm.... I don’t know what to say to this one!!!

- Yahaan Bhayankar Thandi beer milti hai
Oooooh!!! Dangerously cold beer ahaaan!!! I am definitely scared...

- DANGEROUS: Not to swim
Ah thank god, I know swimming... Do you?

- Pata poochne ke 5 rupaye, aur pate par pahuchane ke 10
Considering this board is so old, this guy must be a millionaire by now. Good business sense and so very inspiring… I think I am also gonna be a living address guide soon!!! LOLz

Also, more often than not, the painters who are given the contract to paint these boards are not educated enough, sometimes not even educated. They end up screwing the spellings and creating a masterpiece just for the pleasure of our eyes.... it’s not just amusing but also pretty exciting to know that ignorance can contribute so much to the entertainment industry!!! Here’s some for your unpaid and tax free entertainment.

- Please be saaf
SAAF!!! Uh oh!!! How did they know that I dint take a bath today??? (Saaf means clean)

- Available for Rant
Oh good, now I have one more profession to fall back on in case I am shown the pink slip...YAYEEEE!!!

- Denjar
Den what jar?? Oh you mean Danger!!! Nice drawing by the way

And my all-time favorite, the winner of all contests is.........

"HUMP AHEAD "
Though it was referring to a speed breaker ahead - but it surely is the only place where most people would not mind slowing down for a "HUMP"... No?

Have you come across one of these lately??? Yes? So what are you waiting for, lemme know, I can really do with some laughter you know :-D

Days of our Lives

2009-01-08T15:56:00.007+05:30

I strongly believe that the days that form our life, are just like our whole life is. It doesn’t always turn out to be the way it starts and neither does it turn out to be what we expect it to be.

Sometimes its not what you wanted but what you get is far better, while other times you want something so desperately that you do anything and everything to acquire it... and yet, all you get is nothing.

Like ever year, this year also my birthday began with a bang. I had actually forgotten that it’s my birthday cuz I was too tired and dazed (thanks to work).

Mom and dad acted like they had slept off and then suddenly they came to my room with a cake and my gifts - a pair of quilted look ballerinas, funky shades and well a special kind of mouth freshener. It was very more than special cuz though they forgot that I do not like cakes - and most of all a pineapple cake - they remembered everything I had checked out in various stores, things that I loved, but still did not buy them cuz I was majorly short on cash in December. You see, I had to save whatever I had for tax declarations - DUH!!!

I really wish it had been that way for the rest of the day. It wasn’t. Flee called, Sis called... and just when I had given up hope - cursing my stupid, fancy, useless, non-ringing mobile – it started blinking and it said “Tarzan Calling” (that’s a nick for one of my friends. Teeheehee)

However, both of my best, closest and oldest friends did not call. I felt sad and I was disappointed. I realized I am too used to being the princess on that day every year and that I wasn’t anymore. I realized that I loved the attention it brought and that I am not in that attention span any more.

I know I know I know – I am not a superstar, but do I really need to be that for people close to me to remember and wish me on my birthday???

It felt like I had lost a lot but never accepted it till it was right there in my face.

It just din feel the same. Well, I am not sad, cuz I know there are people who do care, just that it did not feel the same without the wishes from people who have always been there and have never forgotten, wishing me year after year without fail, following the stupid rituals that I looked forward to every year, despite the fact that I knew what it would be.

But this year, it did not happen. It was not the same. My birthday was suddenly - JUST ANOTHER DAY.

However, Flee, Venky and Tarzan ensured that it wouldn’t become exactly that for me... THANKS A ZILLION TONS ... Really, with all my heart!!!

Flee got me a pair of awesome looking brown suede leather gather look boots, a cute little Christmas hanging and flowers delivered to my house. And she kept wishing me after every 2-3 hours, all through the day... thanks girl, meant a lot.

Tarzan gave me a classy Pierre Cardin watch - now he’s crazy to do that but m not complaining. I simply love the classy thing that it is - formal yet absolutely stylish. THANK YOU :-D … Oh! And how can I forget the south cotton jacket that you sent. AWESOME :-)

Venky, thanks for the cutest and the most adorable greeting card that I have ever received in my life. I promise publicly that you WILL get your ice-cream :P … I know I was bugging you with my list and all that, but I really did not expect you to be sending it all the way here. It was a GOOOOOOOOD surprise and I simply loved it :-)

I got my birthday wishes - warm, cold, formal, fun, loving, fake - all sorts … and at the end of the day, it made me wonder how just one year can change so many things and so many people.

Funny… isn’t it??? Just One Year and Just another day in it!!!

Random Ramblings

2008-12-30T13:45:00.007+05:30

It’s a pointless round table meeting.

No one knows what they are talking about and the ones who know what it is all about are being scolded cuz they don’t seem to know what they are not supposed to know and what is of no consequence to them. And the ones who are questioning them have no clue about anything at all so they are asking random, useless questions, just to make sure the other look like fools.

SIGH!!!! WHERE AM I????

I feel like standing up on the table, stomping my feet hard and shout on top of my voice - Like this - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

But well!!! Whatever... Am making my notes, writing anything and everything.

These days, for some odd reason, I'm literally living on the songs of RNBDJ.

Have seen the movie, it was ok... nothing great...And it soooooo doesn’t happen in real life

But I liked it...maybe cuz I love happy endings. And I am not looking for one... I want one!!!

I am not going to compromise with my chances of having this dream come true... One dream I don’t have the heart to give up on.

It’s scary that in the end I might not have realized my dream and in the meanwhile the dream mite fade away too... but I shall not compromise. I don’t want to. It’s my dream and I want to know what’s in it for me. Even if I end up empty handed…

This one for me is all or nothing.

I am also working on the next part of my Forever and For Always series of short stories.

I feel like something is not right. Something seems to be missing. I don’t know what, but I am desperately looking for it.

I saw Ghajini too. Not a lot of people liked it, I din like it exactly either, but I am an Aamir loyalist and loved a few things about the movie... so all in all it was just about ok.

But as sappy and sickeningly mushy it may sound to some, the footprints are now a part of my things to do list.

For now, I have decided to stop cribbing about things in my life… cuz after a while, anyone and everyone gets bored by it. Things mite not have become better in my life, they actually have become worse, but when I share it with someone and they complain that I crib too much – I just want to tell them that I am sorry I shared it with them - I wasn’t really “CRIBBING” that much… its just true that it sucks that much. I don’t want to be called cribby, cuz I am not and that if it looks like am cribbing then the situation is really that bad. And if you cant understand it, then well good for me, cuz now I know what I should not be sharing with you. So Thanks and Whatever!!!

For Now And Forever - III

2008-12-19T10:30:00.024+05:30

YOU'VE GOT MAIL

Grace looked blankly at her desktop screensaver. The day had been exceptionally dull. It was just one of those days when nothing was right.

"You've got mail!" The screensaver disappeared jolting her back to reality.

"Sigh!!!" Another forward, she thought. But just when she was about to hit the delete button, she noticed the sender's name. Joshua Mackenzie.

She smiled in surprise. Josh never sent her any forwards. So why today? It was one of those mails which said that if you forward it you'll get a surprise in 15 min. She laughed in her head and forwarded it to a few friends as well as Josh.

"You've got mail", her PC speakers sang again in a symphony, exactly after 15 minutes.

It was Josh again. "Did you get the surprise?"

She was amused. Josh sat just two bays away, on the same work floor as her!

"No" She replied

"You've got mail!" She looked at the screen and almost burst out laughing.

The mail said - "Too bad, me neither! Time to go home. Wanna drop?"

She replied - "Ok"

She was more than glad to see Josh waiting for her in the parking. Grace's pet Tanny had delivered the pups just last night. She was completely drained. He could see the shadows of a long night on her face.

They had dinner in their favorite restaurant - The Golden Dragon - and the drudgeries of the day, all seemed to have disappeared in the conversation. It always worked - the restaurant, the tête-à-tête and the company – ALWAYS!

After the dinner, Josh drove quietly to her place, marveling at the warmth radiating from her soft, glowing skin as she spoke about Tanny's new borns.

Just before she opened the car door to leave, Josh said... "So, neither of us got the surprise yet?"

"I know!" Grace smiled at him

"Its not too late you know!" Josh said shifting his glance between her lips and her eyes a couple of times.

Grace looked at him and asked what it meant.

He slowly bent forward and brushed his nose and cheek along hers. Then, he gently pulled her chin towards his lips and allowed his lips to touch hers. He parted his lips slightly and pressed them tenderly over her lips. Grace closed her eyes and savored the most sensual moment of her life- the sensation of his lips on hers. So gentle and so loving, it made her insides melt.

It didn’t feel right... it felt perfect!

And the radio came to life with Lifehouse......

"I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you"

He pulled his head back and their eyes locked in a warm, affectionate gaze.

Josh looked in her eyes, "Your hair looks so soft," and lightly touched the tips of it.

The rose in her cheeks made Josh smile. Grace beamed at him, looking in to his deep black eyes, while Josh reached back over and started stroking her hair.

He leaned down and took a big sniff "Mmmmmmm... you smell good."

Lifehouse continued in the background...

"There's nothing else to lose, there's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world that can change my mind
There is nothing else, there is nothing else, there is nothing else"

"So!!! Was that a good surprise?" Josh said

"DEFINITLY!" She said with a wide grin pasted on her face and stars twinkling in her eyes.

“Just what the doctor ordered! Eh?” Josh smirked and both of them burst out laughing… laughing till their jaw hurt.

Lifehouse faded away slowly...

Just hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment
Hanging by a moment here with you...

What's on the MEN(u) - I

2008-12-07T22:35:00.004+05:30

For long women have been judged by the way they look, the size of their butts and boobs, the length of their hair, the color of their skin, the Oh! sooo pretty hands and feet, the nail paint and the heels and how much do they show on the weighing scale.

But what about men??? What is it ON-MEN that can talk about them?

Here's how to tell

First one and surely my favorite one is THE SHOES - says A LOT. It is seriously the first thing you should always check out :)

SO if he wears formal lace shoes, black in color - he’s surely dependable, responsible, and stable, hopefully with a gooooood job as well. If he has the same pair in brown, ah well - then he is the earthy kinds, honest and straightforward, probably even believes in the old ways of love and romance...WOW!!!

Imagine a guy in croc skin or snake skin leather - the thought itself grosses me out - but well, if u looking for a playboy type cunning man, here’s your chance. Plus he would surely be the high – maintenance, label starving types... Unless of course he's gay!!! And in that case ladies, you don’t stand a chance anyways.

Then there are the ones who wear the biking or the cow boy boots - but have no real clue about any bike and probably haven’t even heard about the wild wild west. This is the type where the testosterone drives everything. And AHEM AHEM, they are not even afraid of going all out to flaunt it. Really!!! would someone please tell them that they are nothing short of RIDICULOUS!!!

And guess what, that’s not it... there are a lot of things to a pair of shoes than just the make, look or texture, like how a man treats his shoes. Shoes, just like relationships, need a hell lot of hard work and attention to maintain them. So if a man keeps his shoes nice and clean, polished and maintained... he probably will keep his relationships the same ways too.

Beyond that, you can also look at how he matches his socks with it... men's socks are like women's lingerie. You won’t wear just about anything, even though no one can see it. And hence, the choice of socks is even more enlightening. How he matches his socks, does he even match them, does the elastic hold, do they stink, does he even wear them... can surely tell you a whole lot of stuff about him.

And for all you girls who are just like me and cant resist buying a good pair yourself when you see one, here is a very important tip - If he can't afford a respectable pair of shoes he certainly can’t afford you... BWUAHAHAHAHA.....!!

More on how to judge a man soon - in the meantime try this out and let me know if it helped.

The Hazel Eyed Boy

2008-12-02T21:07:00.004+05:30

In grade 7th I was still the boy hating person. I hated their guts. They were useless, too hyper and were too secretive about something that I couldn’t figure out then.
So, this hazel eyed boy with an absolutely adorable mop of curly hair would often behave too shy around me. He was apparently the cutest boy in the class.
On this one exam day, he came up to with an entire gang of guys and extends his hand to me “All the best for the exam Shaifali”. I shake his hand and say “you too” with much disinterest. Suddenly the entire gang of guys roared. I was too dumb to even get that! Ok fine, I was a geeky child.

1 year later I got to know he liked me. A lot. My then best friend had scandalized him by saying that I considered him a brother. Oh cmon! Don’t roll your eyes! We have all seen this nonsense of bhai-ship when we were kids! He apparently wrote a suicide letter too.

Not once in all this one year did I come to know. I guess the bhaiship did it for him. He now liked someone else. That kind of pinched me. Why it did was not clear to me back then. I think it was the start of “not looking at guys as dumb creatures”.

Time passed by. I found a F.L.A.M.E.S sheet in his desk one day with my name and his name on it. It had his current crush and his name too. You know what FLAME is. Oh you do you do! You have done it too. Na? Anyway, this was in 9th grade. I would get all the kick in the world to do something better than him. Heh, kiddish stuff.

By 10th grade, I had started to like him. But I was too feisty to confess it. He still liked the other chick. He left school in grade 11th.

We wrote to each other for a long time. We met once that year. He wrote me his address on a tissue paper and ran off. I still liked him.

I would often remember the time we met and smile to myself. Or well talked the first time. That was 5th grade. Some etiquette class it was; telephone etiquettes. Both me and him were called and have a conversation in front of the entire class about a program we watched. That was how we talked the first time.

Mid of grade 12th, the letters stopped coming. I kept writing. But he never replied back. I was angry. But I didn’t let it out.
I got to know in a letter he sent to me in February’2000 that he is seeing someone. He loved her. A lot. Something crashed inside me then. I met him in March’2000. He had changed drastically from what I had known him to be.
He looked consumed. His teeth yellow because of smoking.

The image crashed. I didn’t like him anymore. Not that much.

I liked him for 1 more year after that.
That hazel eyed boy

PS: this is another guest post by my best buddy I fondly call Fali. I know I know I am missing but promise to be back in just one week. PROMISE!!!

WE BLEED JUST TO KNOW WE ARE ALIVE

2008-11-24T16:59:00.005+05:30

Love, I find, is like singing. You can do enough to satisfy yourself, though it may not impress the neighbors as being very much. And interestingly, we never really stop loving someone; we just learn to try to live without them.

I’ve learnt it from one of my friends who helplessly observed his girl-friend got married to another man (who earns four times more than him). Being shattered with his broken heart and left alone to gather those pieces, he decided “enough is enough” and tried to kill himself. But thank God, we could save him at the last minute.

Sometimes I thought why everyone can’t have their first love as the only love, why? But it rarely does work. Someone always leaves, always!

Then I’ve discovered, love isn’t something to acknowledge how others care for us. Love is to acknowledge ourself that we are worthy to live smilingly, no matter what!

The success of love is in the loving—it’s not in the result of loving. Of course, it’s natural in love to want the best from the other person, but whether in turns out that way or not does not determine the value of what we have done.

I know, I know, you’ll say that when a heart breaks, it feels like frozen in the ladder of life—your emotion dries out—you feel that your world stops spinning and all of your pictures seem to fade black and white. And sadly, pleasure of love lasts for a moment, but the pain of love lasts a lifetime.

But suicide?

Maybe suicide can save us permanently from the pain but having pain isn't a temporary problem—isn't? What is suicide? Suicide is simply telling God, “No God, maybe you’re in recession but you can’t fire me—I’m quitting.”

But my friends, you are not the only person in the group who has faced this kind of ultra-loving experience. Let’s have a look:

Bill Gates’ first love, Stephanie Reichel, left him just after seven months of their relationship and married another man. She felt Gates was good for nothing. Now think, if driven by his broken heart, Bill Gates would go straight to the Seattle Tower and jump over from there? Think, how many windows of opportunities would pop up?

Charles Schulz asked his girlfriend to marry him but his girlfriend replied, “Do you think, your cartoonist profession is enough to give me what I want?” And it was that event which inspired Charles Schulz to grow up as the most widely syndicated cartoonist in the history, with work like Peanuts appearing in over 2,600 newspapers in 75 countries. Accordingly the book, “Where Are They Buried?” Charles Schulz’s income during his lifetime totaled more than $1.1 billion. He even gets enlisted amongst the “richest dead celebrity list” by Forbes magazine.

Even our own, Abhisekh Bachchan has faced more brutality when his fiancée Karishma Kapoor broke their engagement and married a “richie-goochie” man. Abhisekh’s fault? At that time, Abhisekh wasn’t enough successful to mark his own name in the industry. Did you ever feel: “Poor Abhisekh?” Come on, it was God’s master plan—maybe He thought “abhi-ash” would sound better than “abhi-kash.” You don’t have any idea of God’s karishma when he is gonna bring ashwarya in your life. Nyaah!

As per the girls are concern, there are Marie Curie, Joan Crawford and Carly S. Fiarina who have tasted the same pain too. It was Curie’s broken relationship that forced her to leave Poland. If she never left Poland and took admission to Paris University (including facing huge adversity), could she ever become the only person to win two Nobel Prizes in different science fields?

And maybe it was the ignorance from her boyfriend for being just a shipping-clerk, made Carly S. Fiorina determined and helped her to become the first women CEO for any blue-chip company.

So it happens, it happened before you, will happen after you but my friends don’t hold you back in the past and spend your memory with sugar-coated tears. Learn to live your life on the truth and keep your head high. Instead of thinking what you have lost; try thinking what you have that other person is losing.

Yes, tell me one thing what you have lost? You have lost the person whom you love most. Now think, what she(he) has lost? She(he) has lost the person who loves her(him) most, right?

Have you ever watched a crab on the shore crawling backward in search of the ocean, and missing? That’s the way our mind operates. All you need is already within you, only you must approach yourself with reverence and love. Your constantly flight from pain and search for pleasure is a sign of love you bear for yourself, so you should make love of yourself. Deny yourself nothing—glue your self-infinity and eternity and discover that you don’t need them, you are beyond.

Yes, don’t waste time thinking what you have missed rather invest that time in such way that someday that person starts thinking, “If I have had acted in EITHER way, if …”

As long as I know how to love

I know I will stay alive

I've got all my life to live

I've got all my love to give

And I'll survive

I will survive.
~ I Will Survive (Gloria Gaynor)

PS: This is a guest blog by one of my blogger friends named Roy - extremely inspiring. If you like this, then try visiting http://www.myspace.com/royarya for some more words of wisdom by him. Thanks Roy, for this awesome post, I am glad it’s on my blog and that too at this particular point of time.

MAKING TIME

2008-11-13T17:33:00.004+05:30

Distance

Issues

Time

Job

Romantic Lives

... and some more

These are the genuine excuses that we all give and get when we must catch up with that one person who knows us the best. But how many times do we make a genuine effort in place of a genuine reason to sustain our bond with the people we feel closest to. Especially when one can grab a quick cell-phone chat while you're stuck in traffic or keep in touch via e-mail or instant messaging. Really, how much time does it take to send an sms or an email... just once a day???

It’s sad that despite all these means readily available, people slowly drift apart... even though our thoughts still go back to the same person time and again and the only remedy to our loneliness is their company.

There have been times when I have been too involved in certain things in my life that I have also given the same excuses and not been in touch. And when I came out of those phases, I found no one there to be by my side... and the 2-3 people who were still there, I knew I am never going to let go of them ever again.

I guess, it’s all about prioritizing... not people - but situations. We all have the limited 24 hours of the day... and it’s out of these 24 hours that we need to make time for everything we need, especially the people. This investment, I believe is the most important and the most rewarding too. To end, all I want to say is that friendship is not a god gifted relationship but it’s a relationship that we chose for ourselves... our extended family that we chose for ourselves and hence it’s up to us to keep it strong. Cuz it’s mutual and I need them as much as they need me... And so I shall "MAKE TIME" - I promise :)

PS: I would like to dedicate this to Kevin – my best friend ever – if god gave me an option to chose between making all my sorrows disappear and getting you back… I would choose to have you back, cuz that my friend, will make the biggest sorrow in my heart and the biggest void in my life vanish automatically. Happy Birthday Kev - May your soul rest in peace!

The wor(L)d is instant

2008-11-04T19:46:00.003+05:30

With the Gen-X genes growing rapidly in the human race, our terms of living and hence our definition of happiness seems to have been drastically upgraded. Yes you read it right - it’s been DRASTICALLY upgraded. And I say so because I believe that unlike an upgraded - "new and improved" version of most products... the definition that we live by today, certainly doesn’t fall in the "IMROVED" category by any means.

Oh! U must have got irritated by now cuz I still haven’t told you what I am talking about. I am sorry I offended your instant gratification cells.

Actually, this is exactly what I am talking about... no offence meant to any one but just my way of making the point - that we live in the world that literally thrives on the word "INSTANT".
Take up anything that’s a major part of a human beings day to day life and you will find it right there in your face.

- FOOD - Ah! I am hungry rite NOW... not an HOUR from now... no patience to go look for a healthier option so better do with the Junk. QUICK!
- Knowledge - Google it, what’s the point going to the library when it’s all on my desktop... RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW!!
- TV/Radio - gone are the days when one would move their butt around to tune and change the TV or Radio channel... now we have a remote control even for a car music player... And guess what, it’s fitted right on my steering wheel... WOOHA!!! No need even to move the hand now, forget about the butt!!!
- Communication - we call it email vs. snail mail... nah, SMS rules...
- Sex - whatever happened to romance and foreplay... it’s all been reduced to instant hit ...Wham Bam Thank you mam!!!

And that’s just not it, most people - just graduating, instantly want everything their parents and grandparents have ... I believe its ok till the time one aspires to have the same amount of money or lifestyle, or the assets... in fact its pretty natural. But it’s hard to digest when they want to compete with the same amount of experience and respect that the old bunch has worked a lifetime to acquire.

And I am not discounting myself from any of these useless and addictive ways of life... More often than not, even I Want it ALL - Right here right now (except for romance u know... I am just that eternal mush pot!!! Hard to agree Fali but u have always been rite about it while I have always been denying it :D)

All I wish is that the Gen-X (INCLUDING ME) can do away with our ways of overindulging in activities with immediate rewards, lest we succumb to the adverse effects of the associated delayed costs and end up regretting.

THAT THING CALLED LOVE

2008-10-30T01:40:00.008+05:30

Love is when you are the one and all for each other - a parent when the other half needs the selfless caring, a teacher when the other half needs guidance, a friend when the other half needs assurance, a critique when the other half needs to be corrected - a mirror for all your emotions.
Love is about reaching out and putting a smile on others face.

Love is the unconditional emotional investment that we make in our other halves.

Love is when you smile for no reason.
Love is the fondness, the attachment that you feel - the one that tells you that you will never let go.

Love is the reassurance that someone is always there - JUST FOR YOU.

Love is when you know that there are better people out there but your other half is the best for you.

Love is when you feel like two hands, fitting perfectly in to each other cuz they fill the gaps in each other's fingers perfectly.

Love is what stretches your soul to new horizons.

Love is when you are not just comfortable but in love with yourself - cuz your other half loves you.
Love is when you FEEL beautiful.
Love is when nothing is complete without that one person - that special someone
Love is when every kiss feels like the first kiss.

But all that glitters is not gold... Rite?

Love is like a coin - heads u win, tales you lose - you decide if you wanna toss or just keep it in your pocket and play it safe.
And god forbid if its Tales - well then the whole world seems to fall apart.
Your heart n your head declare the third world war against each other.
You don't just feel like trash but your minds stinks like it too.
You feel lonely even if you are standing in the middle of the Dalal Street
It feels like someone has sucked life out of you and you live like a programmed robotic creature - feels like the purpose of your life is over.
Life becomes a puzzle - where some pieces don't fit and the other's just go missing
When your tears run dry, but the pain does not.
Days are longer and time starts to crawl.
And all you feel is NUMB.

Sometimes, FOREVER also means Goodbye!

SO what do you think love is like.... whats your experience and whats your definition. You think its worth all the pain? You think it over rated? Have you been there done that and would you still wanna jump in to it? Would you like to know how it feels to be loved at the risk of knowing how it feels to be hurt AGAIN?

Lets see what you gotta say!!!

MAYBE...

2008-10-25T15:21:00.008+05:30

Its the festive season again... the season of celebrations and good wishes for just about everyone. And like the old and "WISDOMIS" would say - a season of miracles. But after 25 damned years of prayers after prayers not being answered, I wonder if I should continue hoping for a miracle again this time around.

Now Now Now - am not sad or complaining. I am pretty satisfied with what all I have in life, I acknowledge it all and I am extremely grateful to mom, dad, sis n all my friends cuz they have made my life so much better than so many people. Its just that right here - right now, no ones around and nothing is right.

So here goes my last prayer for myself, if its not fulfilled then I guess I will make peace with whatever it is and whatever it has to be. Maybe someone somewhere needs the miracle more than I do. Maybe there are NO miracles at all for me. Maybe miracles don't exist. Maybe....

For the rest of you... Have a Safe and Happy Diwali!!!
With Loads of Love

PS: M sorry I have not been around, just too many things to deal with right now - but shall catch up soon. Till then - Take Care and Keep Blogging!!!

Over and Out

2008-10-16T20:45:00.004+05:30

NOTE: This is a long one, so all I want to say is read on ONLY if you care.

Just about a year back, a really really close friend of mine tried hard to make me understand that my happiness depends totally on my frame of mind. And as much as it may be regulated by external factors, the strength to overcome it lies inside me. The strength that comes from realizing and accepting the fact that as much as we may believe that we have our life under control, we don’t; that we are not responsible for everything that happens in our life - both good and bad; that there are things beyond your capability, control or obligations.

But the stubborn ass that I am, I just refused to agree and continuously kept hurting myself by blaming myself for everything that went wrong, running after the whys and the hows. I kept running after finding proof for something that I already knew by logic but my heart wouldn’t believe. In the end, when I had ample proof to justify my logic, it was already too late to get back everything I had lost in that process.

And so, I learnt that the best we can do under these conditions is to Let Go.

It’s not an easy task. In fact, it’s probably one of the hardest things to do. But it’s surely the most liberating. It took me the worst 2 years of my life till date to realize it but it’s also been the most enriching experience. It’s made me more humane than ever. Its made me more forgiving and non-judgmental than ever before since I now understand that just like me, everyone else is equally powerless and has no control over the ever changing situations and the people amidst those situations.

Why am I suddenly talking about this? cuz I am standing at yet another personal crossroad in my life where I must let go of someone, someone really close to my heart, someone I love a lot, someone I genuinely care about, someone who means the world to me, someone I'd do anything for. Someone who I have tried letting go of but just like Phoebe said to Monica, that person clawed the way back.

But it’s also someone who doesn’t care, someone who doesn’t understand and doesn’t even try to see the other side, someone to whom I mean nothing. Someone who’s never been there for me. Someone who’s all talk and no cock. And hence it’s in my best interest to let go.

And so, I must practice myself - what I have learnt and what I preach.

I don’t think that person will be reading it ever, but all I want to tell that person is that am not even sorry anymore... I can’t go on like this; I don not want to suffer anymore. I don’t blame you cuz you are who you are and there are so many things that are not under your control either. Cuz I know that you are not heartless and its not that you are a bad person, it’s just that it’s not in your heart for me. And unfortunately I am not the “Waiting” and the “Chasing” kind.

I don want to waste my energy on blaming you or myself or the situation, I just want to make the most of myself and my life. And so, I NEED to let go, I MUST let go. I can not have all I want, custom made to my desire, so I'd rather enjoy what I have and who I am.

Its not that I don’t cherish you, I really do. It’s just that I'd rather cherish myself too. Its not that I don’t have it in me to give my all to you. It’s just that I've already given too much and now I'd rather save the rest of it for myself than go bankrupt. Its not about how much I love you, it’s just about how I love myself too.

Cuz letting go is not about denying, but about accepting things as they are. And so I must.

At the same time my heart pulls me in a totally opposite direction. Cuz it’s like throwing away a piece of my heart, and probably the most treasured and the most important one. It asks me to stick on and stay and so I know its not going to be simple. It’s certainly going to be painful and demanding. Cuz it’s not going to be me. Cuz the affection I feel still pulls me to you. Cuz I am just too fond of you to not care anymore. And the way I am - Friendship is something I don’t let go of easily, just like that.

But like I expressed once earlier as well in a post - sometimes in order to be yourself, you have to stop being yourself. So as much as I don’t want to, I must say - OVER AND OUT - and my heart shall say it soon too.

The song that my heart’s humming currently is Almost by Mark Wills and here is how it goes:

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, baby
Didn't I, didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gotta find somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no-doubt to be-there kind
You came real close
But every time you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back
From the cruel, cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya 'round
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

For Now And Forever - II

2008-10-07T10:35:00.009+05:30

PS: I LOVE YOU

Josh strolled silently towards the river. He could hear the water flow.... dancing to its own rhythm, flowing like an elegant performer, reflecting turbulence and tranquility in tandem.

He spread a sheet right next to THE tree, alongside the river shore and cozied it up with a warm blanket. He lay there staring blankly at the sky, seeking something, without blinking. He closed his eyes for a while, trying to recall what he was searching for, trying to capture what it was that felt amiss.

He opened his eyes to a dark night sky with a thin crescent moon. It was clear and sparkling with stars, exactly what he wanted. He smiled and closed his eyes again trying to go through his plan once again.

She looked at him mystified and asked him "And why are we here?”

They used to come there often but NEVER in the middle of the night. Unlike every weekend that they spent together catching up on movies, talking, driving, backpacking, trekking, cooking, kissing, cuddling and making love... this time he chose to drive her to the place where they had met for the first time. This was exactly where Tanny, her 10 months old pug, was rescued from drowning in the river by a handsome stranger - now her best friend and her perfect mate too.

He smiled at her. "Come here! Sit down and wait"

She quietly sat next to him speculating why he was being so secretive. It was so unlike him.

Just then, the spark in her tangential view took her completely by surprise.

"There!" she shouted, gesturing so swiftly that her head nearly hit the tree.

A band of luminous white glow shot overhead and vanished, so ephemeral that it seemed scarcely an afterimage on his eyes.

A second meteor emerged in the sky - like a line drawn with fire, uncanny in its absolute silence. "Another!" she pointed in amazement.

That is when she realized that it was a meteor-shower night. Soon the stars were flying their magic dust across the black sky. It looked like as if golden and silver water sprays were cascading downwards from far away in the sky leaving a trail of sparks. The sky looked like a gallery of bright flash bulbs falling one by one as silver stars wriggled and swam away from the sky in a silent mesmeric dance.

He knew this was the moment and so right under the spectacular celestial light, he held her hand and said "Grace, I love you"

She looked at him as hot tears rolled down her cheeks, wetting the collar of his shirt. She knew what she wanted to say but she did not expect her dream to realize so soon. It all seemed like a reverie, an illusion... she was at loss of words. She felt like she was in a trance. A thousand thoughts ran through her head in that one second and she stood there perplexed with her tears flooding her eyes.

Standing up and gathering her sobbing body into his arms Josh said "Sugar, I just want you... right here... just like this... next to me always!" He caressed her cheeks, wiping her tears away. “I love you honey, I really do"

The warmth in his words melted all her fears away and she laid her head on his chest, pressing her head into the crook of his neck. He enveloped her in his arms without more ado and placed a soft kiss on her delicate cheek, entwining his hands into his soft brown hair. He smiled and said "Oh now look what you did to my Gracy! You smudged all her kohl... not fair"

She smiled softly up at him "Josh… I love you too!"

…and they lay their watching the cosmic down pour in its full glory.

He opened his eyes again; he had found what he was searching for. It was this moment that he wanted to relive - the most precious moment of his life – the most cherished and the most haunting. He had never felt so much love in all his life.

His vision blurred as he lay there reliving the most joyous moment of his life once more - sans Grace, sans love – but the down pour deep inside his heart.

Hmmmmm

2008-10-01T00:21:00.004+05:30

Electrodes firing away,
Thoughts galore, myriad...
No tire to stop it,
No weariness to fade...
Unstoppable is it?
Query myself I...
Unnerving it is but,
My emotions belie...
Going through these motions,
These pangs of introspect...
Making me look back,
Reverie, retrospect...
Etched, pictorial memories,
& those uncapturable moments at play...
Rewind / fast fwd in my head,
& dusk dawns on another day.

PS: this is Guest Post… my dear friend AJ has written this one and would like you to suggest a nice Title for this one. And well, the winner shall be posted along with my next post… This is his first blog post ever and I am already lurrrrving it!!! Send in your comments and AJ says he will reply to it :)

Passionately Yours

2008-09-27T23:28:00.003+05:30

Living but not alive.
Not sad, not crying... but not happy either
Having fun... but not enjoying
Missing the zing from life – missing what’s called passion

To be passionate means to live from your center – from your Heart'n'Soul. And we all need this centre to live our lives and not merely exist… for our heart to pound with excitement and our spirits to soar higher.

But whilst we are lost in our daily humdrum, caught in the cobwebs of our own cowardice, our own fear of letting go of what is deemed normal and is socially acceptable... we forget to consider what is more likely to provide us the experiences of passion - What holds us back or what sets us free?

We forget that it’s not dependent on the level of involvement but on ones engagement in the activity and hence it's a life accessible to all of us.

By no means do I mean or am suggesting that it’s easy to go after what one wants and feels passionate about. In fact, I believe that pursuing ones true passion takes courage, since it often means deserting our fears and parting with situations we find comfortable... letting go of the "Normal" and the "Rational" and moving towards the unknown where there is only one thing u can be sure about - uncertainty.

And so I believe that people who are living their passion are the luckiest souls alive and I also believe that the credit for their happiness is solely their property.

We all have that core within us, that passion within us... it’s just a matter of some introspection and some realization.

And for me, it’s Dance… the reality dawned on me long back and like one of my friends said “Divkiran needs to dance to be happy”… she was bang on.

Dance is the core of my all. What I wish I could pursue... what I so can not. What I can never let go... what I will always indulge in.

Dance for me is a language to explore who I am in the middle of this mysterious thing called life as it brings me in tune with who I really am.

Dance for me is courage and inspiration - to claim my life cuz it’s my own... to break my barriers and shed my inhibitions to be myself.

Dance is my source of the most cherished and extraordinary moments, the ones filled with pure bliss. Its only when I am dancing, that I have experienced the unadulterated happiness.

Dance for me is my dream that I see everyday and yearn to live every single moment.

For most people it’s something they do, for me it’s who I am.

PS: Would like to dedicate this to one of my really close friends and one of the best people I know, cuz he is the most passionate person I have ever come across – HA, this ones for you, Hugz & Muahz… may god bless you always.

SIGH!!!

2008-09-24T01:14:00.011+05:30

Heyla Pplz...

For all those who asked me bout the devil award... here u can have a look!!!

HU HU HAA HAA HAA
I feel like doing it again so here...
HU HU HAA HAA HAA

No update for some time now, I know I know!!!

HA complains that I am not writing stuff I am good at... Attaboy complains that I have vanished... Sim says shes missin me... Yogi says I don even talk to her

I say - SIIIGGHHH!!! Trust me guys, I don like it either :"( ... But what to do... mez gotta deadline on thursday... its 1:30 in the nite n mez workin rite now... me wants to put my thoughts where they ought to be - rite here on ma blog... me wants to be where I ought to be, with you all here in blogville...

So I say again... SIIIIGHHH!!!

No worries, I promise to upload something this weekend for sure... but the worst part is - I don get to read either .... UUUUUHUUUUUUHUUUUUUUUHUUUUUUU
***makes a sad face n sighs again
CHOW Pplz... cya around
Luv
D

And the Oscar Goes To....

2008-09-18T10:42:00.009+05:30

Yo Peeeeplz!!! It’s the award ceremony time so PPLZ get your thank you speech ready...

But But But...Pehle meri baari!

First the Civilized reaction - I have received so many awards and I am so so so thankful for the appreciation... really feel honored cuz its coming from people who I admire myself. I would like to thank X and Y and Z and blah and blah. Ok forget it, I am tired myself ;P

Now the absolute me - The mini mouse reaction - YAYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, AHAA AHAA... OYE HOYE HOYE... OH BALLE BALLE BALLE!!!

And now after the special performance by ME, we shall start with the proceedings. Well, I thought cuz u have done so much for me and on top of that I have not been able to pass it on to anyone for SOOOO long... I thought I will create my own... Non passable ones... MWUAHAHAAHHHHHAAA (wicked DIVI)

Ok srry srry... basically I did this cuz I wan only my blog friends to have it :) ... I don want to share you with anyone.... PERIOD :D
SO HERE WE GO

The Dil Se Blogger award

...goes to Arv, Peter, Vinu, Samby, Gunj, Arun, Venky, Roy, Lena, Fali , Deb, Aneesh

The Rockin Riter Award

... goes to Sam, Vinu, MIP, Jane, Cindy

The Smart Kiddie Award - for my super super sweet hearts

... goes to Aayushi, Priya, Meghna, Samby, Vishesh

The Suppa-Wumman award

... goes to Keshi, Cindy, Ani, Jane, Fali

Sweet-as-Sugar

... goes to Sam, Smaby, Gunj

OH WAIT WAIT... last but definitely not the least... The Devil Award

Goes to......................... MEEEEEEEEEEE... HU HU HA HA HA

THNK YOU THNK YOU THNK YOU

DISTURBIA

2008-09-13T22:50:00.004+05:30

Please read with caution. The content may be disturbing

25 killed and 100 seriously Injured... and there are more yet to be found

5 bombs blasts... 4 defused... and there are more

Three of my favorite places in Delhi ruined... just like that

Shock ... Trauma ...Pools of blood ... humans reduced to a debris of nothing

I call everyone I know and Its scary cuz I cant reach most of them.

I had a strong intuition about something being wrong. I was terrified as I could not reach my bro. My brother and his family just escaped the gaffar market explosion. I am happy he did.

Mom was adamant about going to CP today. I was acting lazy and she threatened me she would go alone. I am glad we didn't go. For the first time in my life, I am happy she gave up on me.

I turn on the TV

She lies there in red kurti and orange salwar, all stained with blood - her face covered with her duppatta.

He sits there, unable to get up, too much pain and blood lost and not enough energy to ask for help. But he manages to raise a hand and call for someone.

A camera zooms in on him capturing his helplessness, and I wonder what kind of a person this cameraman is? How heartless he must be cuz he did'nt seem to think that its important to help the injured first!

I suddenly feel guilty of being relaxed and happy cuz there are so many people who did not escape. Cuz there family will never see them again.

A 10 year balloon seller is being harassed by media and police cuz he mite have seen the terrorists.

I see a woman crying, trying hard to hold her fort. She's a mother to a 25 year old who has lost his leg forever, who is lying on a hospital bed with blood all over him, who is smiling cuz he knows his mother will be shattered to see him in pain.

And to that - Home Minister says, lets not make it a political issue... we cant save "all citizens", we are "justifiably helpless".

But at the same time I see two very brave NSG men trying to diffuse a live bomb, risking their life for the sake of our lives.

They say we don't need a new law or force to stand against this terrorism. They say the existing laws are good enough.

I say, F**k your damn law... cuz it also says oral sex is prohibited and I am sure you must be getting some action like that for sure. If I forget to pay my taxes, would I be spared then cuz "all citizens" cant be tracked? If someone kicked you in your ass and shot you or your relatives, would you be "justifiably helpless" then?

To all those who are responsible for this - the ones who did it and the ones who were responsible for preventing it but could not - may you never have to face such a situation but kindly do not belittle someone else's pain and loss cuz unless you are in their shoes, you will never know how hard they bite and the scars they leave forever. Thank you very much for not being there.

Poop-Pee Training

2008-09-12T11:23:00.012+05:30

In my post about my disastrous visit to Kochi, I mentioned clearly that I am scared of water. Yeah yeah yeah... I'm alive n kicking despite the flooding bath tub that seemed like a monster waiting just to gobble me up and achieve nirvana!!! Anyone who wants to know how to counter the situation plz remember NOT to contact me, cuz I don know how I survived.... REALLY!!

But there’s something else that I am absolutely terrified of and that too - much much much more than water... It’s the stranger loo usage phobia... SEE... even the name is creepy. I know I sound like a crazy lady after my drowning-in-the-bathtub nightmare, but I AM NOT paranoid about the public rest rooms ok! And for that matter even when some sloppy relatives visit our home.

I don’t understand how they do it really. I don’t understand why it’s so hard for certain people to flush a toilet and prepare it for the next person's use? Don’t they have the common sense to know that failing to flush results in an unbearably disgusting stench in the restroom. Or maybe they flushed the common sense itself!

Then there's the breed of losers who don’t know the difference between an Indian and a Western loo. PEOPLE... you need to understand that a western toilet seat is NOT... I repeat it’s NOT an Indian toilet and you DO NOT... again I repeat you DO NOT sit with your feet on the edges!!! STOP SQUATTING on western toilets!

And then there are the Men ... the ones who need to know that the world maybe their pee pee place but not the guest loo's in someone else’s house or the common public restrooms. It’s not like they are out their in the open and can swing it whichever way they want!!! Guys kindly FOCUS... TARGET and SHOOT!!!

Don worry, M not gender biases. Cuz I am not too fond of the women who think that wadded up, soggy, blood soaked and stinky sanitary pads look better on the floor or better still INSIDE the shit pot... IT’S A SHIT POT...NOT A PAD POT. UFFFFFF. Ladies: Please read the instructions on your sanitary napkin packs... and in case you cant, read this - it says "DO NOT FLUSH"... Stop clogging the drainage for god's sake!!!

Another thing that I don understand about ladies loo is the drips on toilet seat!!!! And trust me, this one's like a biiiiiiig mystery. Is there some specific reason behind this that I don’t know of? Or are men secretly using the ladies loo? Hmmmmmmmm.....

Oh and my favorite breed of people, especially the relatives... the ones who forget to shit at home and come all the way to shit at my place... the ones who flush the toilet and walk out simultaneously. They NEVER check the bowl after they flush and leave behind the ghastly ruins of their previous meal for other people's viewing pleasure. I have no words to thanks them for providing us with such a magnificent vision, that too in my own house... how talented they must be!

Its funny how in our kiddy days we all get the same POOP-PEE Training... we all learn how to sit on the toilet seat, do our business, clean ourselves and then push the magical silver handle that makes our creation vanish into that dark little hole. But as some of us grow up, looks like their toilet etiquettes also go down the same dark hole...

So if you are one of them - then be a slob at YOUR home NOT mine and kindly spare the public restrooms too.

HAPPY HIGH

2008-09-06T16:47:00.010+05:30

I still remember my first board exam - 10th standard, peer pressure, social pressure and well the self-pressure of performing well. I had studied and prepared well but I was still extremely nervous and highly anxious. I could hear my heart pumping loudly. My best friend's examination centre was not the same as mine but he knew how I would be feeling. So he came to meet me and hand "it" over to me. He knew I needed "it" to feel better. I couldn’t be more thankful!

I consumed "it" for not more than a minute and it felt like I am in a different world all together. My heart calmed down. I was neither nervous nor anxious anymore. Instead, I felt nice and mellow. A sheepish grin was plastered on my face and I felt like I am dreaming. I could hear music in my head. I looked at my friend thankfully, gave him a peck on his cheek and returned "it" to him.

Since then, "it" is the one thing that keeps me going in all circumstances. Just need a trusted source to provide "it" for me. It’s the feeling that "it" generates... the one of total euphoria.

HOLD ON HOLD ON!!! Don’t let the horses of your imagination too lose. It’s not the pot, the alcohol or the white stick... it’s more potent than any of these things. It’s a medicine for every illness - mental or physical. No other medicine works without it, and when everything fails - "it" still makes things better than they are. AH! The happy high it gives me.

They call it "The HUG Therapy"; I call it "The Human Touch"... after all, what comes from a heart, reaches a heart and the heart is what keeps us alive!!!

And I am dedicating this post especially to Samby, Sam, Arv, Keshi, and Nai...wtever happened shouldn’t have, but it also showed the amount of affection and concern blogville has... Goes to show how it doesn’t matter how you came to know sumone, if you have ever seen them or not, its really just what the heart feels - direct dil se!!

I - ME - MYSELF

2008-09-03T19:09:00.002+05:30

I am a consultant...with a dancer's soul trapped inside me. True happiness for me is defined in that one moment when the performance defined and designed by me ends, the spotlight freezes and the audience forgets to applaud...yes you read it right!!! Audience forgets to clap in the awe. I wish for the reward of silent admiration generated from the spell of creativity that’s en caged in the confines of my mind.

I am struggling to trap it further and get on with my life, but the dancer fights back. It raises its head once in a while and I succumb to the temptation.

And then the realities of life dawn on me. Every time I open my eyes I see myself stuck in a world where I don’t belong.

So where do I belong then? I don’t know... but I do know what it would be like. I know what I want!

I want to be myself.
I want to setup a performing arts academy...that teaches various dance forms, both Indian and International...cuz I did not have access to it when I wanted to learn
I want to have the courage to fall in love again and share my life with someone.
I want to trust in friendship again, I want to believe that the goodness of human heart still exists
I don’t want to feel empty anymore... I feel lonely but I don’t want to be with anyone either. Ugh! I sound strange now, but I don’t mind
I want to blow bubbles and chase after them again, just like I did when I was a little girl
I want to dance in the rain, splash in a puddle
I want a small house on a beach in Goa...so that I can’t retire there.
I want a cafe of my own...D's Corner...just like central perk...where you will get to listen to retro music and get to watch popular and classy series like FRIENDS

My patience is running out, I don’t want to chase after anything or anyone but my own dreams. I want to save my patience. I want things and people to chase after me... lol
I want a life partner who’s a friend, someone who listens, someone I can grow old with.
I want to adopt a daughter and I want to call her Trusha
I want a golden retriever and I want to call it either Joey or Phoebe
I no more want to feel bad about showing you the mirror and tell you that you have disappointed me. I don’t want to feel bad about hurting the ones who have hurt me. I don’t want revenge, but want to be strong enough to let go and tell them that they are not what they portray and I know… I just tend to give them the benefit of doubt. I don’t want to anymore.
And for all the real "Friends" I have, I want them all right besides me, present right here right now... I don’t like distances...It feels like a black screen and I don’t know what’s happening on the other end.
I want to learn to lie and deceive... not cuz I want to, but cuz sometimes it’s necessary to deceive others and lie to them in order to shield myself from them, to not be perpetually vulnerable to all and sundry.
I want to see the whole world...all nooks and corner. That ways I get to meet you all as well. Would be so much fun!!!
I care, I understand... but now I want to be understood as well. I want to stop caring, cuz too much of it doesn’t seem worth it anymore.
I am a happy person, but with time it’s becoming harder and harder to stay this ways... I don like being unhappy, makes me sick inside... and its got nothing to do with things like job, love, money, friends, myself - nothing. I know how to smile in the worst of the situations and I want to stay that ways. I don want to lose it`.
I want to laugh again, direct dil se and not just on the surface. Haven’t REALLY laughed in a long time. I miss it. My friends used to call me crazy and used to ask me to stop it. They said it was infectious... but not anymore. I want to laugh again just like that
Genuine, Genuine, and Genuine - I am tired of hearing that word, over and over and over again... I don’t want to be called that anymore. Cuz people first say they admire it and then they use it against me to hurt me instead!
I want to have more time to read, to sleep, to be with myself and to explore what interests me, not what others expect me to.
I want to blog more often... not once a week, but once a day.
I want to live, just like I want, just the way I am meant to and not lose myself somewhere in the daily grind.
I want to die the way I am, smiling and with the stone on my grave saying – “A Human SMILES in peace here”

Is it too much to ask for? I don’t want everything, just my peace of mind... and well it will come on its own if I have all this...Just this much!!! ;D

Ah!nother TAG

2008-09-02T14:50:00.013+05:30

You know every time I get Tagged... despite the fact that some part of my brain says - "Oh! one more....skip it skip it!” I still end up doing it. Why? ... well, cuz though my works eating away all my time, these small things really really make me enjoy my time. It’s so much fun to steal a little time away from the senseless looooooong meetings and go in the stealth mode to access blogville. Its pure bliss!!!

Keshi - Thanks for tagging me on this one. Made me think of so many wonderful books that I have read and so many things they teach us. I simply LOVED reviving my memory about all the characters and the events.

Rules are
- Jot down 5 of your favorite quotes from the various books you've read,
- Tag 5 people at the end

I am gonna go a step further, and mention the quotable quotes which are on top of the looooong list that I have. So here I go : -

How frequently, in the course of our lives, the evil which in itself we seek most to shun, and which, when we are fallen into, is the most dreadful to us, is oftentimes the very means or door of our deliverance, by which alone we can be raised again from the affliction we are fallen into. - Robinson Crusoe

Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. - Winne the Pooh

A day is like a whole life. You start out doing one thing, but end up doing something else, plan to run an errand, but never get there... Your whole life has the same shape as a single day. - Jurassic Park

Generally, by the time you are real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all; because once you are real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand. - The Velveteen Rabbit

All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others. - Animal Farm

If we want things to stay as they are, things will have to change. - The Leopard

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to heaven, we were all doing direct the other way--in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only. - A Tale of Two Cities

Chance has put in our way a most singular and whimsical problem, and its solution is its own reward. - The Adventure Of The Blue Carbuncle (Sherlock Holmes)

Any truth is better than indefinite doubt. - The Yellow Face (Sherlock Holmes)

If all records told the same tale — then the lie passed into history and became truth - 1984

Evil is impotent and has no power but that which we let it extort from us. - Atlas Shrugged

Rationality is the recognition of the fact that nothing can alter the truth and nothing can take precedence over that act of perceiving it. - Atlas Shrugged

It's said that the worst thing one can do to a man is to kill his self-respect. But that's not true. Self-respect is something that can't be killed. The worst thing is to kill a man's pretense at it - Fountainhead

It takes two to make a very great career: The man who is great, and the man-- almost rarer-- who is great enough to see greatness and say so." - Fountainhead

Independence is the only gauge of human virtue and value. What a man is and makes of himself; not what he has or hasn't done for others. There is no substitute for personal dignity. There is no standard of personal dignity except independence. Altruism is the doctrine which demands that man live for others and places others above self - Fountainhead

Never hate your enemies. It clouds your judgment – Godfather

I'm gonna change. I'll change. I've learned I have the strength to change. - Godfather

'Who are you?' said the Caterpillar.
This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, 'I — I hardly know, sir, just at present — at least I know who I was when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.'
'What do you mean by that?' said the Caterpillar sternly. 'Explain yourself!'
'I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir' said Alice, 'because I'm not myself, you see.'
'I don't see,' said the Caterpillar.
'I'm afraid I can't put it more clearly,' Alice replied very politely, 'for I can't understand it myself to begin with; and being so many different sizes in a day is very confusing.' - Alice in wonderland

Ayn Rand’s Fountain Head and Atlas Shrugged as well as The Godfather (I call it the god of all books) are my all time favorite books and hence more quotations out of them :D

To end with, I’d like to mention a quote that truly expresses the connect that we have with each other through this lovely place called blogville:

Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs, breaking the shackles of time, allowing us to voyage through time. – Cosmos

And I am going to Tag - Venky, Shaifali, Biplab, Sudeshna, and Mayank - simply cuz thy r my least active blogger friends AND AND AND... Sachi on special request.

Reviving the faith

2008-09-01T16:17:00.004+05:30

Sorry guys, been busy with work.

But m back now and here are the answers that enlightened me, made sense to me and made me see the logic :-

Keshi - And even if it took me to a wrong/sad place, I BELIEVE it's meant for me. Cos Instincts is the only natural map in life that I have been gifted with, so I follow it RELIGIOUSLY. And I have total faith in that, cos it dun hv conditions that limit me. It only tells me of real things. To me, thats God.
***I wish I could do the same. Listen to my inner voice all the time and let it take me through.

Sol - What is essential is to live life COMPLETELY.
***now this is somethin i really believe in

Hobo - I sometimes pass my inner-voice and I am wrong but yes I try to stick to it but the duration of inner-voice is too less
***yes, I do ignore that voice too often too

Cindy - What matters is holding onto it just a lil longer just when you think you cant no more. Nd its in those macro seconds of an extra effort for endurance comes the moment of redemption.
***holding on girl, holding on J…. You put it so well

Lena - And having doubts is a natural state of human mind. Without doubts there is no moving forward.
***Bang on! If I don’t doubt what I see, I will never know if my belief is right or wrong, I will never know if I need to hold on to it stronger or just let go

Comfortable Numb - What is it that you have COMPLETE faith in?
My aspirations/dreams.
Why do you have so much faith in it?
Cos nothing else in this world guarantees me a place in the world I want for myself.
***you gave a totally new meaning to this question :)

Sameera - the flame never died, though it flickered
***summarized perfectly :)

Aneesh - you mentioned faith....I was wondering how could I forget that. Fate indeed is something I believe in. Which I could write it at least for myself! ;p

Vinu and Samby - thanks a lot for sharing all that you did with me on this post. Your comments really really touched me and made me think in a way that I did not earlier. God bless you both and may you never be short of happiness! Made my faith in nice people stronger…cuz you did not need to get personally involved in making me feel better, but you did

Rajesh - Faith is spiritualized imagination
***Just loved tht line, what a quote!!!

Priya J- I just want to say faith hasn't to hav reason but ur reason has to have faith.
***food for thought, and coming from a girl as young as you, I couldn’t help smiling and thinking that kids these days are not even close to being as bad as they are made to be. Lovely!!!

Wollgathering - Y this craving?
***another food for thought, will let u know if I find the answer.

And lastly, what Roy said - You know -- people do keep faith every day, they just don't recognize it. It’s FAITH that helps you to think, your friends will read this post & comment you back

You guys totally proved him rite... Love ya all so much...Bless Ya :D

To end this post I will used Deb's words - Feel ur faith.. rise.. all ova again !

A Matter of Faith

2008-08-28T02:05:00.008+05:30

Today, I was driving back from work... late at night and there was hardly any other vehicle on the road. It was scary and yet I did not feel like going home. I just wanted to drive and go along with the road instead. There was nothing on my mind. I felt numb, lifeless and drained of all my emotions and energy. Nothing happened to make me feel this ways. Except for the fact that I had a long hard day, it was good. In fact a little better than the usual days at work. So i don't know why I felt this ways, but I did. I realised I need to visit that one place, the only place that invokes a sense of inner peace in me and so I did. And it worked too, it really did!

Its Bangla Sahib Gurudwara in Delhi. No no no, I am not a religious person at all. My concept of religion is very different and I shall leave that topic for some post some day. But I do owe it to my religious background and my family to have introduced me to this place. The vast expanse of sparkling white marble, the golden dome and detailed carvings, the small silent pond and the calm and quiet fishes in it... Siiiiiiggggghhhhh!!!! All kinds of people come here... all sects, all status, all religions.. just about everyone.

What struck me today especially was a lady rite in front of me who couldn't walk properly. She was very very old and couldn't bend her knees. So to do something as simple as sitting down - she had to first bend from her waist, place her hands on the floor, lie down on her stomach, turn to her side while bending her legs inwards from the waist and then sitting up. She still took the pain to come all the way, without any one's help and all alone at 11:30 PM in the night. There must be something about this place, or the religion, that her faith in it is so strong. I have seen too many people doing 'Seva' (service) there. The richest of women clad in the designer clothes and diamond jewellery swipe the floor while the men who drive Mercedes and BMW's serve by taking the visitor's shoes and keeping them in stands. I have seen people getting their new borns here directly from the hospital, even before he/she is taken home, when doctors strictly advice them to keep the infant away from public places. People standing in hot sun and serving water to other visitors, people cleaning the left overs and the "Langar" plates with their own hands and people drinking water from the pool meant for washing the visitor's feet.

I admit, I have never done anything there, I just visit once in a while. I don't have the reason I guess.

What is it about this place or the religion that they need to do all this? I believe its their faith - blind or otherwise. It made me think how I have faith in nothing anymore. How my belief system is not that strong anymore. And that there is nothing and no one that I truly truly have faith in and believe in. Yes I do have faith in certain people and certain ideals, but I don't have COMPLETE FAITH even in myself anymore. Some faith and belief, here and there...but nothing more nothing less. I don't COMPLETELY believe in Love, Friendship, Life, Family, Religion, Hard Work....nothing at all. Everything seems to have exceptions attached to it! Maybe I am too skeptical, Maybe I have seen only exceptions, Maybe I myself am an exception. But whatever it is, there is really nothing that I have complete faith in - no person, no relation, no concept, no ideal - Nothing.

SO you tell me now....

What is it that you have COMPLETE faith in?

Why do you have so much faith in it?

Are there really no exceptions that have challenged your faith?

And if not have you never thought about these exceptions?

And if yes, how do you stick to your faith without faltering?

Lemme know - Lemme know what you think, and I will try picking up the answers that make me rethink about my belief system and put it up in my next post :)

Sho-E-paholic

2008-08-21T17:17:00.008+05:30

When I see you in the window, my heart skips a beat and you make me feel reckless and out of control till I possess you.

I can’t sleep; I can’t eat cuz your image is stuck in my mind.

I have a lot of you, but I want some more....actually not some, but all that I like.

Every time I get my hands on you, the adrenaline just starts pumping... what a feeling it is.

I lie to mom about how much money I spent on you.

My account maybe empty and my credit limit may be getting over, but the financial damage from my little binges doesn’t bother me if it’s about you

I own you in 30 different forms, not including the ones I hardly use; I still think I need more.

Doesn’t matter how the day has been, the month has been or the year has been... one more and my smile is back – brighter than ever.

You can make my day, any day.

I am obsessed, I am possessed

I am a Sho-E-paholic

*** These are three of my current favourites ***

The Rose Tinted Glasses

2008-08-18T16:56:00.006+05:30

FROM BEHIND THE GLASSES
From this side, it all seems so nice, so pleasant and so so so very glowing. My glass is still half full and despite all the dark clouds lingering in the sky, I am still looking for my silver lining. I love these glasses...

I love them cuz they help me never give up. As much as I may crib n cry foul, they do take me through the toughest situations. They make me never give up on my friends even when they are being difficult.

Every time I am let down by something or someone...it hurts. But I carry on cuz my rosy glasses remind me that at least I did my bit and did it to the best of my abilities. They tell me that every time someone has hurt me it might not be their intention and that every time someone does something nice for me; there may not be an ulterior motive.

It might be a dog-eat-dog world but not everyone will back stab you to get to the top.

THE OTHER SIDE
You are plain stupid. You like them not cuz you are fond of them but cuz you don wanna know the truth sometimes. Cuz you are scared of the true tones of this world and its people.

Remove them, deal with the world as it is and you won’t ever need to cry n crib. It just takes you through the toughest situations but you don’t learn anything out of it and end up being hurt again and again and again.

Yes, not everyone is bad...but get rid of the rosy shades and you will see that not everyone is as great as you make them to be. And so sometimes, you should let go of the difficult ones cuz they don’t deserve to be your friend.

Save yourself the heart break cuz if they are being difficult and do not realize the fact that you have done your bit to the best of your abilities, then they don’t value you. And so they don’t deserve you.

It is a dog eat dog word...get rid of those glasses, cuz it makes even a wolf look like just another dog to you.

To the end and beyond

2008-08-13T17:30:00.009+05:30

For all the letters I wrote and can never send
For all the calls that will never get through
For all the conversations that we never had
For all the times I felt uncared for
For all the times I have been misunderstood
For all those nights that I have cried myself to sleep

I wish you were here to hold my hand and take me through this thing called life when I seem to have lost my way and can not fathom the truth. When I can not differentiate between what’s right and what’s wrong… cuz my thoughts are obscured by my emotions and my vision is blurred by my tears.

I wish you were here to end this nothingness, this overwhelming solitude. It’s a whirlwind of emotions inside but I still feel so numb...cuz I don’t have you to share it with.

I seem to have no answer anymore, cuz you my friend are never coming back. It’s been six years now, and I still can’t seem to come to terms with the loss. Something always feels amiss, a void that makes me feel empty inside.

Losing you and dealing with it has been one hell of a torture, one that will never end. I don’t think I will ever be able to completely recover from this loss and there will always be those moments when nothing will be enough...just like today!

And I still try to smile, cuz you wanted me to. I still try believing in people, cuz you asked me to.

You have taught me how to be a friend in true sense of the word... How to never take anyone for granted...How to care unconditionally...How to be there always...How to be trustworthy... But there’s is one thing that you did not teach me - how to be without you. How to care about myself cuz I never had to and cuz no one else seems to care enough.

And so, I miss the hug that used to make me feel like I am the most precious person on this earth. I miss that smile that acted like sunshine every time my life was shadowed by the dark gloomy clouds. I miss my strongest shoulder to cry on and the warmth that told me that there is someone who will always love me and need me. I miss those pep talks that made me believe that nothing can ever go wrong,

And you know what Kev...till you went; nothing ever went wrong...And since you have left, nothing has ever been right. I miss you a lot and I always will. And as much as I know I can’t do anything to get you back, I would do anything to see you just one more time.

Love Always
D

A(wwww)GUST!!!

2008-08-11T16:00:00.005+05:30

Yeah...its “Awwww poor baby” time for me. One of those months of the year that always kept me excited, especially in the first week, seemed to have dampened my spirits rite in the beginning of the month!!! Friendship week, Rakhi and a few important birthdays kept me busy...but this year, well I don feel like myself!!! Except for all the goodie goodie compliments for my new pic…of course it doesn’t matter that my sister thinks I look like a retard instead…LOL

I love travelling, and this month looks jam packed. But after the first trip to Bangalore/Kochi... I am scared of going anywhere at all. The month started with a BAD BAD BAD day at office...was juggled from project to project, THREE TIMES in just one single day. And no one was willing to tell me WHY ? Usual office politics at the higher level took its toll on me and yeah I cried…..I CRIED….I mean I CRIED!!! That too - IN OFFICE...DIIIIAAAMMMM....felt so stupid after that. My leave was also cancelled :”( the only solace was that I was looking forward to a trip to Kochi with my friends.

I think there is something majorly wrong with my stars this month...the one thing that was the reason for me to smile, my trip last weekend, got totally messed up!!!

It started with a flight delay at the time of take off...so I called my friend to airport accordingly...but guess wt??? The flight landed 45 minutes early...LOL...History in the making for Indian airports I guess.... and so I was stranded alone at the airport for almost an hour. Then came the next morning....got up somehow, packed our bags and left for Kochi feeling pretty excited. But just as soon as we started noticing and admiring the natural beauty of God's own country...something like an earthquake shook us well out of our cheerful and bright mood. The smile on our face faded away...Why? cuz of the beautifully constructed crater like wholes in the road...and well we drove in similar conditions for next 4 n a half hours...I mean seriously...FOUR AND A HALF HOURS...My friend did all the cribbing cuz the poor thing had to bear the brunt of the lovely roads…feel sorry for him and his car!!! And the icing on the cake - Kochi welcomed us with a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG traffic jam. By the time we reached our hotel, we were dead tired and I am sure if a dissection was carried out on us, some of our bones would be discovered out of place due to all the shaking and the breaking! Ufffffffffff!!!

If that was not enough, the next day, just when I was in the bath room...trying to relieve my totally fucked up back(how and why is another story), the tap broke...can u believe it!!!! It just fell out of the wall...JUST LIKE THAT...And it was a 5 star hotel for god’s sake ....eeehihihihihihi...FIVE STAR!!!!! The water flooded the loo and the room. Ok I know how to swim...and as irrelevant as it mite be...I was still scared. I am scared of water and I felt like m gonna drown n die rite there rite then. - in the bathtub...DONT YOU DARE LAUGH...the stupid thing fell on my foot and the water came dashing full force on my face. I was not in my senses for next one hour. Ok fine laugh if you want to but I can’t help it, water is the only thing I am really scared of. Can face other things I fear but not water I guess!!! What guess Div??? You surely can not face it!

Anyway, the way back was equally exciting with the craters that seemed to have widened. Looks like my stars wanted to have some more fun...so on a short visit to a CCD on the way back home, I merrily forgot my cell phone there...my Sony Ericson that I had bought just a month back...the moment I realized it, my heart stopped beating...I almost had a heart attack...felt so idiotic and lost....I guess I was!!! But I got it back...thanks to the staff there, I am still alive...cuz if the mini cardiac arrest wouldn’t have killed me, my mum sure wud have!

You think its over….hahahahaha…read on for some more twists and turns…for some reason I was feeling cold like crazy, that too in South India during this time of the year….everyone was looking at me like I am an alien in a pull over. The flight IN was still better cuz the guy sitting next to me was talking to me so the time flew by and I made a new friend…but flight OUT was miserable. I was freezing and spicejet did not have blankets, was damn woozy and felt like I will throw up. My friend advised me to grab a bite as soon as the flight ppl serve something…I tried following the advice but ended up puking it all out as soon as I finished eating it. Felt frail and exhausted!!! Eeewwwwwww…. I wished badly that it would end but the anticlimax was me fainting on Delhi airport, they said my BP was higher than it should be…and as soon as I regained consciousness, I was feeling sorry for the poor guys who had to carry me…of course I think it’s funny now. Poor Guys really!!!

But this is just the least of it...cuz exactly on friendship day; I managed to lose two of my close friends. BINGO....what a celebration!!! One doesn’t seem to care enough…wonder if I was ever considered a friend and the other has just moved on in life. It hurts like hell and if it was in my hands, I would never let go… but well, sometimes - to be yourself, you got to stop being yourself. Now that’s a good one for Speaking Dee Dee section…LOL!!!

But well, like Linda Goodman wisely said...this saggi girl for sure has those little wings tied to her feet and has her rose tinted glasses resting perfectly on her nose. So as much as I am scared that my trips this month may not be that great, I am still ready with my bags packed.

Here is how August looks like -

- Next Weekend, a trip to Dalhousie...mountain hopping again...YAYEEEE!!! Praying that god gives me enough courage to touch the water taps in the hotel or else my friends will be suffering from self induced nose blockage. And the trouble seems to have already started here cuz my stay is confirmed but not the train tickets…LOL

- Once the project kicks off on or after 20th I shall be visiting Chennai and/or Bangalore...depending on which team I am in.

And well if my luck will have it, even Egypt is not far, just that I still don’t have a passport!!! Yeah I know I should get one ASAP…Sigh!!! The form is too long to fill.

JAM PACKED I SAY...but my philosophy says that if you want to make time for something you really like and really want, it happens automatically and doesn’t need any special effort...so I shall make time for blogville and even if I don post a lot, I promise to drop by regularly and read what all of you are doing :)

Wish me luck...I don want to drown n die!!!! I wonder what mischief my stars are up to this time ***raising the eyebrow!!!

Heart of Matters of Heart

2008-08-08T01:31:00.012+05:30

You are so genuine
You are so loving
You are so caring
You are so understanding
You are everything I could ask for
We are so compatible and you are such a great company

It’s so easy to fall in love with someone like you, But I can’t, cuz I DON’T love you

What a pity and What an Irony!!! But it all so true... cuz in matters of heart...its really Black or white. You can neither force someone to love you. Nor can you force someone not to love you. And funnily enough, we can’t even force OURSELVES to fall in or out of love with someone. You either do or you don’t.

Love, I believe is the largest paradox - the most delightful and yet the most agonizing thing in the world. It’s like this quote I read somewhere -“Love is a perky elf dancing a merry little jig and then suddenly he turns on you with a miniature machine gun”.

If you have it, you don need anything else. If you don’t have it, nothing else matters.

Two-To-TA(n)G(o)

2008-08-06T16:12:00.004+05:30

Disclaimer - please don bother bout the spellings...

This ones courtsey Arun
THE 30 Question TAG...PHEW!!!
1.Last movie you saw in a theater?

The Dark Knight (Heath Ledger is just Amazing)....ARUN m not changin the answer cuz thts the same for me
2.What book are you reading?

Vector - Robin Cook
3.Favorite Board

GameLudo....lol
4.Favorite magazine(s)

Mostly lifestyle and auto mags
5.Favorite smells?

Natural - the earth just wet by first shower of rains, petrol

Artificial - Pleasures by Estee Lauder, Green tea by Elizabeth Arden, Chanel Chance, Nina by Nina Ricci, Femme by Hugo Boss and more :p
6.Favorite sound

Birds chirpin in the mornin, tip tapping of the rain drops, water splash :)
7. Worst feeling in the world?

Loneliness...When you cant be with the one you love - could be rejection, separation, distance...anything....but the feeling of helplessness to do anything bout it makes one feel so empty and drained.
8. What is the first thing you think of when you wake up?

Can I sleep for 5 more minutes?
9. Favorite fast food place?

Too many to name... but I prefer the roadside Dhabas and Chaat shops - same pinch Arun, not changing the ans here too
10. Future child’s name? - ***Arun??? whos HER???

Ok i know the ans...i have a long list...u can chose from it if u have a confusion but i shall not reveal the list here ...just the one baby girl name i love the most and thats TRUSHA
11. Finish this statement. “If I had lot of money I’d….

Travel around the world - wow, same pinch again
12. Do you drive fast?

Yeah...but depends on the traffic n urgency
13. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?

Nah...one stuffed toy cnt sleep with the other one...lol
14. Storms - cool or scary?

Ummmmm....depends
15. What was your first car?

Maruti Zen...the baby still stays
16. Favorite drink?

Coffffeeeeeeeeeeeeee
17. Finish this statement, “If I had the time I would….”?

I don wan time...i wish i had 12 hrs a day...i don like being idle
18. Do you eat the stems on broccoli?

Yep!!
19. If you could dye your hair any color, what would be your choice?

RED...hahahahah, No actually i love my hair color too :)
20. Name all the different cities/towns you’ve lived in?

Arun...i was in Kochi this weekend man!!!! I have lived in Delhi then Pune n now back to Del
21. Favorite sports to watch?

Indian Cricket, F1 and Lawn tennis, synchronised swimming and gymnastics
22. One nice thing about the person who sent this to you?

Thought provoking man - wt a rare breed...lolJust kiddin...Arun seems to be pretty sensitive about a lot of things and unlike most of us, thy r social causes n not personal....admire tht though his topics are always controversial...lol
23. What’s under your bed?

My bathroom slippers
24. Would you like to be born as yourself again?

Nopes... I am tired of being myself
25. Morning person, or night owl?

Night Owl
26. Over easy, or sunny side up?Whats over easy????

....dun know wt to answer....wts the ref. to context and whts the context ;p
27. Favorite place to relax?

Anywhere with my closest buddies
28. Favorite pie?

Chocolate... I'm a sucker for Anything Choco.. a total chocoholic....ARUN, this too same to same
29.Favorite ice cream flavor?

Chocolate....need i say anything to this
30. Of all the people you tagged this to, who’s most likely to respond first?

Not taggin anyone....but whoever reads this and wants to do it, go ahead, wud love to read ur answers

______________________________________________________
NOW THE SECOND ONE....Sameera tagged me for this one
HERS how it works: The rules are:
1. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.

2. Using only the first page of results, and pick one image.

3. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into Big Huge Lab’s Mosaic Maker to create a mosaic of the picture answers.

The questions:
What is your first name?

What is your favorite food? right now?

What high school did you go to?

What is your favorite color?

Who is your celebrity crush?

What is your favorite drink?

What is your dream vacation?

What is your favorite dessert?

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What do you love most in life?

What is one word that describes you?

What is your user name?

AGAIN...whoever is interested, plz go ahead...consider urself tagged :)

Cuz He Finally Left

2008-07-30T23:15:00.005+05:30

He rose like tornado, struggling to liberate himself from the darkness, yearning to break free from the confinement. But the firmly shut drapes stood there stubbornly like a curfew, restricting all his movements. Persistently stinging from behind the drapes, this time he was determined to see the light of the day… and so he did. The drapes finally gave in and he eagerly stepped outside, taking its own sweet course, like a wild flowing river.

Disturbed, I asked him "What are you doing here? Weren't you supposed to be hiding?"

He said "Yeah, you wish!"

He smiled back at me viciously. A smile that visibly conveyed every bit of sadistic pleasure he drew from the perfectly crafted revenge he took, for all the times when I suppressed him and smothered him to keep him away from the public view. Today, he stood there basking in the limelight that he deserved.

He was finally free. Merrily, he rolled down my cheek and willingly settled on my palm. And for a change, I did not have the heart to stop him. Not anymore. I let go and went with the flow.

After all the fights which I won, the one I lost made me feel better than ever and I wondered why I had bottled it up all inside. But no more, cuz I am myself again. And I am better, cuz he finally left.

Sing Along :-)

2008-07-28T15:59:00.001+05:30

Like I promised...here's the list of songs that I really really love and can listen to again and again and again

Awaarapan - Jism
Kuch is tarah - Aatif
Tera Mera Rishta - Aawarapan
Nothing else matters - Metallica
Hanging by a moment - Lifehouse
Everything I do - Bryan Adams
Everlong - Foofighters
Don't wanna miss a thing - Areosmith
It must have been love - Roxette
In the end - Linkin Park
Maa - TZP
Ab na ja - Euphoria
25 minutes - MLTR
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
Wo kagaz ki kashti, Shaam se aankh mein, Main bhool jaon tumhein and woh khat ke purze - Jagjit Singh
Tum gaye - Machis
Pyar ke pal - KK

Most of the songs that I like and have mentioned here are close to my heart cuz of a reason...like “Pyar ke pal” by KK is a song I dedicated to my college team along with a small presentation. Each one of us cries every time we look at that small clip...here is the link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_B8pN9VIOI

Then there is “Everything I do” by Bryan Adams, I know its one song that everyone has heard a lot of times n is probably comparable to a cliché but this ones very close to my heart cuz this was my first valentines day romantic dance.

“Hanging by a moment” by Lifehouse is the only song someone dedicated to me. I did not even know about it till then and now I can hear it as many times as possible.

The song Aawarapan from the movie Jism is one of those songs that does something to me…I don know what…I can hear it over and over and still not get bored. It’s just so calm….a little depressing too but still…it’s got such a haunting melody

And then there is MAA from TZP. One of the most beautiful compositions I have ever heard in my life. Every word, every note in that song just simply moves me…would cry every time I heard it initially…now I just enjoy it, think of my mom and smile.

These are like the top of the list...there are many more, like a lot of you who dropped in Thanks to all of you for sharing your choices and insights.

SONGS OF MY SOUL

2008-07-25T13:08:00.000+05:30

Music, I believe is one thing that binds all of us...transcending all boundaries - physical, mental, social - ALL. I have never come across a person who hates music. In one form or the other, it appeals to each one of us and is extremely important to us, in its own special way.

It is my great escape from my day-to-day troubles. At times, it’s not just about unwinding these worries, but it also gives me a fresh and different way of thinking. At times it makes me weep, at times it makes me smile. Sometimes it brings peace to me, sometimes it sets off an emotional turbulence.

But then there are songs that not just touch my soul and evoke a strong emotional response, but also stir it completely. It’s like they are revealing my deepest and well kept secrets - desires, fears, thoughts. At times they heal my soul, at times they inspire me and there are times when they simply tear open a wound that I did not even remember I had.

So tell me what’s your story, which songs stir your soul? Does this song seem like its talking about you? Does it remind you of a friend, love found or love lost? Tell me cuz I would love to know! And I have a long list, will let you know in my next post

PS:- Keshi, this blogs dedicated to you since its idea originated from your comment on my last blog :-)

Little DOES matter

2008-07-21T12:39:00.000+05:30

Have you noticed the bright full moon or the constellations standing out on a moon less night, lately?
Have you smelled a flower recently?
Have you noticed your surrounding and those small things that you find reassuring and rejuvenating?
... The smell of the earth, just after it has rained for the first time
... The tip tap of the rain drops on the roof
... The colors in the sky at sunset
... The bird chirping next to your window in the morning
... Shades of green and yellow in trees and plants just after the rain
... Making images out of fluffy clouds in the sky
... Listening to your favorite song
... A hug from your best friend
... Splashing the water and blowing bubbles
... Remembering a moment that truly touches our heart and makes us smile every time we think about it
... The old pullover and a steaming cup of hot chocolate
... A baby's laughter

NO...Most of us, including me, have ignored all this and more to concentrate on the more pressing things in life, getting our work done and running our lives in this jet age. Sometimes, in our rush to get things done and accumulating the materialistic treasures being offered, we overlook the true and unadulterated joys of life and hence let go of true pleasure. And these small little things that are accessible so effortlessly all around us and that too in abundance, suddenly become forbidden delicacies.

God has prearranged an endless supply of such small joys for us, and to really LIVE our life, all we need to do is look for them, share them with others and magic will transpire on its own.

So what’s that one thing that makes you smile no matter what you are doing, no matter where you are and no matter who you are with?

For Now And Forever - I

2008-07-14T17:16:00.004+05:30

IF ONLY...

He saw her walking down the aisle....................... Lovely in her crisp white wedding gown, adorned with pearls, white tulips resting in her delicate hands, her face radiating sheer beauty from under the veil, her lips tender and luscious - waiting for that wedding kiss. And that was when he knew that this is going to be the moment....

Joshua Mackenzie now knew that she was the one and the only one for him. All he needed was she...........for now and forever.

He remembered everything vividly, turning through the pages of memories. A cine film was playing in his mind. The first time they met, he never could have thought in his wildest dreams to come this far. And now...............

It all began with a sorry.............
Joshua was carefully making his way through the aisle of a book store when the basket in his hand smacked the side of someone’s head. And as he turned to say sorry, he saw a fairy rubbing her forehead gently, glaring at the scoundrel who was strolling carelessly past her.

“Hey!” the angel shouted.
“I beg your pardon, Miss” Joshua said.
“I hope you are ok?”
“It’s fine. But u better watch that suitcase of yours”, she looked up and said. And she saw a perfectly sculptured face looking down at her with concern. Impeccably dressed in a gray suit, a determined jaw, this tall and handsome stranger was truly mesmerizing. A touch of arrogance and a hint of audacity completed his charisma.
“I am really sorry Miss” Joshua said with concern in his voice.
“It’s all right. I am fine”. So he is really chivalrous too, she thought.

And the next day, they met again. At the same book store.
Joshua said “ Hi! Miss ahm...........”.
She said in her tender, velvet voice “Madison, Grace Madison. And you are?”.
“Joshua Mackenzie”, he smiled. She smiled back.
It was as if they came looking for each other, knowing that the other one will be there too.

They found each other in the book store and soon learned that they shared several interests. They began to meet regularly at the book store café and it soon became a daily affair.

One day, seated alone in the cafe, Grace found herself missing her newfound friend.
She called him as soon as she got home.
“Is this Mackenzie residence?” she asked.
“Yes! May I help you”, replied a female voice.
“May I talk to Josh please?”
“Oh! Seems like you have not been informed, but …ummmm… Josh met with an accident yesterday night. He is at Turning hospital.” she replied.
A wave of fear rushed through her. She left for the hospital right away.
She inquired at the reception and dashed straight to his room. She could feel the pang of pain as she heard the doctor say, “ He won’t make it. He has no chances to make it”.
Grace went up to Joshua and looked at him. She slowly bent down, kissed his forehead and whispered in his ear “You don’t want to die. Right? Come on, Open your eyes. It’s me, Grace. I … I… I love you. Please open your eyes”

Two weeks later Josh was up on his feet and was found kissing Grace in his hospital room.

As the time passed, they came to share more than love, compatible in all ways, complete soul mates. Every time their friends talked of a perfect couple, they talked about them. They shared a wonderful laughter, a splendid friendship.

Joshua had never met anyone quiet like her and had never thought he could love someone as much as he loved Grace. He loved her compassion and sensitivity. Grace had found her knight in the shining armor; she loved his passion and vitality. They truly made a picture perfect, made for each other couple.

And then came THE news - Joshua got his dream job…he was now a Journalist at a leading infotainment channel. A dream he had since childhood was to surface. But that would mean less time with his sweetheart. Grace knew her man and she understood.

The rigorous travelling routine left not more than 5 hours each day for the trainees to sleep. And so in the end, he found himself tired and exhausted by the training and the loneliness that the distance from Grace brought.

She was waiting for her man to come home. The bell rang and she opened the door. Joshua stood there with open arms and she fled directly into them.
“You look so drained!” Grace said inquiringly.
“No more”, he said teasingly.
“I know exactly what you need” she smiled.
She led him into the bathroom.
She had lit it all up with candles varying in size and shape. The water was warm and scented.
She slowly took off her nightgown and stepped in to the bathtub and said, “Welcome home honey!”
Later they made love and as Joshua fell asleep holding Grace in his arms, he knew that it has to be like this, Always. Forever.

Another assignment came and Joshua left. The work was really exciting and the only thing that disturbed him was the long separation from Grace. No sooner then he returned from one assignment, he was sent for another. He hated to stay away from Grace and missed her terribly.

Two years passed, and to grace it seemed that this wait would never end. Her knight in shining armor was racing between his love and his work. While his lady love was gripped with the fear that he might never return, every time he went away. To her, Josh seemed more like a visitor than her love. Never know when he will come, never know when he will leave.

In time, Grace completed her Masters and took up a fellowship with a University. This made it easier for her to wait for Josh to return.
Now it was long since Josh had left.
He called “honey! I will be back in a few days”.
Then
“Honey! I guess it will be a few more weeks only”
The weeks turned into months.

Whenever Josh came back, she tried to take her time out from her job, but she started getting caught up in it more and more. She loved her work. And he admired the dedication she gave it. But the bitter fact was that they were spending less time together.

One day when Joshua returned from his mission, Grace told him about a new friend she had made at the university. He was a professor and her Fellowship guide
“He’s so nice. All women at the university are crazy bout him…students, interns, professors…everyone.”

A few days later, Joshua left for another assignment. And when he returned three weeks later, Grace greeted him jubilantly.

“I won the best fellowship award…. They are going to publish my work and I have been invited to teach at the university… And it’s all because of Parker. I am so so so Excited”
“Parker?”
“Parker Davis, that’s his name. He is simply amazing. You know he is so charming that he gave me a special treat despite the fact that I won and I am supposed to treat him for all his assistance and thank him for his guidance”.
“Is he married?” This man is sickening, thought Josh.
“No! Why? You aren’t jealous. Are you?” and she laughed.
“Of an old geek who teaches kids at some University? Nah, no way!”

Next time Josh and Grace met, Grace eluded talking about Parker, but Josh would bring up the name.
“How’s Elvis? Oh! I’m sorry pelvis” and he laughed.
“His name is Davis, not Elvis or pelvis!” she said sounding annoyed.

Next day was their Anniversary. Josh wanted to spend all day with the love of his life. He wanted to surprise his love by finally asking her to be his wife. But grace had some important work at the university. So Josh purposed to pick her up, while in his head he had a great plan for an evening she would remember for a lifetime.

He looked at the ring he had bought for her and couldn’t stop thinking about Grace’s expression when she would see it. It was the same ring she had set her heart on when they visited the Tiffany’s but could not buy since none of them was earning at that time. He could no more wait to make the forever become existent.

“I’ll pick you up at 3 then,” He said enthusiastically.
“Good! This way you can meet Parker. He is dying to meet you. I have told him all about you”, she smiled in excitement.

Next day Josh went to pick her up.
She was standing at the school gate waving at him. With her was a tall, handsome man, probably in his early thirties. Josh loathed him on first look. He couldn’t wait to get out of there.
“I guess its time to leave or we are expecting company?” Josh said scornfully.
“I hope you two enjoy” and Parker left.
“Why did you have to be so rude?” Grace lashed at Josh.
“I don’t happen to like that Elvis .............” said Josh coldly.
“You don’t even know him! And for the nth time…IT’S NOT ELVIS!”
Joshua thought, “ I don’t like the way he looks at you. I don’t like the way you look at him. I don’t like the way we are going. Oh hell!”

The day was all shambles. All Grace wanted to talk about was her new mentor. Most of the evening was spent in a silence that wanted to speak a thousand words. Josh dropped her home and was about to bend on his knees and ask her in the very traditional way to marry him when Grace said “ Josh I want to say something...........”

He sensed what was coming. The pain stabbed right through him even before she could say anything.
“Grace-------” he began to say something.
“You know how much I love you and I will always love you but..........”
“Grace-------” he began to say something again.
But she continued “ ............but in past two years I have done nothing but waited for you. We have spent only minutes with each other. We have drifted apart. We have love but there is no relationship anymore.”
“Grace.............. Please. I will leave everything for you and then we can make a new beginning..........” Daggers were piercing his heart slicing it into numerous pieces.
“No. We both know that it’s not going to work. Why linger on something that is no more there? You love your work. It has been your dream since childhood and I don’t want u to resent leaving it for me. I know you won’t be happy that ways.” Grace shook her head
“Is this has to do something with Davis?” Josh asked.
“He has asked me to marry him”, Grace answered hesitantly.
“And what did u reply?” He asked hoping that it’s all just a nightmare.
But as she said, “ I said yes”, He knew it wasn’t some crazy nightmare. He was torn apart.
“You are the only man I have ever loved and I can never love anyone the way I love u. We will always be best friends”. Grace hugged her.
“Best friends? I was planning to marry you.” Joshua thought.
His eyes flooded with tears, voice choked. Joshua managed to say “We’ll start again..............We’ll find a way..........”
“I’m sorry.” She hugged him again. “ I’m sorry, it’s finished”.
She kissed him on his forehead and left.

With emptiness within him and the ring in his hand, he quietly drove away. The days and nights went past and his desolation just won’t leave him. Everything he did, every little thing, reminded him of Grace. Her memories harassed him viciously. And he wanted to hold on to her, their love and everything that they had lost.

His heart was crippled. The spell of happiness was over and a wave of gloom swept across his life. The ache inside was unbearable. The longing to hold her close and the dream to make that a forever would never realize. The bleeding would just not stop; his heart had been ripped apart.

And then a few weeks later, his best friend called to invite him to her wedding. How could he say no? His best friend was all he had left of his love. And so he went.

And their........................

He saw her walking down the aisle....................... Lovely in her crisp white wedding gown, adorned with pearls, white tulip resting in her delicate hands, her face radiating sheer beauty from under the veil, her lips tender and luscious - waiting for that wedding kiss. And that was when he knew that this is going to be the moment................ The moment where he will lose her forever to someone else’s arms and the dream that once resided in his eyes is going to realize in someone else’s life.

Joshua Mackenzie now knew that Grace was the one and the only one for him. All he needed was Grace...........for now and forever. And he knew that it would never happen.

He remembered everything vividly, turning through the pages of memories. A cine film was playing in his mind.

The first time they met, he never could have thought in his wildest dreams to come this far. And now............... after three years of a wonderful and magnificent journey of love he was standing here alone, empty and tears filling his eyes.

As the priest proceeded with the ceremony, Joshua silently walked away.
The ring lay in his pocket waiting to adorn Grace, unaware of what had happened and of what will never happen.

JAANE TU YA JAANE NA

2008-07-11T11:58:00.000+05:30

Saw the movie last Friday and wanted to put this up immediately…but well, I am too lazy to do anything on a weekend and on Monday I totally forgot about it… One of my friends at work saw it yesterday and was talking about it in the office and thats when I remembered I had to put this up.

OK... to start with, this is a trademark Aamir Khan movie which not just promised but delivered quality and freshness...wow!!!! Its a typical love story and still nothing typical about it.

Imraan Khan is just sooooooo cute and good looking....he looks like a Hollywood actor, reminded me of Collin Farrell for some reason!!! There have been many debuts, some flops, some hits....some over hyped some even go unnoticed...but this one is simply brilliant...first movie and Imraan has not made even a single mistake...AWESOME is not the word!!!

Any way he is named Jai in this movie, nick named Rats. His best friend is Aditi aka Meow...Genelia - by the way, I din like the way she delivered her role and the way she talked ...maybe its just me, maybe she was asked to do it...hvnt seen any of her other movies so will drop this topic rite here.

The one thing I loved about the movie is the fact that there is no hoopla around introducing the main characters; they just flow in with the story…no boom bang n crash, no multiple angles and zoom in shots…its all so natural!

All other supporting characters have delivered there parts brilliantly... nothing is over done and the movie has been executed exactly as it shud have been…like they say - Just what the doctor ordered. (A guy just passed by me and was smelling his arm pits.....eeeeewwww!!! LOSER)

Ok back to the movie...the dialogues are witty and HILLLLLLarious. And its all clean fun....no useless double meaning jokes or cheap scenes. Its a lovely movie...a cute love story without being sappy and corny!!! Thts a great achievement I must say.

Frankly, I have never seen a love story being treated so well. Its very very fresh and endearingly cute. LOL.

Oh!!! And how can I forget the SURPRISE packages - Naseerudin Shah and Paresh Rawal...Mind Blowing I say!!! You got to see it to know what I am talking about. Both of them are incredible in the execution of their very small but extremely significant roles. Every time they came on screen, I almost fell out of my chair…laughed so hard that my mouth was hurting. Damn!!!

And what do I say bout the music....hmmmm....do I actually need to say nethn bout it??? Ok I will. Its perfect for the movie, and is NOT the typical A. R. Rehman music. Actually I love all the songs. But despite the fact that “Pappu cant dance saala” and “Kabhi Kabhi” are topping the charts, I personally find "Nazarein milana" the best.

Here are some of my favorite moments from the movie [by the way you will find such fantastic moments in abundance in the movie] which made me fall in love with the movie and well Imraan Khan too...Sigh!!! I wish I was younger or he was older...hi hi hi!!! Ok here we go -
Aditi’s parents and Jai’s discussion {must have seen parts of it in the movie trailer}
“On the phone beta” - Oh I forgot to mention that Ratna pathak shah has also done a great job as Jai's mother...like I said, all characters are Just Perfect!
Jiggy the piggy and Rotlu’s love stories!!!
The brother-sister conversation between Aditi and Amit when Amit takes her to his room - so so so touching and warm
The conversation between Jai’s mom n dad...especially the end when the mom leaves and the dad keeps shouting from the frame!!! eeehiiihahahaha :D
Tera Mujhse hai phale ka nata koi… Yun hi nahi dil lubhata koi…Jane tu…ya jane na…LOL!!!

Cant understand na? Well then GO WATCH IT!!! Sachhi mein, its worth every penny.

And ya ya ya...I know most people are saying that the end could have been better and not so typical n etc etc etc...but blah!! I loved it...the whole pt of the movie is that its not sumthn totally different but at the same time its the treatment of the story, the direction, the dialogues that makes it so different...it IS a love story and it IS between 2 young people and so it has to end like one...rite?

Any way, my verdict is that its a story about love and friendship that makes you smile through out the length of the movie and laugh a lot too. Immensely enjoyable and highly entertaining, a movie you must not miss!!!

Dilli ka Dil

2008-07-04T12:24:00.000+05:30

Recently one of my batch mates from MBA who’s not from Delhi was cribbing bout "Meri Dilli" .... I din like it ... I wrote him a mail telling him to stop cribbing or go back to where he came from or just appreciate the place where he is cuz the city really is great. Delhi rocks with all its "goods and bads" (wrong English I know - but it’s a joke b/w me n ma frnz so...)

So well, then I thought why not put together a small eye opener for some of you who know only the so called "BADS" (which by the way is always equivalent to safety for girls and which I believe is not great, but also been blown out of proportion). And before anyone says anything, I am already accepting that the city has its own shortcomings, but then which city doesn’t. So keeping that in mind and read along :)

And well, m not going to talk about the things you will easily find on a travel website like India Gate, Qutub Minar, Red Fort, etc....cuz they are all obvious. Like if u go to London u cant miss Piccadilly rite? Or if u go to Washington you can’t miss the white house. So I am going to talk more about what you should explore and see to really know the city beyond the honking horns and F1 race track traffic (thanks Duru for that thought). And wherever I can....I will beg, borrow, steal, click and put a pic to prove my point :)

Old is gold, so lets begin from old Delhi

Three religious places almost next to each other and still prevailing - Hanuman Mandir, Jama Masjid and Gurudwara Sheesh Ganj. One you get over the site of hoards of people lining up outside each of these for paying their tributes, try catching up with the chandani chowk...don try getting your car or a 2 wheeler here. You better walk...and if you don want to, try a cycle rickshaw. That’s the charm of chandni chowk. A cryptic Wall Street of bargaining and trade set in early early 19th century with glimpses of 2oth :) Here was where the business deal was born. Have to see it to believe it cuz even I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

Now for specific interests - all the books lovers, every Sunday you get some great books, all originals at dirt cheap prices... I have bought some really old books that are not even in print now here. For the rest, the chor bazaar will give you everything from a laptop to a car...lol

Anyone interested in spices - well welcome to Asia's Largest Spice Market called Khari Baoli. Next to it is the Dariba Kalan known as the jewelers' lane. Here you can bargain hard for gorgeous baubles.

Chawri Bazaar for all your copper and brass accessories, tokens etc and the very famous Nayi Sarak for the best range of stationary u cannot possibly imagine. And if you remember the movie Fanna - the bangle's lane is also here and is called Churiwalli Galli .

Old Delhi still not over guys - the food heaven is still left. You must visit the Paranthewalli Galli and Karim's. If you don go here, you will be missing on the best food ever. You will even get the banana, cream and dry fruit parantha here. Yummmmmmmmmmmmm is not the word I say!!!!! Ones really got to taste it to experience what heaven feels like...lol!

Well then comes the Central - Connaught Place, popularly known as CP - was designed by Robert Tor Russell and W H Nicholls. It was named after the Duke of Connaught, a member of the British royal family. It was the largest of its kind in India at that time. It’s known for all the shopping n Jazz so m just going to mention the places you must go to.

Will start with my fav Chinese food joint - Bercos. It’s pretty famous for that and you can find it in Inner Circle. Just above it is Spirits, nice lounge so drop in. Then ther is Sagar Ratna in outer circle and Madras Cafe in inner circle. Loads of fancy restaurants to visit but if you really want to taste the mast punju food, then Kake ka Dhaba is the place to be. Its bang opposite Costa Cafe in outer circle. If you want to enjoy a nice time, try going to Mist or Aqua Lounge at the Park Hotel....but if u want to shake it baybayhh!!! - Then try Agni - the discotheque at Park again. Like Mexican, you can go to Rodeos. And if you like going around in circles, well Parkikrama offers the perfect solution and a unique view - being a revolving restaurant on top of a high rise building.

Not too far away is the Bengali market which houses the Bengali Sweets and Nathan Sweets next to each other. Nathans has been one of the best in Chloe Bather and Golf gape since a long long time. Mom used to work at a place walking distance from there and I used to look forward to Saturdays as it was mom's half day and dad would take me n my sis to her workplace. And then we all used to go to Nathus for lunch. Hmmmmmm!!! Ok this post is not about my childhood memories so back to Delhi.

Shoppers pay attention to Janpath and Palika. Janpath is a street side market mostly known for its export quality clothes and accessories. While palika is an underground fully AC market mostly known for its leather and electronic items. But if you go there alone, you better be good at bargain. Else take a typical dilliwala along with you, lest you crib bout paying more than u should have. Not to forget Shankar Market famous for all kinds of "kapda and latha". The fashionable cloth prints and designs hit this place even before you see someone else wearing them. For the more desi ones...you can try exploring the Central Cottage Industries and emporiums from each of the states. Khadi is by far the best, at least I think so.

And for all those who just want to sit around, well the central park with its absolutely green grass beds and multi-colored fountains is just perfect. And I know I said that I will not talk about famous places, but well, you can not can not miss an evening picnic at India Gate...trust me, its fun to just sit around on the lush green lawns and look around the amazing architecture of The Rashtrapati Bhawan, The India gate and The Parliament all at the same time!!!

On our way to my fav place in Delhi, we have two interesting stops...First - for the chaat lovers, you can not can not miss the UPSC chaat. The best chaat in the WORLD. You will get everything from a fiery aloo chaat to a cooooool kulfi faluda. But a personal recommendation is the Bhalla Papadi, simply superb n finger licking delicious!

And then Khan Market - Mrs. Kaur's cookies and Khan Chachas rolls. Yeh nahin khaya to kuch nahin khaya. Don’t leave Delhi without visiting these two eat outs. And of course Khan Market also houses the very famous Big chills - my recommendations are the chicken Piri Piri pasta, Lasagna, ginger fizz, The Mud Pie and the cheese cakes...everything just melts in to your mouth...yummmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!! One place which has never ever disappointed me!

We will now move on to my favorite place in Delhi - The India habitat centre. Lots of ppl ask me why so...actually I don’t know. It’s just so peaceful and calm and I love being there. It’s got lots of NGO offices running from there, has theatres for plays etc. Loads of workshops and classes related to art. Art galleries, photography and craft displays. This by the way is the same place where Rang De Basanti was shot. It was shown as the International Students Hostel in the movie. So the amphitheatre where the practice, the huge gardens where they take screen tests - its all IHC. And then there is the food court - Eatopia. Food tares good and is probably one of the cleanest Kitchens you will find not just in Delhi but across India. Grandma's Bakery corner is something you must check out. The desserts are mot just different but deliciously different.

Walking distance from here is the Lodhi gardens. Famous for its lover’s lane, this is an awesome place. Must have seen a garden inside a fort, but come here and enjoy the fort inside the garden. Try taking a walk or jog in the morning n evening, you may come across some really influential and powerful personalities of the nation being overpowered by their dogs ;)

Every time I go there, there is only thing I fail to understand. All these biggies come here to jog/walk and there houses are a stone throw away from the park...but they still come in their larger than life cars. LOL!!!

Anyway...we now move on to another Delhi gem - the Delhi haat. You will find everything you want to eat here - all Indian state's have their food stalls here along with handloom, art and crafts, accessories, etc. Special melas are also organized here from time to time - basant mela, mango fair, handicraft mela, diwali melas, etc etc etc. The hair braiding and stamp mehndiwalis sit just outside the complex and is much fun. And for all the Ladies, this is the place where you can get a range of earrings for just Rs 10 - YAYEEEEEEEE!!!

Not too far is another shopping abode - the sarojni nagar market. You will get anything and everything in this market...Other markets similar to this will be Karol Bagh - Gaffar Khan Market and Lajpat Nagar. These markets have electronics, clothes, accessories, shoes, food, etc etc...Literally anything you can ask for. And well for all those who want to buy some cool cell phone at even cooler prices...gaffar’s the place to be ;)

Oh! and the techno wise computer geeks must visit Nehru place....heaven for them. Personally I have been there only when I needed something or if I was driven someone there when they wanted to buy computer stuff so can’t say much, except that this place never disappoints anyone who wants to buy comp gadgets.

Other shopping places to visit will be Saket city Walk mall - ALL BIG Brands under one roof...And the PVR Priya, this place is "IN" since the time of my grand dad...lol...try the CHOKOLA restaurant at Priya, it’s got all these amazing cocoa recipes. I couldn’t finish their pure chocolate shake...was so delicious, yummy and MAN!!! It was so rich. A nice change from all the cafes around.

Some great restaurants here...and two dishes voted in top 3 chocolate preparations in India are available here. Oberoi's cake shop will provide you with their Rank 1 chocolate cake/pastry and Nirula's will server you the Rank 3 hot chocolate fudge. And there is a great Italian restaurant...can’t remember the name but it’s simply amazing.

Come a little further towards Gurgaon and there you have the Mahipalpur road...all brand factory price outlets lined up one after the other. Can buy some really good stuff. I remember buying a pair of Adidas shows for just 750 bucks, showroom price being 1750!!!

And well I generally do not like too many museums and all but two museums I really love are the Doll Museum and the Rail Museum. Doll Museum has one of the largest collections of costume dolls in the world. The museum host more than 6000 varieties of dolls and represents almost 85 countries. Simply enchanting.

And the Rail Museum is an open air museum, so its much fun that ways. It showcases various models of train engines and coaches including the model of India's very first train, a steam engine that made its journey from Mumbai to Thane in 1853 and the locomotives displayed in the open are simply lovable and the Toy train is adorable and still running .

And if you coming to Delhi in Feb.-March....you ought not miss the Mughal Gardens - personally I think this is sir Edward Lutyens best piece of work, he designed it for Lady Harding. It’s situated in rashtrapati bhawan and the best garden I have ever seen. A classy blend of the formal Mughal style with the design of a British Garden. It is beautified with Mughal style canals, fountains and terraces, adorned beautifully with hedges and flowers. With in the garden compound, there are many small and big lawns, like Pearl garden, butterfly garden and circular garden. The circular garden is the place which is beautified with massed segmental and tiered flower beds and is the best place to see butterflies.

Try going to the Garden of Five senses as well - A spectacularly designed picturesque located at Said-ul-Ajaib in southern part of Delhi. This garden is an amalgamation of color, fragrance, texture and form with a unique chime of 500 bells producing soothing sounds in its background

And if this is not enough...try taking a drive starting from Rajpath, through Akbar Road, Chanakya Puri and Satya Marg - won’t say much as I shall let some pictures do the talking.

Dont forgett to take a ride around the city in the metro. I personally believe that this is the best thing to happen to delhi. Comfortable, fast, suits the pocket too...and on top of this, no jihik jhik and no chik chik of traffic and pollution. An auto rickshaw costs me somewhere between 80 to 100 bucks from CP to my place in east delhi while a metro ride costs me just 17 bucks. I am waiting for the day it connects the entire city and my bank balance increases despite the fuel prices rising by the day.

And in the end, I would like to mention two new additions to my delhi family - The Millennium park and Akshardham

Millennium Park provides lush green lawns and a peaceful environment to dillwale dilliwales. It’s a 16 cr project that turned a landfill to a lush green garden which is divided in 5 sections. One of them is called smriti van and you can plant a tree there for yourself. I love the concept!!! It also has a beautiful white Shanti Stup with gold decoration. Amazingly beautiful...just looking at it makes one feel so peaceful!!!

And last but certainly not the least is the place where you can see technology working hand-in-hand with religion - Akshardham. It's a sort of cross between a hi-tech Disneyland and a traditional temple. There is a boat ride though an artificial tunnel, a yagna-kund that is also a synchronized colorful fountain, an "audio-animatronics" show, and a giant movie screen that shows a special movie filmed in over 100 locations in India, with a cast of 45000 people. The scale and drama of Akshardham make me wish it were a metaphor for modern India - eager to accept new learning, but at the same time, vibrant and self-confident enough to convert it into something uniquely Indian.

If this is not enough, well I would just like to say that I haven’t even started talking about Delhi, forget about the other places in and around NCR... and my fingers are aching already!!! And if you want more, m sure you can find loads of info about famous monuments like India Gate, Rashtrapati Bhawan, Jama Masjid, Birla Mandir, Red Fort, Old Delhi Fort, Delhi Zoo, Sheesh Ganj, Hanumaan Mandir, Lotus temple, Iscon temple, Chattarpur Mandir, Bangla Sahib, Rakab ganj, Rajghat, Himayun Tomb, Jantar Mantar, etc etc etc.

More some other time or on request :) and thanks to www.flickr.com and my new sony erricsson for the pics that speak for themselves!!!

TAG-A-LONG

2008-07-03T11:53:00.000+05:30

Ok!!! I am doing this cuz I have been made to Tag along by Mishra Ji...LOL...(trust me I enjoyed this ;)) and like you I am adding this line after doing the whole thing.

The Rules of the game are:
1. Link the person(s) who tagged you. (done it above, was tagged by Mishra)
2. Mention the rules on your blog. (thats wt you are reading)
3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours. (mentioned below)
4. Tag 6 bloggers by linking them. (this is tough, but did that too)
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged. (done)

OK now the time for my QUIRKS... I don exactly know wt it means and what exactly to put in but well, I will try:-

1. I am a born dancer. I find myself dancing while I am driving, bathing, sleeping, reading, working...Lol... What? You find it funny??? Well I don’t care cuz I will do it my way, if only you could understand what way that is!
Dance is my foremost passion. I love the feeling of being on stage, dancing in the centre under the spotlight while the audience is captivated by the movements and cant take their eyes off even for a second and the best part, the applaud that follows...the love and respect that people shower on you after the performance. Damn I miss my dancing days and damn I wish I could continue dancing.

2. I have to have my daily coffee dose on office days:
- One, when I enter the office and settle down on my workstation.
- Two, after breakfast
- Three, after lunch
- Four, the evening tea time

Interestingly enough, I don feel this need of having the coffee if m snoozing at home :)...the moment I step out, I become a coffee freak. Even on a trip, I can’t do without it :)

3. I love pampering people and as such I tend to like all those people who throw a fit very often, act like kids and need some sort of guidance to grow up even at the age of 25 and more..Lol. Most other people do not like them cuz they are difficult to handle, cuz everyone thinks they are demanding and moody and throw tantrums too often. Even people who get themselves in to trouble too often make me feel that ways about them. I don know why but that evokes a very protective feeling in me towards them. Do I like being the GURU or want? well no its not...I don want to be the one who saves them and all that...it seriously melts my heart and at times I go way out of my way to ensure they are fine.

4. I have a thing for my data for some reason. I know thrs so much data on my 8 yrs old desktop that I will never need and so will no one else...but I refuse to delete it. My graduation projects, some shitty games that no one plays anymore, some old desktop pictures, songs that I have never heard and don’t know how they are on my hard disk...and loads of stuff just there. I just can’t hit the delete button. Man Oh Man....I am a weirdo!!!

5. I hate stepping inside the kitchen...not that I haven’t, I have done it when I had no other option. But still, I hate it with all my guts. As much as I am always told that as a girl I should know how to cook and keep the kitchen, and as much as I cook well and am very finicky about my kitchen shelf being clean (some much that if in kitchen, I clean it every 5 mins), I still would not enter it unless in a crisis situation!!!

6. I am fairly blunt and outspoken...sarcastic too at times. I love sarcasm as long as it’s not directed at me...lol...I make a lot of those funny sarcastic comments. One of the reasons why I have either very very close friends (the ones who understand me inside out n hence don mind) or just acquaintances (the ones who don’t appreciate the humor in sarcasm and hence prefer not being subjected to it). Holding back does not occur to me, even if I plan not to do it the next time I talk. People make resolutions every year, I make one everyday - to be more diplomatic...and I break it everyday too.

Thats the its from the my the sides!!! Hoping to hear some from the following fellow bloggers :-)

Aayushi
Samby
Venky
Vineet
Sudeshna
Fali

Phew!!! M done finally!!! Mishra, be prud of me, I have done it before the promised deadlne...heeaahahahaha!!!

Speaking Dee Dee - III

2008-07-03T11:43:00.000+05:30

When you let your fear and weakness lead you, you live for sure but you are not alive.